


Logan and the Series Of Bad Decisions

by Yallsehood



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst City, Anxiety, Blood, Bullets, Car Accident, Death, Deceit has a different name, Depression, Drinking, Drugs, Flashbacks, Guns, Gunshots, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Logince (mentioned) - Freeform, M/M, Mourning, Murder, Parent AU, Patton is dead, Rare amounts of fluff, Roceit very briefly mentioned, Sanders Sides angst, Scars, Self Harm, Serious Sanders Sides Angst, Seriously this is a lot of angst enter at your own risk, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Super angsty, Teen!Virgil, Therapy, Violence, Virgil is Logan and Patton’s child, abuse (mentioned), car crash, dad!logan, dad!patton, logicality - Freeform, remile - Freeform, sanders sides au, very angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 34
Words: 51,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yallsehood/pseuds/Yallsehood
Summary: Fourteen years after a car crash that took Patton Berry-Foster’s life, we see Logan trying his best to parent a child he wasn’t sure he could care for when Patton lost his life. Logan attempts to be a single parent, and juggle all of his responsibilities.Virgil struggles with school and often questions what his other father was like. Virgil was three when he passed, and has many questions. The more the two find out about the accident, the more questions they have. Maybe it wasn’t an accident after all...
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 17
Kudos: 57





	1. Take Me Out Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This series is heavily angsty. The first two chapters have some implied spiciness, but no spice. Also, Deceit’s name is Dexter in this. I started writing this series before Remus showed up. I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> There is a lot of angst ahead! Please proceed with caution. I do not condone the actions my characters take on these triggering actions. Please understand this is simply a work of fiction.

There was an eerie silence in the house now. Logan had only ever heard it once before. He knew he felt empty without Patton around, but without Virgil around it was worse. Logan felt… deserted, abandoned, completely alone. He knew that there were people out there for him, but he hadn’t felt like much to anyone in these moments. He didn’t like asking for help. He never did. So, he tried to just continue you on. Keep the house clean, go to work, make himself meals, and keep up with good hygiene. Logan was struggling the inside, but he assumed that it was his own fault. He blamed himself for all the things wrong with his life. Besides, he didn’t want to talk to someone else about his problems. He didn't want to feel like a burden and he didn't want to worry other people. He just felt guilty for feeling the way he was. He felt like it was all his fault for crashing that car over ten years ago. He felt like Patton was dead all because of him. He felt like he didn’t do a good job at taking care of Virgil. After all, Patton was better at it. Logan knew that he should’ve been the one to die in that crash, not Patton. Patton would have kept Virgil happy and loved and nurtured. He would never let Virgil get as bad as he did. Logan felt responsible for Virgil’s suicide attempt. Logan was failing the people he loved. How could he let all of these things happen? He felt so trapped. So worthless. How could he let the two people he loves more than anything in the entire world hurt like this? He just felt…. disgusted with himself. 

It was almost as if he felt hollow on the inside. Without Patton, there was no light in his life. Without Virgil, there was nothing to care for, nothing to focus on, nothing to worry about, and no distraction. Logan would often spend a lot of one on one time with his son on the weekends, but Virgil wasn’t around. Logan knew it was what was best for the kid, but… he missed his son that he loved oh so dearly. It was a lot for Logan to be without the two people he loved more than anything in the entire world. He already been to Patton’s grave that day, and there was no need to go back. He had already cried all his tears. He felt… stuck. 

However, Logan realized he was home alone. Completely alone. As depressing as that was, Logan hadn’t had alone time in years. Not unless he was going through an episode of depression. Now? Logan had the time to do whatever he pleased. Tonight he could do whatever he pleased. He could have another night under a blanket Patton knitted him while they were in college, or he could actually go out. Logan had heard all kinds of stories from Roman in the past about what going out is like. Logan rarely even went out on the town while he was in college unless Patton would go with him. Perhaps trying to go out for a night wouldn’t be so bad. He knew Roman was likely busy, and decided to text Remy. Remy came to pick up Logan and took him to a bar that he usually went to. Logan hadn’t been out in years and it felt strange. He still knew what he wanted to order from the bartender. It wasn’t like the house was completely rid of alcohol after all, and Logan knew how to mix drinks anyhow. Logan sipped on an alcoholic drink, and damn did it feel good. “Been awhile since you’ve been out, huh, babes?”

Logan nodded. “Yeah. I don’t think I have been to a bar like this since college.” He gave a small shrug. “It is nice.”

“Well, you’re very welcome.” Remy muttered. “I did invite our other friends. Roman, Emile, and Dex.”

“Dexter?” Logan raised an eyebrow. “That guy gives me the creeps.”

“You or Virgil? You stopped inviting him over because Virgil feared him, sweetheart.”

Logan sighed heavily. “Virgil…” Just his son’s name sent him back into a bad place. How could he let him hurt so bad? How could Logan not notice his only son’s struggle? It was embarrassing. He hated that all of this has happened. 

Seeing the sad expression on his friends face, Roman went over and hugged Logan. He was always there for Logan. “Who the hell brought up your past misery?”

“Misery makes good business.” Remy stated. “Let the man drink until he’s giddy.” He smirked. 

Emile rolled his eyes, “Or let his liver give out. You have to be careful, Logan.”

“Careful? Who’s she? Never heard of her.” Dexter hummed with a bit of a smirk on his face. “Lovely to see you again Logan, it’s been a few years. However old that son of yours is now.”

Logan sighed, looking down at his finished drink. Drink away the misery Remy said? Logan could do that. “I want another drink.”

“Now, that’s the spirit.” Remy hummed and ordered Logan another drink while getting ones for Roman, Emile, and Dexter. Remy seemed to know this bar better than the back of his own hand. It sounded insane, but it was no secret that Remy goes clubbing most of the time. 

Roman, the closest to Logan of all of them, kept a close eye on Logan. He was worried about him. He hasn’t seen Logan drunk before. It almost concerned him. It was a little obvious that Logan had struggled with depression, and Roman knew that alcohol only made the condition worse. Roman was worried as he danced with his friend. “Logan, you doing okay?”

“Okay?” Logan asked with a smile before scoffing. “I feel amazing!” He laughed softly. Sure, Logan hadn’t felt this happy in years, but it also was just a state of Euphoria. For the moment, Logan didn’t seem to care despite Roman’s concerns. 

Logan was sort of lost in the amazement of being out on the town. He hadn’t done this in such a long time. Dancing was wild, the music was loud, and cold alcoholic drinks just felt so good as they slipped down his throat. The night was a beautiful haze of a good time. The taste of alcohol, and maybe a bit of nicotine, danced on Logan’s lips. He doesn’t remember much after dancing with his friends. In fact, the next thing Logan remembers is waking up the next morning in a house that isn’t his own. He looked around with a bit of panic in his eyes. Where the hell was he?.... and who is this person who woke up next to? 


	2. You Were a Vision in the Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan finds out who he wakes up next to, and is quite shocked by what has happened. The events of last night are not something he can forgive himself for.

As sunlight broke into the room, Logan sat up and rubbed his temples. His glasses were placed on and he looked around. First noticing that we wasn’t wearing close, and second noticing where he was. He knew. It scared him. He clothed himself and just sat on the edge of the bed. His hangover was killing him. He placed his hands on his thighs and just tried to breathe. 

“Logan?” A voice questioned

Logan’s back straightened up. It confirmed exactly where he was. As if the the red and white curtains in the room weren’t enough. Logan fingered through his hair. He exhaled an extremely shaky breath. How could he do this? How did this happen? What exactly happened. “Good morning, Roman.” He said quietly. He held his head in his hands. He was stressed. As he fingered through his hair he felt something get caught, his wedding ring. Patton. Oh god.Logan descended into panic. How could he do this? Sure Patton was dead and gone, but... he vowed never to love another man. Logan didn’t love Roman, but still. Here he is waking up in another man’s bed. Another man’s house. He felt as if he had betrayed his own marriage. Turned away from Patton. Logan would never just sleep around. He was shaking. 

Roman got up and tied a red silk robe around himself. He moved around to face Logan. “Logan.” He said quietly. “It’s okay.”

Logan shook his head. “It is not.” He said quietly as tears rolled down his face. “Roman, what happened? What did we do? Why am I here?” He asked quickly and shakily. He wanted to know what happened between him and Roman. He was desperate to know. He didn’t want to think about what he was thinking. He didn’t want to know but he did. He was so in between. His heart shattering as he heard Roman’s next words.

“We slept together.” Roman said, not a hint of shame on his face, but he didn’t look joyful either. He could read Logan like a book. He knew Logan was unhappy, but dammit - Roman’s heart was soaring. “How drunk were you?”

“I don’t know! I don’t remember anything.” Logan stammered out. “I... remember Remy placing a vape pen in my mouth and someone grabbing my ass- oh god that was you wasn’t it?”

“Oh, no, that was Remy.” Roman stated. “It was an accident.” He explained and rubbed the back of his neck.

As Roman did so, Logan noticed the hickey on Roman’s neck. Oh boy did he feel shitty. It felt like he was stuck in hell. “Ugh... Roman I’m so sorry.” He said softly. “I have to get out of here.” He stood up and just started pacing. 

“Whoa, Logan.” Roman stood up. “There’s no need to get all worked up. Nobody has to know.” He offered. 

“I wanna talk to Patton.” Logan said immediately in response. He kept pacing. He glared at his damn wedding ring. He felt guilty and apologetic and just messy. He would never go out again. He would never drink. And jeez! He couldn’t even look at Roman. 

Roman sighed and crossed his arms. “You know he’s dead, right?” He stated, almost angry. “He can’t fucking hear you, Logan!”

“Bullshit.” Logan stopped pacing. “Virgil was told by Patton that Patton could hear me.”

“You’re joking, right?” Roman raised a brow. He kept a stare at Logan. “That’s not practical at all! What the hell are you thinking, Logan? How long with this damn denial last? PATTON. IS. DEAD. LET IT GO!”

Logan’s heart just shattered when he heard that. His neutral facial expression didn’t break. “You-.... I thought you were my friend.” Logan muttered and shook his head. His hands balled into fist as he stared at Roman. “You’ve just waiting for me to move, right? You just want me to move on. Well, new flash, Roman! I am /never/ moving on. I will always love Patton. You know what that means? I am never moving on! He’s my husbands I’ll never love you!” He said with an extremely serious facial expression.

Roman shook his head and laughed softly. “Is that so? I think your moans last night would disagree.” Roman stated. 

“Forget about that. That never happened.”

“Oh, yeah? How’s your ass feel right now?”

“Sore! But that’s not the point!” Logan nearly growled. He grabbed his own tie. He stuffed it in his own pocket. “Were you friends with me all these years in hopes I would move on?”

“Logan I-“

“Go suck a dick that isn’t mine! I have a husband.”

“He’s dead!”

“Not to me, Roman.” Logan said. “Not to me.” More got tears poured down Logan’s face as he left Roman’s house, nearly running. He was so pissed off. He was done with Roman. He had lost his closest friend. He felt like he had lost everything. His husband, his best friend, and his son. Things could change, but the defeated feeling was overwhelming Logan. It felt like everything was ending. Falling apart. So Logan started to walk to find something that would make him feel better. He wasn’t going home.... he off to find hope. To find relief. To find happiness. To find.... something. 

No one would see Logan for weeks. It was a mystery to where he disappeared to. So when Virgil came home from the hospital he was left to stay with Roman, and Roman was left with the job of explaining what the hell exactly happened to Virgil’s father…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’ve been working on this series for awhile. I just wanted to share it with all of you. All of the chapters are from song titles/song lyrics!


	3. ‘Til Someone Gets Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil comes back to find out what has happened to his father. He is placed in Roman’s care for the time being since Roman babysat Virgil do much when he was a toddler.

The door to Roman’s apartment swung open. The slight rain outside seemed to match Logan’s son’s aesthetic. Virgil had his hood up and his classic purple and black hoodie on. It may have matched Virgil’s aesthetic, but it also matched how Roman felt. Roman was left feeling guilty, lost, and hurt. He wanted to cry, but know he couldn’t. If all these years Logan could hold in his tears for Virgil? Roman could do it for a few days. Well… he would hope it would only be for a few days. After all, no one has seen Logan in weeks.

The angsty teen in front of Roman wanted answers. As the rain dripped onto the hood of his hoodie, he stared at Roman. It wasn’t like Virgil was unfamiliar with Roman. In fact, Roman took care of Virgil a lot when he was younger. So, out of all of Logan’s friends, Virgil knew Roman best. He raised a brow at Roman’s sad expression. “Why did Uncle Emile have to drive me here?” He inquired. It was going to be Virgil’s first question of many.

Firstly, the dramatic adult stepped aside to let Virgil inside. “Emile, Remy, and the others all agreed that I should have to pay for my mistakes.” Roman sighed and shut the door behind Virgil. “It’s a long story Virgil. Just know you’ll be staying here for awhile.” He responded, feeling more and more guilt slip into his system. He knew what question was coming next. Roman dreaded it. Roman didn’t want Virgil to be mad at him. After all, he had already lost Logan. He can’t lose Virgil too. He ran his fingers through his hair quickly as he heard Virgil up his mouth to speak. 

“Where’s my dad?” Virgil questioned. He was curious. Emile had picked him up from the hospital, and it was not who he was expecting. Virgil wanted to be with his dad. He missed him. He wanted to apologize for what he had done. He missed his dad like crazy. After all, Logan was the one thing that Virgil had as a constant in his life. He felt a little lost without him. 

Roman swallowed. He hated answering this question. He hated what had happened. He still had flashbacks to that horrid fight with Logan. He looked at Virgil as he sat down at the little bar in the kitchen. Roman sighed and stood across from Virgil. He leaned on the bar. “Your father went… missing a few weeks ago.” It was a struggle for Roman to get the words out. He knew whatever was happening to Logan was his fault. He sighed and looked at Virgil. “We haven’t seen him.”

“We?” Virgil said with a bit of a scowl in his voice. He was a bit fearful for what had happened to Logan. His dad. The only person that always had his back. Virgil sighed as he started picking at his nails. He had been biting his nails since he was a child and it was a real nasty habit. He would pick at the dead skin around his nails as a nervous tick he had. “Not Remy? Not Emile? Not you? Not anyone?” 

“Nope.” Roman school his head. 

“Why? What made him run away? Did something happen?”

There was more and more regret growing in Roman’s chest. He didn’t have any clue what to tell Virgil. How do you tell someone you slept with their drunk father because you have been in love with them for years? Roman didn’t want to tell Virgil all of this. He supposed this was Emile and Remy’s intent when they said that Virgil should stay with him. Roman sighed as he looked at Virgil. “Yes, something happened.” He answered. “I know you have a lot of questions, but it’s probably best you don’t know.” He responded. He wanted to keep this from Virgil as long as he could. 

“Bullshit. My dad kept me in the dark about my other dad’s death for the longest time. I don’t want things to be kept from me, Uncle Roman.” Virgil responded. “Tell me what the hell went on because maybe it’ll wipe that damn guilty look off your face. Did you do something to my father?”

It was reluctant, but Roman nodded. “It’s nothing… awful.” He sighed. “Just relax and sit back, Virge. This is a long story.” He muttered and seemed to close his eyes for a moment. He could recall everything so perfectly from that night. The bar, the music, the drinks, the taste of Logan’s lips, the way Logan would moan when- Roman cut himself off. He can’t think of that. He went through so much that night. As good as the sex was, he knew what came after the sex. Roman shuddered as he recalled the bitter tone in Logan’s voice. He felt so low. He looked at Roman. “Your father decided to go out one night with Remy. Emile, me, and uh-... Dexter decided to all go out with him. Logan hadn’t been out in such a long time. We all missed having fun with him like we did in college… Man, if you ever want a crazy college story of your old man? Let me know. There was this one time-”

“Roman, stay on track.”

“Right sorry.” He internally grimaced. He was hoping there was a way out of telling this story somehow, but he knew he had to live with his fate. Face what had happened. Tell Virgil what broke his father. He took a deep breath. “So, we all went out for the night. There was music and dancing and alcohol.”

“Are you trying to tell me my father became an alcoholic?” Virgil inquired. “That really doesn’t sound like something he did. Although, he did lose his spouse quite some time ago. I can only feel bad for him. Well… I feel bad for me. Bad for dead dad.” Virgil got side tracked in that moment, thinking of all the loss he had to suffer through as a child. He shook himself out of the memory and focused on Roman again. “Sorry, go on please.”

The beaten down man slowly nodded and took a breath. “So, Logan, your father, he became very intoxicated that night. We danced together and…. well, your father spent the night here.” Roman sighed, trying to push past his mistake. Trying not to let his heartbreak, don’t his hands shake, keep his breathing on track, and whatever happens? Don’t cry. “The next morning, your father and I got into a fight. Nobody has seen him since that night. I haven’t seen him since that fight.” He stated, so much shame in his voice. 

“You slept with my dad?” Virgil questioned. He was mad. He didn’t know all of the details and he is already furious with Roman. He couldn’t believe him. “That’s what I’m getting out of this. He’s upset because he’s not over my dead father, right?”

“Yeah, well, Patton is dead.”

Virgil paused, “Did you say that to my dad?” He questioned and looked at Roman. He noticed that Roman stayed silent. Virgil bit his lip in anger. “Roman! You know he’s in denial.”

“You know that?”

“Of course I do! I am not some four-year-old that you can distract with a cotton candy machine anymore! I fucking know things, okay? More than you think I do.” Virgil said. “How dare you say that to my dad! Now it’s all your fault he’s gone! You don’t even know where the hell he is!”

Roman sighed. He knew he had this coming, but that didn’t make it hurt any less than it did. He shook his head. “Virgil… We can find him.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and stood up, slamming his hands down on the table. “You don’t get it, do you?” He muttered as he started angrily pacing. “You probably had some perfect pair of parents growing up, huh? I only have my dad. Just my dad. He is the one thing I have always had! Helped me with homework, make me dinner, he does so much at his job just to keep us afloat! He is there through the harassment and bullying I go through. He is the one thing I have and he’s barely home. Now you’re saying I might not see him at all and it’s all your fault? Roman, this is fucking ridiculous. You were probably some popular kid in high school too, huh?” Virgil’s footsteps came to a stop so he could glare at Roman with a mighty rage. Virgil didn’t get mad often, but when he did? It was bad. “You have any idea the shit I go through? The hate letters, the cyber bullying, the graffiti on my locker, the gay slurs, the general harassment? No! Cause I bet you probably used to do it to other people too, huh? It’s scary as fuck, Roman. You know who I had? My dad! This is such fucking bullshit! I can’t believe you!”

“Virgil, I-”

“What? You’re sorry.” Virgil spat, clearly disgusted. “You should be.” He muttered and shook his head. “You know why I attempted to kill myself, Roman? Huh? Cause of my dad. He worries himself thin and sick. I am the one thing he constantly worries about. He does everything for him. He is always so high strung and I know it. So, I figured he’d have a better life without me. It would be easier for everyone at school. In fact, they wouldn’t even remember me. So thanks Roman, for ruining the one good thing I had in my goddamn miserable life!” He sighed. He picked up the bag he brought over. “Good luck taking care of someone who won’t even talk to you.”

Before Roman could say anything, Virgil disappeared into the room he would be staying in. Roman had already lost Logan’s trust. He was rather upset that he had lost Virgil’s too. He didn’t want it to come to this, yet it was his mistakes. He was just hoping he would get the chance to make up what he has done to Logan… Speaking of, everyone is rather curious of what happened to him. 

The footsteps had come from a dark shoe. A combat boot that was attached to rather stylish jeans. Remy looked at the barely alive body in front of him, a slight hint of worry in his eyes. Not that it’s noticeable behind the shades. He pulled them down to make eye contact with Logan. He wasn’t sure if Logan was even breathing. His eyes clearly glazed over.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’ll probably have an uploading schedule for the rest of the series. I just wanted to get the first three chapters out now. Hope you enjoy it!


	4. Where Did I Go Wrong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy finds Logan as a mess, and gets him help. Virgil asks questions about his deceased father.

Remy knelt down in front of Logan. His eyes took him up and down in concern. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know if the body in front of him was alive. Logan’s glasses were askew on his face, his tie was in tatters around his neck. He almost looked like a zombie. A distant glare behind the cracked glass of his broken frames. Logan’s dress shirt was slightly unbuttoned, revealing the bare skin of his chest. If Logan was sober, perhaps would look rather hot, but right now? It wasn’t clear if this shell of a man’s heart was even beating. Logan’s body felt cold and Remy wondered how long he had been there. He pressed a hand to Logan’s chest. He noticed his heart was still beating. Logan still had a pulse. Logan. Is. Alive. Remy called for help immediately, getting Logan into medical hands to make sure that he would live. “Well, someone got into too much fun, didn’t he?” Remy muttered. He sighed. He wondered what had driven Logan to this point… 

Rewind. What had happened to Logan after running away from Roman’s help. He had run in the rain. His echoing footsteps louder than ever. He noticed he didn’t have his phone on him and went back to the bar to get his phone. It all started there after running into Dexter again. Logan got tangled in with the wrong people. Some very wrong people… 

Anyhow, Remy was waiting in the hospital waiting room and Emile came through the door and walked over and hugged the other. “I can’t believe you found him.” Emile said and sighed. “Sorry I was late. I had to finish an appointment. Where’s Roman?”

“I didn’t call him.”

“You didn’t?” Emile questioned. “I thought he would be the first one notified. Roman is his emergency contact.”

“I guess he changed it before he became a druggie, babes.” Remy said, pushing his sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Logan’s got an addiction. It’s like his morales died.”

Emile sighed, “Logan is still going through grief that is why. Virgil told me what happened between his father and Roman. Virgil is still having a difficult time coping with his own suicide attempt and is struggling far worse without Logan around.”

“I thought you kept client information classified.”

“It wasn’t a therapy session. Virgil just opened up to me.” Emile simply shrugged. He looked at Remy up and down for a moment before a moment. “I urge you to contact Roman.”

“And give him the satisfaction of knowing Logan’s okay? He’s going to want to talk to him. Sweetie, do you have any idea what I’ve seen? Logan is going to need some care. He was nearly dead when I found him.”

Emile sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment as he thought. “Let me remind you that Roman has Virgil, and Virgil needs to see his father.” He said and looked at Remy once again. “Do you not agree?”

Remy rolled his eyes and groaned. He took out his phone and texted Roman to come to the ER with Virgil. Remy sighed and looked at Emile. “Roman knows. Happy now?”

“Very.”

“Logan needs love right now. Not someone who hurt him.”

“May I remind you that Roman is in love with Logan?” Emile raised an eyebrow. “Those two need to make up anyhow. They are best friends. Who cares if they slept together.”

“Wait- they had  _ sex _ ?” Remy smirked and sipped on his Starbucks beverage. “This plot is as thick as Roman’s ass.” He laughed softly. He got a text back and checked it. “They are on their way.” He hummed. “So what do you think happened? Because Roman is such a top.”

“I don’t care much for idle gossip, Remy.” Emile stated with a small hint of anger on his face. 

“But You love me~” Remy winked. 

Emile nodded. “I do.”

As time went on, there was more waiting going on. Logan was with doctors for a long time. He had to get all sorts of blood tests for whatever drugs had gone through his system. There was also the question if Logan took illegal drugs and if it were consensual to take the drugs or not. Logan was still basically an unconscious zombie when Roman and Virgil arrived on the hospital premises. Virgil raced over and hugged Emile immediately. “Hey, kid. You doing okay?”

Virgil shrugged and sniffled. “Why are you two here? Did you find my dad? What’s going on? Why are Remy’s lips swollen?”

“No reason, babes.” Remy replied, sucking on his Starbucks once again. “I found your father in an alleyway by a bar.” He explained. “I’ve been here for about four hours. Doctors are in and out seeing your dad.”

Virgil was a bit confused at all the commotion. An alleyway by a bar? It seemed so out of character for his dad. “What the hell happened to him?” He questioned as he raised an eyebrow. “Do you know?”

“Seems he was on heavy drugs.” Remy shrugged, carelessly answering Virgil’s questions without any caution. 

This was notable because Virgil’s anxiety began to rise. The dark circles under his eyes magnifying. “Is he gonna make it?” Virgil inquired as his hands balled into fists and looked down. There were tears welling up in his eyes. 

Remy wasn’t sure how to answer the lanky teenage boy. He looked over at Emile who took Virgil by the hand and sat him down in an emergency room chair. He gently placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “We don’t know, kid, but listen, okay? Whatever happens? Remy, me, and Roman? We are always around for you.” He rubbed his back. “Logan should be okay.”

It was true that Emile had no idea what he was talking about, but one could only hope. Optimism was a very important part of life. Emile always believed that. So he tried to keep everyone’s spirits up while consoling everyone in anyway he had to. Even Roman who seemed to be a bit of an outcast in this group suddenly. He knew of his mistakes, and had hoped to be forgiven sometimes soon. In all honesty, he just felt guilty as the silence between the four men became deafening. Well, if you can really call this group of people men. Roman just bit his lip. This was all his fault wasn’t it? He was the one that pushed Logan away, he was the one that slept with Logan, he was the one who screamed at him to get over his dead husband. How could he be so insensitive? He was so stupid for yelling like that at Logan. He knew getting over Patton was a challenge. Hell - Roman still missed the guy. Patton was always there. Patton would be able to make light out of this situation. Patton always boosted morale, made jokes, and could make anyone smile. 

As if Virgil could tell what Roman was thinking, Virgil sniffled. He didn’t know Patton for long, but there was still a hole in his heart where Patton was supposed to be. He missed his dad. Even if he only knew him for a short time. “Can we talk about him?”

“Who?” Emile looked up and over at Virgil. “Logan?”

Virgil shook his head, “Patton.” He sniffled. “When life gets hard, sometimes pops and I go through his stuff. I get to know him a little better through photographs.” He muttered and rubbed the back of his neck. “Dad was one ball of positivity, huh?”

Remy scoffed, “You know it, little dude.” He muttered. “Pat was so much happier than we could comprehend.”

“He was still a sad one though. He covered it in smiles. “ Emile explained. “He once told me he only felt comfortable opening up the sadness to your other father, Virgil. I can tell you if he were right now? He would busy himself with getting us food, serving to make us happy. It’s what he did.”

Virgil smiled faintly. “He sounds like a great guy.” He sighed a little bit. “I still wish I got to know him better. Papa still has a difficult time talking about him.”

“Well, whatever you want to know? You can know.” Roman spoke up for a moment. “I know you’re all not very happy with me, but… I would like to help in anyway I can.” He said quietly. 

Remy nodded, “Roman, you didn’t know he would do this.” He said. “I’d love your assistance. If Emile would allow and if Virgil’s okay.”

Virgil shrugged, “I just want to get to know my dad better. Even though you’re kind of a dick, Roman?... I guess I’m cool with it.” He muttered. He couldn’t stay mad at Roman forever. Everyone made mistakes. 

So, the group spent their waiting time enlightening Virgil on facts about his dead father since his father might be dying in a few rooms down a scary hospital hallway. Virgil seemed to be thrilled to learn more about Patton. He really did miss his dad, and he was understanding more why losing Patton was so hard on his father. Virgil was piecing more and more together. He was missing his dad more and more. He just wanted to see Logan. His skin seemed to crawl as a doctor walked over. He didn’t want to listen. He was tense. The doctor explained Logan was okay and awake. They could go see him, but after that he would need some rest. Virgil sprinted down the hallway. Remy, Emile, and Roman all walked in after Virgil. Virgil saw the tired, broken, and hurt man that was his father. He was all sorts of out of shape, he looked hurt and weak. Virgil’s eyes leaked orbs of salty water as he ran over to his father and gently hugged him. “Papa…”

Logan slowly hugged son back. It was difficult with all the machines his body was connected to via wires and tubes. He still managed to give Virgil a bit of affection. “Hey, kiddo.”

“You had me worried sick! Are you okay?”

“Just fine.” Logan said quietly and kissed his son’s head. “Just need to go through some recovery. I’ll be good as new in no time.” He said softly. He was so glad to be reunited with his son. Life wasn’t falling apart anymore. He could do this, right? Right. He just needed to regroup. Everything will be okay in just a little while. He can regain composure. Him and Virgil will be okay. He really thought so. Life would be okay. That’s when Logan looked up to see his friends. Remy, and Emile. He was glad to see him. Then there was Roman. Okay. Maybe things wouldn’t be okay. Logan wasn’t so sure. Everything was such a blur, yet he could hear the words Roman yelled at him a few weeks ago… How could he ever forgive Roman? 


	5. I Don’t Fear You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets a death threat at school, and has to think of a way to defend himself. School never felt safe to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Some serious topics are talked about this chapter. Death threats, bullying, and weapons. Please know I do not condone eveything my characters do. Do not do what Virgil does in this chapter please.

The echoing whispers of school gossip drove Virgil insane. He didn’t know how the school found out about his father. He assumed one of the student’s parents worked at the hospital or something along those lines. They all talked about how Logan, Virgil’s father, was some sick druggie. No wonder Virgil was so alone, his dad was insane! Virgil just tried to push past it. He opened his locker that morning and tons of papers fell out. It almost hurt as he received a few paper cuts on his knuckles he bent down and picked up each and every hate note he got. He looked at every hate written word. Why were kids so cruel? Why did gossipers know everything? Suicidal freak, monster, demon, raccoon eyes, loner, fairy, demonic, spawn of satan, fa- Virgil skipped over that one. He hated the gay slurs. He sighed as he crumpled them all up. He stopped at the last one on the floor in a black envelope. On it was a bit of silver sharper. ‘Addressed to the freak who acts like it’s the early 2000s but has two queers as dads’. Virgil sighed. He usually just let things that go. Something inside of him was urging him to open up the envelope. He was getting more and more of them lately. He decided to open this one up. Nothing sprung out, sprayed at him, or hurt him. Well, not physically. Virgil unfolded the letter inside as the hallway around him was empty. He tried to tears his eyes away from the hateful words, but couldn't seem to let it go. There was something very wrong here. His eyes flooded by the overwhelming waves of malicious words. His heart seemed to tear. A death threat. How could people be so cruel?

A shock of nerves rippled down Virgil’s spine as the late bell rang. He didn’t care that he was late to class. All Virgil wanted to do was run. Run as fast and as hard as his skinny, lanky, bruised legs would take him. He didn’t think the bullying would get this bad. He doesn’t think his dad’s technique of letting it roll off his shoulders would help either. This was more than a letting it go thing. Someone was out for Virgil. It terrified him to his very soul; however, he kept the note. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to show it to his dad because that would cause worry. His father is going through enough. He just didn’t know who to go or where to go… 

Everyday at school became a battle of anxiety, Virgil. He didn’t like who he was, what he was doing. He couldn’t take two steps without someone confronting him. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was the one who sent the death note. He just wanted to know who wanted to see him die. It just seemed so much easier to slit his son wrists, stab himself in his own miserable heart, grasp his own throat and suffocate, use one of his own dad’s ties to hang himself. Virgil shuddered at the thought. He can’t die. He couldn’t do it to his dad. Logan needed his son alive. Virgil knew that. He could do it. Just fight off mental illness. That couldn’t be too hard…. right? Just fight away the anxiety, the haunting depression, and everything else that went on in that fucked up mind. He could keep it together. Just take one step, one minute, one hour, one day, one week at a time. Days seemed to drag on for so long as he lost sleep. He didn’t feel safe. Not at school and not with himself. Cause maybe the kids were right… maybe he is a monster.

One day, the bullying got back down to physically fighting. Virgil felt himself take a few punches to the face. His lip swelling in the bottom left corner as he spit up some blood. The blood dripping from his forehead clashed with the dark marks on his eyes. He felt so weak. Everyone had to pick on him, everyone had to watch, and no one loved him. Not at school at least. It was harsh beating that he faced. The malicious laughter from the enemies who hurt him is what hurt the most. At least, so Virgil thought. He took a hard kick to the ribs and slid across the floor. His messenger bag he used as a backpack. The flap flew open and some of the contents flew out. A teacher stopping the commotion with his foot. His foot stopping Virgil’s bag from flying. Everyone gasped when they saw what Virgil kept in his backpack. 

A few moments later, Logan had received a phone call. He was out to lunch with Emile at the time. He was going through a lot of recovery from the episode he went through. He still can’t remember most of it. He tries not to anyhow. When he got the call from the school, Logan good mood slipped. “What’s wrong?” Emile questioned his friend. 

Logan hung up with a bit of a shocked expression on his face. He pocketed his phone and got up. “Virgil had a weapon at school. I have to go. I’m sorry, Emile.”

“It’s alright. I’ll cover the cost of lunch, okay? Good luck with Virgil.” 

“Thanks, Emile.” Logan sighed and went to his car. He drove the school as quickly and as safely as he possibly could. He was still driving with energy though. Virgil brought a weapon to school? What the hell was Virgil thinking? Was he planning something? Was Logan not paying enough attention to him again? There Logan goes, feeling guilty again. He was so worried about his son as he entered the son and went into the school. His worry didn’t let up as he saw his son in a chair outside the principal’s office. He sat next to him. He saw the blood bruises that littered his son’s body and only grew increasingly concerned. “Virge?” He spoke gently. “Did someone hurt you?”

Virgil slowly nodded and sniffled. He couldn’t looked at his dad. He fascinated himself with staring at the floor. He just slowly leaned back against the way so Logan could see the swollen bruises on his face.

It broke Logan’s heart to see his son like this. He sighed and looked over his injuries with tears in his eyes. “Virgil, you did not inform me that the bullies are back.”

“Never went away.” VIrgil mumbled, his eyes darting around for a moment in anxiety. He looked over at his father. He could barely hold eye contact as tears rolled down his face. “It was for self defense.”

“Pardon?”

“The knife… it was for self defense.” Virgil sighed. “I wasn’t going to kill myself… Someone else might though.”

The last sentence made Logan sit straight up. Someone else? Out to kill his son? That made his own world shake and feel like it was falling apart again. “Someone else?” Logan inquired. He bit his lip in concern. “Virgil, are you getting death threats?” He questioned. 

Virgil nodded and leaned against his dad. “They’re so awful! I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m gonna show your principal, Virgil.” Logan stated. “I told you that I would always protect you, and this is not any different.” He stated.

“What if it just gets worse?”

“We find you a new school, Virgil.” Logan said, confidently. “I can do that. I will find you a new school. Somewhere safe or something, okay? Just promise me you will never do what you did ever again.”

“I won’t Pops… I promise.”

Logan hugged Virgil. Logan sighed. Lately, it felt like he was barely keeping these two person family afloat. There was a lot to do and loads to take care of. He wished he could get help like he used. Someone to help Virgil through adversity… God, he just missed Patton. He wanted Patton here. He felt so alone. He pushed it away for now though. He can take care of Virgil, keep him safe, find him a new school. Everything would be okay in no time. Yes, no time. No time at all… At least, that is the lie Logan kept telling himself. “I love you, Virge. I promise everything’s going to be okay.”

Although Virgil felt like the world was against him, he still was happy his dad was there. What he just said meant the world to him. His dad could protect him from death threats. He sniffled, not parting their hug. “I love you too, Papa.” He muttered. “You’re the best dad a kid could ever hope for.”

Those words made Logan’s heart fill with joy. Suddenly all the struggles of being a single parent left him for a moment. It felt good to know Virgil trusted him. Logan loved his son with his whole heart. He was more than touched as he started crying too. “Thank you…”


	6. Forgiveness, Can You Imagine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil warns Logan of a tale of best friends that never spoke again. Realizing he is being ridiculous, Logan decides to talk to with Roman. 
> 
> WARNING:  
> Vulgar language below

As the days went on, Logan found things more and more tedious. Everything was getting more aggravating. Fighting off Virgil’s suspension, finding Virgil a new school, keeping up with work, keeping a social life, and figuring out who the hell drugged him. It was a lot for him to go through. Emile’s work was picking up, and Remy was in the Bahamas. Logan didn’t have any support. Then he realized who was his main source of support: Roman. 

The cold and bitter words from the fight still sting Logan’s heart. He never thought Roman would be so crude. How dare he yell at Logan to get over Patton. Logan just felt so torn apart by all of it. Did Roman really mean all of his friendly gestures, or was it all for something else? He wondered. He was curious. He wasn’t sure what say, what to think, or who to go to. He looked over at his son who was eating cereal despite the fact it was late afternoon. He had stayed home from school. He was too afraid to go today. Logan wondered what Virgil thought. Before Logan can speak up, “Pops, is something wrong?” Virgil questioned. 

Logan was surprised that his son picked up on his worry so quick. Then again, Virgil was quite the worrier himself. Logan cleared his throat as he looked at Virgil. “Um.. are you familiar with the situation that happened between Roman and I?” He adjusted his glasses. 

“It is possible he mentioned it.” Virgil muttered, with a small shrug. “I kind of got really pissed at him. I thought I’d never see you again so….” He shrugged once again. “I’m not thrilled with the guy but he seemed to be pretty upset about the whole thing, Papa. Up to you if you wanna do something.” 

Logan took into account what Virgil was saying was nodding as he poured himself a glass of water and sipped it casually. He sighed. Roman seemed to feel guilty? Well, after what he said, Logan would have hoped so. He sighed. “I need his support, but it is strange now.”

“Cause his dick was up your ass?”

“Virgil!” Logan exclaimed. “I have taught you better etiquette than that!”

“I suppose you have.” He muttered and sighed. “Still, that doesn’t stop a lot of people at school. Actually, I take this back. This girl screwed her best friend? They never spoke ever again. All they do is fight now.”

Logan sighed. Would that be him and Roman? Could one sex filled night really ruin their friendship? He didn’t want to think like that. Patton would remind him that nothing can’t be fixed. Not everything is meant to be fixed, but it didn’t mean that it couldn’t be. He took a breath and tried not to get too caught up in the thoughts of Patton for the moment. He nodded and swallowed. “I think I need to talk things out with Roman.” He sighed. “His words really hurt me.”

Virgil nodded, “I know, dad.” He muttered and cleaned his bowl and sighed. “I’ll be okay if you want to leave the house.”

“Promise?” Logan questioned and then saw Virgil give a small nod. “Alright, I suppose I should get ready to leave the house.” He adjusted his tie. “I need to do something on my day off.”

Virgil smiled and kissed his dad’s cheek. “Good luck, pops.” He muttered and went up to his room to be alone. He just needed to be alone sometimes, and this was one of those times. He was a rather antisocial kid. It did worry Logan at times, but he let it go for the time being.

Logan cleared his glasses and adjusted his tie before opening his tie to go out to Roman’s apartment, which is really just a bachelor pad. He opened his door and saw Roman right there about to knock. Logan froze in his tracks. Had Roman come to apologize? What was going on? Did Virgil know about this? This is so impromptu that Logan just wanted to scream. 

Roman had frozen for a second as well. He had complete intent of spontaneously apologizing to Logan. He knew what he had said to Logan was rather hurtful. He didn’t mean to harm his friend in anyway. He snapped. He felt guilty. He lowered his left hand from knocking on the door that had already opened. “Hi, Logan.”

“Salutations, Roman.” Logan said, almost too quiet for Roman to hear. He was still in shock. He has never seen Roman look so beaten down before. It was unlike Roman to look like this. It was extremely out of character. Logan stepped aside so that Roman could enter his home. He didn’t know what to say to him. After all, his last words to Roman were so cruel. Well, not his very last words. Those were about Patton. The other words are what were cruel. It was no secret that the fight between these two was absolutely insane. Logan did feel a bit at fault. If only he hadn’t gotten drunk… Logan felt like shit to say the least. Then again, when didn’t he? He tried to push it away. “Please, do come in. I was on my way to see you.”

Roman still felt so frozen and stiff as he stepped into Logan’s house. He looked around and saw everything was a mess. He wondered how Logan was really doing. He looked exhausted. Emile had told Roman what had happened with Virgil, and Roman was just hoping his best friend was okay. He followed Logan to the kitchen where Logan was making himself soup. Patton had always made it for Logan whenever he had an off day. Roam. Remembered that. Shit, what the hell was he thinking before? Patton was always present in this house in some way, shape, or form. He was such an idiot for saying what he said. Patton was very much dead, but his spirit was clearly alive. He sighed. “Logan… I’m really sorry.”

“I know.” Logan crossed his arms as he leaned against the fridge. He didn’t know what else to say to his friend. What Roman did to him was extremely uncalled for. He shook his head a small bit. “I do remember tidbits from that night, Roman.”

“Then you know you’re partially at fault?” Roman inquired. “For making advances on me while you were drunk?” He scoffed at him a tiny bit, but there was a blush in his cheeks as he recalled every moment. He knew it wasn’t completely Logan’s fault… 

“I am a bit of a flirt, Roman. I was not interested in you.” Logan explained to him, uncrossing his arms as he spoke. “You were the one to make a move on me. I could never love a man other than Patton. You should know that! You did know that, yet you blame me.”

“You were the one who didn’t drink responsibly!”

“So, what? The first time I go out since Virgil was adopted? Since Patton died? And this happens?” Logan adjusted his glasses. “I do not think this is primarily coincidental, Roman. You kissed me. You closed the gap. It was your chest pressed to mine, or rather your hips.”

Roman sighed and shook his head. He had no wish to talk about the details of that night. He had thought them over so many different times in his head. He looked at Logan. “Fine, okay? I know I made the move, but you were driving me crazy!” He groaned. “Logan… I’m sorry for what happened, but we can’t go back and change it.” He was trying to move on from it. Mainly because he was head over heels for his best friend. He couldn’t get over him. He didn’t know why, but… he just had to make sure Logan was okay now. He had to keep his best friend happy. 

“I know, but that does not change what you did.”

“You’re acting like a stick in the mud, Logan.” Roman sighed. “You are acting so strict about one mistake. Like jeez- what’s up your ass?”

“You were!” Logan snapped. Then he took a moment to regain his composure. He wasn’t really mad at Roman. He was furious with himself. He couldn’t believe he could betray himself and Patton like that. Logan swore to never love another man. Not for one second. He suppose that includes him and Roman have sexual encounters. Logan just felt guilty. He felt like he cheated on Patton even though he is dead. “Look… Roman-”

Roman shook his head, interrupting, “Logan, it’s fine.” He said quietly. “You’re upset and I’m sorry I upset you. I know that… you want to blame me when you’re blaming yourself. Don’t tell me I’m wrong, Lo, I know you.”

The male swallowed as he listened to Roman speak. He looked at him for a moment and nodded. “Roman, I am… quite aggravated about the events from that night. You did initiate it but.. I suppose it takes two to have- well, you know.” He muttered and shook his head. “I am mad and upset that I have gone against the vows of my marriage. I get that Patton is-.... well you know that too.” Logan muttered. He could never bring himself to say that Patton is dead. It was too difficult to say, and sometimes? Too hard to even think about. However, Logan is keeping his composure for once. No tears. “I just… swore to never love another man.”

Roman gave a small nod in response to what Logan is saying. He kept his eyes on him. He knew that this was a difficult subject for Logan. “Well, it’s okay, Logan… you don’t love another man. You didn’t. You don’t love me. You never said it back to me during the copulation.” Roman said, using the term that Logan normally used for sex to keep Logan comfortable. It hurt for Roman to say all of this, but he understood it was something Logan needed to hear. No matter what Roman did? He would never get Logan’s love. He knew that. He just needed to find a way to get over Logan… 


	7. Gone, I’m Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (LOTS OF TW). Dexter asks Logan to come out of the house ans just have a good time with him. Logan didn’t know what to expect.  
> Virgil thinks through life, school, and what he’s doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to remind you that I do not condone the actions my characters take. There always other options, and life does get better. Stay safe everyone.

There was something so disturbing about a silent house on a Friday night. It haunted Logan slightly. He could remember all the dates that he and Patton used to go on. Logan promised himself he wouldn’t go out tonight though. He promised himself. He made too many mistakes already. He let Roman and Remy go out to a bar together. Things were still awkward between Logan and Roman anyhow. The distance between the two of them was something to be mended, but it would take time. He couldn’t believe everything that had happened recently. Logan was sitting on a kitchen counter. He was waiting for Virgil to come home from a walk, but it had been hours. Logan had assumed that Virgil had just gotten himself dinner, but that wasn’t the case… Logan looked at his phone as he received a message. He looked and noticed that it wasn’t Virgil. It made his heart vibrate a tiny bit. He wanted to know that Virgil was okay. The kid had been going through so much lately. Logan had recently gotten news on transferring him too; it made Logan wonder if transferring was too much stress on his overly anxious son. He just wanted to make sure he was safe again. He couldn’t let Virgil roam around in a school where he was getting death threats. It was affecting Virgil’s health in more than one way. He just wanted to protect him. 

Anyhow, Logan decided to look at the message he had received. He was more than shocked when he saw that it was Dexter, but a bit confused too. He hadn’t seen Dexter since his night with Roman. Why wasn’t Dexter out with Remy and Roman? He was a bit puzzled, but Logan opened the message nonetheless. 

[Dexter: Hey, Logan? I heard you weren’t coming out tonight. Sssssomething wrong?]

[Dexter: Sorry. My ‘s’ key glitched for a moment.]

Logan looked over the messages, the glow of his screen shining in his face. He knew Dexter wasn’t a trustworthy guy. He sort of found it suspicious that he hadn’t seen Dexter since he spent the night at Roman’s house, well apartment. Logan wondered if Dexter had anything to do with the mess. Logan bit his lip before even opening his keyboard to a response. Does he tell Dexter the truth? He wasn’t sure he should. He could just tell him that he was staying home with Virgil for the night. After all, Logan was allowed to spend time with his son, wasn’t he? That didn’t sound so bad. It was a decent truth after all. Logan was planning on spending his night watching movies with Virgil. Besides, he should stay in case Virgil got hurt or something. However, if he said he would leave the house and talk to Dexter? Perhaps he could get some answers on why he has disappeared. It was a true dilemma, and Logan was confused on what to do. He wanted to be there for Virgil, but he also wanted answers. Would it be so bad if he was selfish just this once? 

[Logan: At home with Virgil.]

[Dexter: Bullshit. I just saw Virgil at a gas station.]

[Logan: He went for a walk.]

[Dexter: Intriguing. He is also a teenager. He can take care of himself.]

A sigh fell from Logan’s lips as he read this. He knew that Virgil could take care of himself, but he was worried. He didn’t want to tell Dexter that Virgil was getting death threats. Honestly, he did not think that Virgil would appreciate him sharing that information either. 

[Logan: Point taken]

[Logan: What do you want exactly?]

[Dexter: I want you to come out and have some fun.]

[Logan: I decided against doing such immature things since my incident.]

[Dexter: Boo fucking hoo.]

[Logan: Just go have fun with Remy and Ro. I know they’re out at a club right now. Something about Roman needing to get over something.]

[Dexter: Right…]

[Dexter: Well……..]

[Dexter: I was sort of hoping that we could hit up a bar together. Just you and me.]

The text made Logan shudder a tiny bit. Just him and Dexter? What was this? Logan didn’t like the thought at all. Although, again, it would provide him with answers that he didn’t have. 

[Logan: Where…?]

[Dexter: Same place we met last time. I promise it’ll be fun]

There was a little bit of regret in Logan’s mind when he told Dexter he would go and see him. He wasn’t doing it for drugs, or to get drunk, or to have a good time. He just wanted answers. He felt like something was off with Dexter. He had to get down to the bottom of it even if that meant going out to a bar alone with him. What was the worst that could happen? It was just him and an old friend. Logan promised himself that he wouldn’t touch a single drop of alcohol… 

Eventually, Logan had driven himself all the way to the bar that he had been at a few weeks ago. It reminded him of the grave mistakes he had made that night. The drinks, the dancing, the-... the Roman. He tried to push down the memories into the back of his mind. He didn’t want to recall anything from that time. After all, he can’t seem to remember much after the fight with Roman. Perhaps Dexter knew. Logan could only hope. He met his friend at the entrance of the bar. 

“Greetings.” Dexter seemed to hiss upon meeting up with Logan. “Been awhile, hasn’t it?”

“I suppose so.” Logan shrugged and greeted his old friend with a firm handshake. “So, why here? Was there a secondary location you wanted to head to?”

“I thought you might want to have the same amount of fun as we had last time?” Dexter questioned with a smirk, he ran his fingers along the brim of his hat. 

The smirk on Dexter’s face caused Logan’s blood to run cold. Why did he feel as if he had seen that before? Why were Dexter’s hands shifting in his pockets? Logan had a flash of a memory crash into him. However, before he realized that Dexter was with him when he took the drugs? It was too late… 

The other member of this small family wasn’t doing too well either. Dexter had lied about seeing Virgil because Virgil was in a field. There was a breeze flowing through his hair. It made his bangs fly around in front of his hair like mad. He walked through the grassy field. It reminded him of his dead father. He didn’t understand how his dads could hangout in places like this when they were just a bit older than he was. He was supposed to because they had someone to share it with. Virgil had no one. He hated hate letters and death threats. He had bullies and snobby bitches. He had misery and hatred. He felt like the monster that the kids always made him out to be. He had never attacked someone, but he had hoped one day he could stand up for himself. Instead, he is running away. Perhaps it was better this way. To transfer out of the school. Sure, it was further away from the house, but the kids might be nicer there. Maybe they won’t want to kill him for once. That would be… refreshing. 

Virgil took a few steps into the field that he found himself in. His hands were in his hoodie pockets. He heard an airplane fly overhead as he walked into the middle of the field with the breeze blowing. He envied the people on the plane. It could crash and they could die. No one would call them suicidal freaks. Better yet, they are getting out of this place. Virgil didn’t like where he lived. He blamed school and the death of his father. He just felt so haunted. He made so many mistakes and he wasn’t like other kids either. That’s why he got picked on. He was edgy, emo, mysterious, dark, and had those weird dark circles under his eyes. He was just born with them. Logan could never explain to Virgil why they were there. Why they existed… It didn’t make any sense. 

His hands fidgeted inside the warmth of the purple and black hoodie. He had worn this hoodie for most of his life. It was notable that it was zipped all the way up, but it normal wasn’t. He was wearing something else underneath it. It was a little crazy since it was rather warm in Florida, but the breeze kept Virgil frigid as his miserable heart told him he was. Virgil took his hands out of his pocket. A shiny gun in his hand. He had gotten it after visiting Roman a few days ago. It was true Logan and Roman were still trying to mend their relationship, but Virgil didn’t have a problem with Roman. Besides, he was having trouble with facing the fact he had to go to school with people who want to murder him. So, Virgil stole a gun from Roman’s house. He was surprised that Roman hadn’t noticed. It was quite shocking. 

Anyhow, Virgil stood in the middle of the field and looked around. It was a beautiful place to be in. He thought about how beautiful it would be to just drop dead. Let crimson goo drip from his temple and into a cold, miserable pool of goop. He was ready to let his body someone become more than it already is. After all, kids at school can’t carry out a death threat if he’s already dead, and he has to continue to go to school until his transfer. This was the easy way out, and Virgil knew he was a coward. They always say suicide is for coward, and Virgil’s scared. He’s more than afraid. He needed his soul to escape this malicious life. It meant he would get to see Patton again. Virgil needed his positivity and hugs right now. He just wanted to be loved and protected. Logan was doing a fine job, but there were some struggled Virgil couldn’t seem to speak about. He just wanted to be free from his miserable life. He tried before and now he would try again. He didn’t care what it took. 

The cold barrel of a gun felt good against his head as a droplet of sweat rolled down. His hands were shaking as if Virgil were some human earthquake. Something deep down inside of him was crying out telling Virgil he shouldn’t do this, but… he’s already cocked the gun. He felt his eyes pour out hot tears as he pulled the trigger back. He had jolted slightly so the bullet didn’t go into his brain, but rather further down on his face. It was still a fatal injury, and if he didn’t get help soon, he would die…. 

Virgil and Logan were stuck in similar situations. Dying without the love or support of anyone else there. Virgil falling and his bloodied body falling to the ground. Both Logan and Virgil left with their pulses dying. Just hoping for some kind of light. Won’t someone come save them?


	8. I Spend Hours in the Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Virgil find safety as their body heals from their nearly fatal wounds.

His eyelids slowly fluttered open through the haze of everything. A gentle golden sunlight beaming down on him. He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck, craning it slightly. Logan felt almost refreshed and that made no sense to him at all. What was he doing? Where the hell was he? The last thing he remembered was Dexter… Well, it didn’t matter now. Logan looked around, a golden gleam seemed to hit everything. It seemed so familiar. He stood up and looked down at the clothes he was wearing. It wasn’t similar to the ones he was wearing when he had met Dexter. These were different. The outfit seemed familiar. Logan felt something on his head and placed his hands on it. A flower crown. That is when it hit Logan where he was. He was in the meadow where him and Patton first told each other that they loved each other. It excited Logan. Was he about to see Patton again? 

A small curled up anxious teen stood up somewhere in the meadow as well. He had started to follow the trail in front of him. He knew exactly where he was since he had been here before. He knew where the path would lead him too. 

Down this path sat a cute Patton. He was braiding blades of grass together and humming to himself as he heard footsteps. He stood up. He looked to his right and saw Virgil. He looked to his left. He made direct eye contact with Logan and gasped softly. He wasn’t expecting to see his husband, but he wanted to just cry at the sight. He wasn’t ready for this. Not at all. It was quite shocking to him. His eyes welled up with tears. He had Logan’s voice talking to his grave for years and years on end, but… he never really saw him, and now here he is! It was unbelievable. It was… almost insane. Logan couldn’t believe it anymore than Patton could. Logan was standing in front of the man he watched die so many years okay. Tears were pouring down his face. He was as shaky as Virgil usually got during a meltdown. He wasn’t sure if he could touch Patton, but he wasn’t able to find the words to speak to him either. He felt like he could black out right then and there. This was Patton. Patton was here. In front of him. He was in so much shock. It was if the shattered pieces of his previously obliterated heart were being sewn back together. 

It slowly came into Patton’s mind that Logan was choking on tears of joy that he wished he weren’t shedding. Patton rushed up to Logan and wrapped him in a tight hug. “Hi, Logiebear.” He said quietly. 

Patton’s words might’ve been quiet, but they filled Logan’s heart with such joy. It had been so /long/ since he last heard Patton’s voice. He let his tears pour as he hugged his husband back. He felt like it had been ages since he’s seen him. His heart felt so filled with joy. He never wanted to leave this moment. Life was okay again. Wait- life. Logan snapped out of his chimerical thoughts for a moment. What was he doing here? Why was he with Patton? Had he died? Logan didn’t understand what was going on. He pulled away after pressing a kiss to Patton’s forehead. He looked at him. He just gazed into his eyes for a moment. He missed getting lost in those gorgeous chocolate brown eyes. His heart was relieved. Logan was so torn. He wanted answers but he wanted to just stay in this moment with Patton. He didn’t want to blink, afraid he would miss something. He regretted every second, every minute, every haunting hour he missed with Patton. Every moment he missed with raising Virgil, every week he missed dates, all the birthdays, the anniversaries, and the bad days. Logan was missing Patton. Aching for him to someone come to his aid. Now, here he is. As many unanswered questions there are? Logan didn’t ask them. Not at this moment. Patton was in his arms again. That’s all that counted. That’s all he’s ever wanted.

Unfortunately, there is a third member at this party: Virgil. He was very touched at the reuniting of his fathers. He knew that Logan must’ve been wanting this for a long time. Virgil was a bit surprised. He’s never seen his two dads together. Not since he was three years old. It was shocking. He was glad to see his dads together, but he had so many questions. Is he officially dead? What killed Logan? Is this a dream? Is this the same in between life and afterlife he has been in before with Patton? Why was Logan here? Why was he here? What is going on?

As if he could hear all of his questions his son had, Patton began to sleep. “Lovely to see you again, Virgil. Did you grow a few inches since the last I saw you?” He laughed softly. “I’ve always wanted to say that.” Patton seemed so joyful to see both of his favorite people in one place. Not to mention, to see Logan again! He was overjoyed. “And Logan! You look like you haven’t aged a day! You go through so much stress and you look amazing!”

“I would have thought I gained a few gray hairs from our little storm cloud, but I suppose not.”

Patton gasped softly. “Our little storm cloud. Oh gosh, I forgot that’s what we used to call Virge.” He looked at his son. “I’m so proud of you, you know that? I know I said all of that last time, but look at you. You’ve been so brave.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow and looked around. He sat down in the grass and sighed. Logan immediately knelt down to go to him,thinking he had to care for Virgil, but Patton was already next to him. Virgil looked at his dad. There was some slight confusion in his expression. “Dad, are we where I think we are?”

Patton gave a nod. “Yeah, kiddo.” He kissed his head. “Logan, you look confused.” He said and held Logan’s hands. “You are in my in between. My soul is here waiting for both you and Virgil. You are not quite dead, but your soul has traveled here for safety.” He muttered. He swung his and Logan’s hands a bit. It had been so long since he had felt someone, touched someone, been with someone. He was just so thrilled to see Logan. “I believe Virgil had told you about this place?”

All Logan could do was give a small nod. He couldn’t believe Patton was standing there holding his hands. He couldn’t think of anything else. The guy was in awe. He didn’t have much to say, but he tried to. “Patton, darling… I-”

“Shh, I know.” Patton said softly. “Take your moment. Gather yourself. This is a lot for you I know.” He kissed his nose and pulled Logan to sit with him and Virgil. He leaned his head on Logan’s shoulder. “I hear every word you have said to my gravestone… I can’t tell you how many times I wish I could just break out and hug you. Shower you with love and affection. Tell you that you can get through these things because… I can hear you, Logiebear.” Patton sighed. He looked at the wedding ring on Logan’s hand and smiled. “You really haven’t taken it off.”

As Patton looked at Logan’s wedding ring, Logan was reminded of the guilt he had just put himself through. He had to talk to Patton about this. He swallowed as he looked at him. “I did something awful…” He said quietly. 

“I know.” He gave a small nod. “Well, depending on what you’re talking about. I know everything that happens to you two. I know you slept with Roman, Lo. I’m sorry you are going through so much over one little mistake. I wish I could go down there and tell you that it’s okay. I’m dead. You’re technically single, honey. Just take a deep breath and know I will support you no matter what. I do forgive you for what happened. I’m not saying you should start dating again because it doesn’t look like you’re ready for that. Just remember I’m with you… okay?” Through the process of saying this, tears began to slip down Patton’s face. He felt so useless when it came to helping his husband cope with life. “I know you’re going through a lot right now, but you are doing great, sweetheart. You are going to pull through.” He kissed his cheek. He turned over to Virgil. There were still tears running down his face. “Virgil, I know, okay? It’s really hard, right? You just want to give up. I wish I could make it easier for you, but I can’t control other people.” He sniffled. 

“Dad, I have to stay there until the end of the semester. You don’t know what it’s like.” Virgil started crying now too. “You don’t know what it’s like. It’s so scary. I don’t wanna live like this anymore.”

Patton hugged him and rubbed his back. “Shh, shh, shh… I know, I know.” He said gently as if he didn’t want his words to hurt Virgil. “I know what they say to you and I know it’s scary. I wish I go out there and fight for you. Keep you safe here with me. I can’t… I wish there were something I could do. If there was? You would be safe, Virge. You would happy and I would make sure none of those kids bullied you. You would have friends and a safe school. And Logan…” He turned back to his husband. “I would make sure you were as happy as you could be. I would clean the house while you picked up more papers to work on. You have so much to do and just know that I’m madly proud of you for how strong you are. You persist and overcome. I am so… so proud. If I were in your position I would just fall apart.” Patton sighed and wiped his own eyes. He hadn’t cried in such a long time. It was a little crazy. “Oh- and for all the times you’ve said it to me and you couldn’t hear me? I love you. I love you so much, Logiebear. I love you. You. I love  _ you _ .” He said. 

Logan wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist and kissed his head. He finally had enough confidence in his system to talk to Patton. The shock was slowly fading out of him now. He was going to be okay. He was with Patton right now. That is all that mattered. He wasn’t sure how long it would last so he had to cherish it. “I love you too, Patton dearest.” He said softly. He had missed him so much. He looked into Patton’s eyes again. “Forgive me for doing this in front of you, Virgil.”

He raised a brow, “Doing what, exactly?”

Logan looked back at Patton and planted a kiss right on his lips, tears going down his face once again, but Patton had kissed back. These two soulmates were reuniting in an in between life and afterlife. He couldn’t believe this. Neither of them could. Both of their hearts felt so full and just fulfilled. There were no other words to describe it. 

Suddenly, Patton pulled apart from the kiss. It made his cheeks tint a light, dusty rose of a pink. He was thrilled to see his family, but he had to be the one to talk to them. He rubbed his eyes and sniffled. “As glad as I am to have you two here… it is not yet your time. You still have so much life ahead of you.” He sighed. “Logan, you have to watch Virgil grow up, keep him safe, keep him the love that two fathers could even though you’re only one. You will continue to work and do great things. Tell our friends I say hello.” He said and then turned to their son. “Virge, you have to pull through. It gets easier. You are just in a tough spot, okay? You’ll be okay kiddo. Just know I’m watching over you. I’m watching over you and your father. If you ever want to talk to me? Go to my grave. I’ll hear you.” He explained. “You two can’t stay. You have so much to live for.”

“But we just got here.” Logan said weakly. “I… I do not wish to leave, Patton. I already lost you once and I can not lose you again.”

“You aren’t losing me.” Patton said quickly. He cupped Logan’s face in his hands. “I will always be with you. Promise me you’re going to live, Logan. You can’t die to be with me. You have to wait until it’s your time. You have to wait. Promise me you’ll wait, Logan, please.” Patton begged while tears streamed down his face. He hated seeing Logan in pain, but he had to tell Logan what was right. He had to do it out of the good of his heart. He had to keep his family safe. Logan and Virgil. Even if that meant saying goodbye right. 

Logan shook his head as hot tears poured out of his eyes. He didn’t want to leave. He couldn’t, but at the same time… he had to go back to reality. He had to do this for Patton. He loved him too much to disobey his wishes. “O-Okay… I p-promise, Patton.” Logan stammered out. He placed a gentle kiss on Patton’s lips again. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Patton said, softly. He hugged him and Virgil all at once. It was so warm and loving. It was such a family moment. It felt never ending. However, all good things must come to an end. There was no choice. There was a light… Virgil and Logan were taken away from Patton. Patton standing up, barefoot in his flowery field. “I’ll be watching over you…” He whispered, even though they could no longer hear him. 

There was a harsh pain when they were returning to reality. Virgil receiving stitches in his face for shooting himself there. His face was numbed, but he was horrified to open his eyes and see the doctors that surrounded him. He was going to die… but it wasn’t his time. He reminded himself of that. He could return to Patton when it was his time. 

The return seemed to affect Logan much worse than it did Virgil. Logan woke up in an empty hospital room alone. Hooked up to machines that just kept him breathing. Tears streamed down his cheek. He just saw Patton again after the first time in years. It was heartbreaking as he went through the grief of realizing he wasn’t there anymore. He had to leave him so he could live the life that Patton never got a chance to. Logan had promised Patton that he would live, but it was a struggle to stay breathing… He promised though. He could endure the pain knowing he would reunite with Patton again someday.


	9. I Want a Tight-Knit Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: suicide attempt mentioned, medicine

Going home after all the procedures at the hospital was a difficult transition for the two person family. Virgil had stitches going across one of his cheeks from the wound of a gunshot. It would eventually go away, but for now he truly looked like some sort of deformed monster. He felt disgusted by the discoloration in his skin. It may be temporary, but it bothers him nonetheless. He started wearing the hood up in his hoodies more often in an attempt to hide the stitches.

Logan was having a difficult time holding to his promise. He wanted to give in and give up. He wanted to see Patton again. It was hard to take one breath, but even more of a struggle to force himself to walk. He felt like he was in the dark. Patton was his light. Everything is gone now. Except Virgil. He still had Virgil in his life. If he still had his son, all was well. He could live with him and Virgil who, right now, is wearing Patton’s old cat hoodie. It seemed Virgil was having difficulty parting with his father, but Logan was no different. He had one of Patton’s light blue polos. It was just odd to see Logan in something colorful. He usually dressed monochromatic, specifically black since the accident that happened so many years ago. 

Almost reluctantly, Virgil sat down at the dinner table. He pulled up the hood on the cat hoodie and looked to the right. He was ashamed of his injury; especially since it was his fault he had it in the first place. Kids at school poked fun at him for it. So, he tried to hide it from his own father. He was ashamed, embarrassed, and felt isolated from the rest of the world. His heart felt cold. He only ever got love from his father. Fatherly love. Virgil was happy he had Logan, but now he was beginning to miss Patton more and more as memories came back in flashes to him. 

~~~~

Patton had taken Virgil to a butterfly garden. He was two-years-old. He had a tiny black sweater on and purple cargo shorts. He was just a cute little guy in his dad’s arms. He was surprised by his surroundings. “Daddy! Look!” Virgil called out, pointing at a butterfly. It was royal, not a monarch, a royal. “Flutterfly!”

Patton laughed softly, “Yeah, kiddo! It is actually a butterfly.” He kissed his cheek. He only corrected the kid because he knew that Logan would want him to. Besides, Logan was on a business trip for the time being. He was completely out of the house. It was just him and Virgil in the house for the moment. “Pretty, right?” 

Virgil tried to reach out for the butterfly. “Yes! So pretty. I wan’ it!” He reached out and laughed with a smile. 

~~~~

Virgil touched his scarred cheek as he thought back on the memory. Patton kissed his cheek. His father really did love him. Virgil wondered how many kisses from Patton he missed on. On the forehead when he’s sick, on the cheek as he falls asleep, on the nose because Patton was just goofy like that. 

Logan walked over and removed Virgil’s hand from his injured cheek. He knew it was bad for the healing process of his cheek. He wanted to make sure that Virgil’s cheek healed correctly. He felt guilty for letting Virgil’s health slip so much. He felt guilty for going out with Dexter that night. He still felt guilty for Patton’s death. The beeping, or rather lack of beeping, from Patton’s heart monitor still rings in his head as he placed dinner on the table that nice. He remembered when Patton used to be the one to make dinners, and so did Virgil… vaguely. 

The teen just sighed when his hand was moved so quickly. He looked at the chicken that his father had made. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as the rain outside got louder. The sigh was the first noise that had even been heard in the house that day. Virgil had been silent since he left the hospital, and so was his father. They both weren’t sure where to start with words. Virgil was coping with his father's death that happened when he was three. Logan hid it from him until about three or four years ago. He felt a bit betrayed, but understood why Logan did it. He just… wish he spent more time at that gravestone now that he knew his dad could hear him. It was just too much for Virgil most of the time. 

These two have only been out of the hospital for about forty-eight hours now. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other or even left the house. Logan couldn’t find the strength to speak, or even grab his car keys. He played with the bandages on his arms every once in awhile. He wanted to go to Patton's grave, but he wasn’t quite so sure what to say to it now that he knew Patton could hear him. He wasn’t sure how to tell Patton that hadn’t been speaking. Although, if Patton was watching over him? He must already know. Logan decided that it would be best to actually speak to his son. Someone had to make the first move after all. “How’s your healing going, Virgil? Are you still in pain?”

It was a hoarse voice that Virgil heard, but he knew it was coming from his broken shell of a father. He looked at him; Virgil was unsure of how to answer his dad. In pain… such a tricky question. Emotionally? Yes. Mentally? Yes. Physically?.... Yes. His cheek did hurt. He was scared to take his pain medication out of fear of wanting to drown in the pills, swallow too many, get addicted, and try to commit another suicide. It scared Virgil. He sighed and looked at his dad. “Yeah.” He sighed, speaking as quietly as he always did. 

“Are you taking your pills?” Logan said as he placed food on his own plate. He promised to live and so he was trying to take care of himself better than he was in the past. He wasn’t letting go of Patton, but he was starting to survive again. More than survive, perhaps. “I thought I saw the bottle was full.”

“It’s unopened.” Virgil muttered as he twirled the fork in his hand. He slowly began to take food onto his place. It made his cheek when he chewed, but he figured he had to at least try to feed himself. Worth a try, right? “Too scared to take them.”

“Are you living?”

“I barely am.” Virgil sighed. “I can’t deal with the pain, but I fear taking something that could kill me when Dad told me to stay alive.” He shrugged slightly. “Kids at school make jokes about me skinning myself. The hate notes are getting worse. I keep telling myself just a few more weeks… and Dad said just wait. So… yeah.”

A small sigh escaped Logan’s lips as he began to eat his dinner. He didn’t know Virgil was back to living in such fear again. He wished he could keep Virgil home and wrap in a blanket for safety. He didn’t want his son getting hurt. He promised that he would never let the. world hurt Virgil, but it was hurting him. He just tried to do what he could to protect his son. “You father’s words really stuck with you, huh?” He inquired, raising an eyebrow. He knew that what Patton said had impacted him as well, but he didn’t want Virgil living in fear because of it. 

To answer Logan's question Virgil simply shrugged. He then gave a deep sigh as he placed a slice of chicken on his fork. He took a bite of the chicken and hesitantly placed his fingertips on his right jaw. Why did his cheek have to hurt so much? He had to deal with such awful repercussions for one suicide attempt. Well, it was his second one, but that isn’t the point. He just didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to disappoint his father. 

The small nod that Virgil gave to Logan made Logan’s heart tense for a moment. It was the first real emotion he has felt since he was in the weird in between where Patton’s soul was. He did have hope that Patton’s soul was alright waiting. Logan sighed as he tried to focus on the current problem at hand. He sighed slightly as he did so. “Virgil… I know your father said that we have lives to live, but who are we if we live in fear?” He started simply. “It’s okay to take pain medication and go out of the house. We can be alright… but we need to rely on each other more. We still have each other, right? I know…” Logan looked at the third chair at the dinner table. The empty one. The one Patton sat in. He focused back on Virgil as he adjusted his glasses. “I know it’s hard. We can visit the grave more if that helps, but… we do need to live, right?”

“Right…” He muttered, staying silent. 

Logan nodded, “So will you try to let go with me? Not of Patton, but of the fears. He is with us, Virge.” He was trying to be the strong one here, and he thought he wouldn't be able to do it, but he is. He is thriving; well, he’s started to. Logan wanted to be in his husband’s embrace; however, he had to focus on the now. It was extremely difficult, but what other choice does he have? He wasn’t letting go of Patton or the past or his guilt. He was just trying to lift Virgil’s spirits. “Promise me you’ll try to let go of the fear.”

Virgil looked away for a moment, but saw himself in the reflection of the television. He saw the monster of a wound on his right cheek. He was so embarrassed by it, but… he survived. He is still surviving because of his dead father. Patton saved Virgil with words, and that is something that so many people couldn’t do. He took off his hood and gave Logan a small nod. “I promise… I’ll do it for dad.”

A small, so faint and gentle, smile appeared on Logan’s face. He was calm. For Patton. Logan could do that. He had been doing that for years, and now he’s got Virgil on board. They will do it for the deceased member of their petite family. Do it for the other person they both loved. Logan was doing it for the only man he has ever loved and the only man he ever will love. For Patton. 


	10. Think We Kissed But I Forgot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman tries to hook up with Remy.

Sure, Logan and Virgil were going through some tough things, but they aren’t alone on this planet. Roman was doing his best to forget his past pain. He knew that sleeping with Logan was mistaken. Hell- he knew it back when he was doing it. He was just so in love that he let his emotions take over for the moment. Those hot and heavy moments with Logan. Gosh peck - they could still give him chills. He thought there was no way to get over it. He would get under it, but Roman honestly isn’t that much of a bottom. He needed to distract himself from the horror of being in love with his best friend who is still mourning his dead husband while raising a child. Though, Virgil seemed rather mature every once in awhile. However, that is not the point. The spotlight is on Roman right now. 

After three days of moping around his apartment and trying to treat this like a regular romantic breakup, Roman decided that staying cooped up at home was pointless. It wasn’t like him to do something so introverted. He put on one of his favorite outfits and decided to contact Remy. He wanted to go out with one of his closest friends that wasn’t Logan. Remy. It was the only answer to having a good time, wasn't it? Well, it sure seemed that way. 

[Remy: You have been MIgAy for weeks, Roman. What’s with the sudden appearance?]

[Roman: Always have to be the dramatic one, am I right?]

[Roman: I wasn’t up to much lately.]

[Remy: and now you are?]

[Remy:....]

[Remy: I’ll let it go.]

[Roman: Really?]

[Remy: I’m on my way.]

For the next few weeks, Remy took Roman bar hopping. It was a euphoria and a bit of an oasis. There was no hint of Logan to prevent Roman from being happy. He was in euphoria. He danced with other people, sang stupid pop songs, and got a little tipsy here and there. He would never get fully drunk because he didn’t believe in drunken hookups, and boy- did he have some hookups. He was all over the place and became quite the player. Night after night a different person would be at Roman’s bachelor pad. He didn’t have time to ponder on his own loneliness because of the rush of pleasure he would feel every single night. Alcohol, neon dance lights, and trashy pop music seemed to be his calling. Him and Remy would go clubbing. There were some nights that Roman would go all by himself since Remy was busy. Naturally, he did have nights off from club life, but he mostly lived the life of a part person. It seemed luxurious compared to what his friends were going through at the moment. He had no idea. Him and Logan were keeping some distance since after the apologies. Things weren’t so ready to be mended. 

After three weeks, Remy and Roman went to a really calm bar. It was a good place to chill, but it didn’t mean that Roman wasn’t on the hunt. In fact, he and Remy were the ones joking around with each other. In fact, Remy made Roman giggled in a way that Roman hadn’t giggled in a really long time. It felt good and was happy, until he tried to kiss Remy and he pulled away. “Babes…. I can’t.” He said simply at first as he sipped on his fruity drink. “I’m in a committed relationship. And besides that fact, I can’t sleep with you, sweetie. Since um… you’ve slept with two other people in the group.”

Roman’s pride was hurt by the rejection. Besides himself, Remy was the hottest one in the group. Roman just wanted another hookup, and maybe with someone that understood him. Then the second part of what Remy said. Two other people? He knew Remy knew about Logan, but who was the second? Hell, he couldn’t even remember who it could be. He could remember the smell of cigarettes and sex, but who the hell still smokes cigarettes? Roman felt lost. He looked at Remy a bit clueless. “Who’s the second?”


	11. Most Disputes Die and No One Shoots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan confronts Dexter (Deceit), and learns about things he didn’t even want to know. Still, he somehow longs for more information.

Logan was home one day during mid-afternoon. He was just going through some legal papers. Medical bills and whatnot. He has been out of the hospital for about two weeks now, and Virgil was surviving school. Everything seemed so at peace for the moment. Everything was well. Although, not everything can be as simple as that. Logan realized there was still so much that hadn’t been resolved. 

Who the hell drugged him? Well, he did believe he knew the answer to that question. He wouldn’t stand for it. He can’t have his life taken away by addiction. Then he would be taken away from Virgil. Besides that fact, Patton would have to see him die a painful death. It was best Logan kept away from the scenes of parties and whatnot… but he needed to get revenge or closure of some kind. He wasn’t sure which would happen when he invited Dexter to lunch. He had to get this done and over with. No matter how awkward things got, Logan would get to the bottom of all of this. 

As he settled down in his car to drive himself to a local coffee shop, not Starbucks cause he’s not Remy, he realized how much trouble he could be getting himself into. Dexter was always bad news; he almost always had a trick up his sleeve. Logan fidgeted with his bandages before taking a calming drive to the coffee shop. Well, what he hoped would have been a calmed drive wasn’t exactly a calm drive. The way Virgil would always ask questions? Logan was starting to do that. It was like he had Virgil’s voice in the back of his mind. What was he doing? What was he about to get himself into? Was this really worth it even if it meant he was going to get all the answers he wanted? He didn’t know. He just parked the car and took the keys out of the ignition when he got there. He took a deep breath before even getting out of the car. Deep breaths are important. He remembered saying that to Virgil this morning since he was having a troubling time thinking about going to his school. A few more days and Virgil will be off to his new school. All would be well. He just needed a little closure. He could do this. He could get everything resolved and put away. He get his life back to normal. Well… as close to normal as he could get it. 

He sat down at a table with a hot mug of coffee and started doing a crossword that was in a paper when he realized that Dexter was running a little late. He was wondering where his friend- if he can still call Dexter that- could be. Dexter was never late like this. It was much more of a Roman thing to do. Wow. Roman. Logan can’t even remember the last time he had even thought about that name. It seemed his wound from the fight still wasn’t quite fully healed. He would hopefully go and try to talk to Roman again soon. Anyhow, he had to focus on this right now. His crossword for the moment. He was pretty decent at them. It was nice to have some relaxing time. However, as soon as he thought that he heard the chair across from him shift. He looked up as he heard the voice. “Good afternoon, Logan.” There was always something so cold and bitter in Dexter’s voice. It was almost indescribable. It was almost horrifying. 

Logan swallowed and took a sip of his coffee as he saw Dexter sit down at the table. “Good afternoon.” He said simply as he tucked his pencils back behind his ear. His folded up his crossword and placed it on his lap. He pondered for a moment. He hadn’t thought how he would bring up the fact he knew that Dexter had been drugging him and that’s not cool because his dead husband wants him alive. Even as Logan thought those words, he knew they sounded ridiculous. He didn’t want to phrase this in such an immature and non sensible way. Logan wanted to be professional, but then again… what is progressing about your friend drugging you? 

“I think I know why you called me here.” Dexter started for him. He knew what was going on when Logan had a serious look on his face, brows slightly furrowed. “You figured it out, haven’t you?” He hummed, pursing his lips. “Look, Logan, I crave chaos. You should know that.”

“And that includes drugging me?”

Dexter looked offended for a moment. “Is that  _ all  _ you figured out?” He raised a brow as he hissed out his words. “Come on, Logan, I thought you were the smart one in this deteriorating friend group.” He hummed, looking at his nails as he rubbed his wrists. 

It never occurred to Logan that Dexter may have an evil plan in mind. Although, he did seem to act like quite the villain sometimes. What the hell was this guy planning exactly? Suddenly, Logan’s head was swarmed with infinite possibilities of what Dexter’s malicious plans could be. 

“Honestly, Logan, when you called I thought this was about you and Roman.” Dexter shrugged. “I’m sorry that he’s not paying attention to you. I thought you weren’t interested. Are you jealous?”

“Not a bit.” Logan responded a bit. He didn’t have a lick of feelings for Roman. He knew that damn well. “What do you mean not paying attention to me though? We are deciding to keep our distance.”

“Seems rather painful for him.” Dexter explained with fake sympathy in his voice for Roman. “Not a single bit of feelings, huh? Here, I thought this lunch might’ve been about the fact I slept with Roman…” He muttered, and then looked at Logan. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you not want to know that?” He hummed. 

More thoughts began to swarm in his head. Dexter slept with Roman. Roman must be sleeping around. That must be what is going on. Logan hoped his friend was okay. He sighed and tried to shake it off for the moment. Why did Dexter still have an evil smirk on his face? Was he trying to tear the group apart? What is going on in his head? He furrowed his brows. “Dexter… what are you up to?”

“A lot.” He hummed. “That’s why I wasn’t expecting this to be about anything about me drugging you. I didn’t think that would be the first thing you would piece together… Maybe what I’ve done to your son, your husband, or Roman. Not you though. I really wasn’t expecting that.”

Something suddenly snapped inside of Logan. His _son_? His _husband_? Patton’s been dead for about thirteen years! What the hell was Dexter talking about? Logan was filled with anger when Dexter spoke of his family. Logan wouldn’t let a damn thing happen to his family. What had gone unnoticed. “What do you mean my husband? What do you mean my son?” He nearly growled at the other who he could no longer call friend. He wanted answers. There was anger in his eyes that showed that there was no point of forgiveness anymore. “What the fuck are you up to, snake?” Logan had always heard Dexter be called that for the way he could manipulate. He was a devil. A snake. So sly and sneaky. Logan couldn’t stand for this anymore. He was pissed, and it is very difficult to get Logan this angry. 

Dexter simply laughed at the thought of Logan’s misery. He was so thrilled with the thought of causing one human such pain and suffering. “You didn’t think a high schooler could write such a pretty death threat, do you?” He said after composing himself. 

“You…. you wrote Virgil’s death threat?” Logan said, shock travelling down his spine as more anger was flaring up in his eyes. He couldn’t stand to hear another word. What kind of person threatens to kill someone? Couldn’t this go into a legal matter? Logan was pretty sure it could. He fidgeted with his own hands for a moment as he shook his head. “We’re done here.”

“Sure we are…” Dexter hummed.

Logan slammed his hands on the table. “No, Dexter, we are. I’m not playing your damn games anymore, got it?” He raised a brow as he gathered his things. “Anyone who hurts my son is no friend of mine.” He said and walked out of the coffee shop. He was fuming and he couldn’t even go talk to his best friend. Perhaps Emile was available for a chat. Logan couldn’t live with this. Dexter hurt his son. Dexter was at fault for most of Virgil’s misery… 

When Logan got up to leave though, Dexter knew what he said couldn’t be true. Logan always had more questions and Dexter had answers. He had a lot of secrets he kept close to his chest. After all, Logan forgot to ask what Dexter had done to Patton. Surely, Logan would be back for more answers someday… 


	12. Turn They’re Still There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan lays in bed and feels the weight of what he’s lost. He goes through the memories in his mind, and tries to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see any of this ~~~~  
> That means there is a jump in time. It’ll be into a flashback, and then taken back to the present day. There were be several of these in this chapter.

There were some nights where Logan wouldn’t be able to sleep. It was true that Logan had troubling moments throughout his life. After Patton’s death, Logan could have troubles doing some basic things he needed to do to function properly. Drinking, eating, getting out of bed, work, take care of a child, and sometimes sleep. Usually it didn’t get as bad as insomnia, but Logan had such terrible thoughts in his aching head. He took off his glasses three hours ago in an attempt to fall asleep. His eyelids felt so heavy, but his mind was still racing as they did. There were so many curious thoughts in Logan’s head. A lot was going on. Virgil transferring to an upscale private school officially tomorrow, Dexter saying he’s hurt Virgil and Patton in the past, Roman going around without committing, and Logan had work. He just wanted to survive. Well, more than that, he wanted to thrive. He wanted his loved ones to be okay. He would do anything to make sure his family was okay… 

~~~~

Virgil had been skipping around the lawn while Patton taught him how to play hopscotch. Logan was drawing the squares on the sidewalk so that they were perfectly drawn. Straight lines, precise boxes that are the same size, and clearly written numbers. He took out a cloth and rubbed the chalk off of his fingers. “Okay, I think we are all set over her.” Logan hummed and looked at Patton who had a silly grin on his face. He loved that grin. It made his heart feel as if it were fluttering like the wings of a butterfly. It was such an odd sensation, but he didn’t fight it. He knew Patton was his happiness and sunshine. 

Patton scooped up Virgil and brought him over to the sidewalk. He was only about two and a half at the time. He was a really quiet kid, but when Patton picked him up? There was a smile on his face. It was very reassuring that Virgil wasn’t as shy as they thought he was. Patton knelt on the ground, explained the game of hopscotch to his son. He even did it as an example. He giggled as he did. Patton was always quite the ball of sunshine when hanging out with his family. Logan and Virgil meant the world to him. 

Logan just watched for a little bit, but he knew Patton had this handled. He opened a book to read on the porch as a light spring breeze blew through his hair. He barely got time to relax anymore, and this was nice. He usually finished reading novels quite quickly, but this endeavor has taken months. It was because work had been taking up so much of his time lately. It was stressful. People were getting laid off left and right. He just wanted to make it through. Although, his boss wanted to talk to him tomorrow which of course made Logan nervous; however, all fear was dropped when he heard a cry come from the sidewalk. A different kind of fear filled him. He threw his book down and ran over to Virgil and Patton. 

Virgil’s skin on his knee had peeled back and was bleeding. He seemed to have fallen on the ground while jumping through the squares on the pavement. Logan immediately went to get disinfectant and a bandage for his son’s knee as Patton held him. It might’ve been small, but hell! Logan threw a book down. He never disrespected novels in such ways. He would do anything for his family. 

~~~~

Looking back on that, Logan just realized how great a team he and Patton were. He missed Patton so much. It was getting bad again. He remembered everything so clearly from the day he lost Patton. The rush of the hospital…. and all the waiting….

~~~~

“I just want to know what you want me to do with Virgil.” Roman had said, having Virgil at home. “Emile said he could take him for the night, but he doesn’t want to leave.”

“I don’t want to go to Uncle Emile’s!!!!!!!” Virgil cried. “I want Daddy and Papa!”

Logan’s heart had broken at the sound of Virgil’s cries. He wanted to be there for his son. He wanted to race there, Patton by his side, and to just wrap Virgil in a purple fuzzy blanket that he has at home. He wanted to race there and wipe away his little storm cloud’s tears. He wanted to help. He took a deep breath. “Tell Virge I will see him in the morning. The sooner he goes to bed, the sooner he will see me.” Logan explained as best he could, trying not to sound too shaken. “Tell him Patton and I love him and we send our love.”

“Okay.” Roman sighed. “Logan, I really don’t know what I’m doing.” He whispered.

“You’ll do great.” Was all Logan could say before hanging up. He had seen a doctor start to approach him. It was a bit stressful to see the somber look on the doctor’s face. It tugged on Logan’s heart as he prayed for his husband to be okay.

~~~~

He quickly pulled himself out of the memory. He didn’t want to go through the pain of remembering the moments that Patton had actually died and the flat line of the heart monitor. That was the moment he felt as if he was losing his mind. He didn’t want any of that. He wanted to be okay. He wanted Patton back. He would do anything to get his husband back. Anything at all. 

~~~~

“Maybe what I’ve done to your son, your husband, or Roman. Not you though. I really wasn’t expecting that.”

~~~~

Dexter’s words rang in Logan’s head for what felt like the millionth time that week. To his son. To his husband… Logan was having a hard time piecing that part together. He sighed as he placed his glasses on and paced the room for the moment. He started to try and think of the bad things that had happened to Patton. Even the little moments. Such little things could mean so much to Patton. Logan missed how Patton could fret over even the little things. 

~~~~

Patton was under a million blankets, or so it seemed, in his dorm room that night. It was his sophomore year of college. Logan and Patton had been dating for awhile, but had not yet had the pleasure sharing a dorm quite yet. They would be junior and senior years of college. It would be nice. For now, they didn’t have the privilege of dorming together. Patton was sharing a room with Roman at the time. Although, when Logan had entered it appeared that Roman was out. All his attention was on the lump of pastel blankets. “Patton dearest?” He asked. “I have not seen you all day. You cancelled our lunch date. Is something wrong?” He questioned. He realized he was talking to a lump of blankets, but he knew Patton was under there. 

There was not quite a verbal response. Just a small “hnnn…” Was heard from the lump of blankets that was Patton. He seemed upset. He had been worrying all day. He didn’t know how to explain his worries to Logan. What if Logan thought he was immature or childish? It was true that Logan could be insensitive like that sometimes. He just didn’t want to bother him. “I lost something.” He managed to stammer out to Logan. His voice clearly hadn’t been used all day. 

A small frown made its way onto Logan’s usually neutral face. He was worried about Patton. He knelt next to the bed and sighed. “My sweet angel, what did you lose?” He asked. “It must be something important if it is making you upset to the point where you went and canceled our date.” 

Patton gave a small nod. His head poked out of his blankets, but only his eyes could be seen. Anything below his nose really wasn’t all that visible. Patton made eye contact with Logan. “I lost… I lost your biology textbook.” He said quietly and then curled back up. “I’m sorry!” He squeaked. 

Logan rolled his eyes. “Patton, it is okay.”

“It is?”

“Yeah, it’s just a textbook.” Logan said softly. “You had me worried!” He kissed his head. “I took my textbook back last night. I should have told you. My apologies, darling.”

“So… it’s okay?” Patton sat up and looked at Logan with a lot of hope in his eyes. 

“Yes, love, it is just fine.” Logan placed a hand on Patton’s leg. “Okay? No need to worry. If you ever lose anything of mine, just let me know. We can find it.” He said reassuringly to his boyfriend. 

Patton wrapped his arms around Logan with a big smile. Suddenly he was feeling much better. He had still felt awful for canceling their date, but who cares? Logan was with him right now. That night they ended up stargazing and cuddling.

~~~~

Logan sure did miss those moments. He hated seeing Patton upset though. His cuddles were as golden as his kisses. Logan was going through a roller coaster of emotion as he recalled that memory. He thought that he might actually have some of Patton’s blankets from college. He’ll have to check. Anyhow, he had to figure out what Dexter had done to Patton. He had to piece this together. Although, he felt another memory coming on before he could help it… 

~~~~

“Catch me if you can!” Patton had called as he ran down the driveway with a water gun in hand. Logan wasn’t sure how he got tied into the situation. It was a party in the summer before their senior year in college. Remy was hosting. They were all in an intense water gun/water balloon fight. It was a lot of fun, but Logan also thought it was quite foolish. He was only here because Patton insisted that it would be fun. 

After a moment of making sure his gun was loaded, Logan was running down Remy’s driveway after Patton. He was sprinting with all his might. Logan wasn’t any kind of loser. He hated silly competitions, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to win.

“They’re at it again.” Remy hummed. “Who thought putting those two on opposing teams was a good idea.” He said as he threw a water balloon into his hand. He looked at the others with a raised brow. 

Emile gestured to Roman, “I believe it was his.”

“Well, if Patton and Logan were on the same team Logan would spend too much time protecting Patton and not have any fun.” Roman shrugged. “Besides, what’s wrong with friendly competition?” He asked dramatically.

Emile rolled his eyes and shot Remy with a bit of water. “Like that?”

“No, no, no. Like this.” Remy said and started pelting the other two with water balloons. 

Logan was still chasing after Patton with one intent in mind, winning. Eventually, Patton had come to a dead end. He looked around in a bit of panic as Logan pointed the water gun at Patton. “Oh gee, looks like someone’s stuck.” Logan said teasingly. 

“No! Logan don’t do it!” Patton squeaked, looking away from the end of the gun that already seemed to be dripping out water. A small smile was on Patton’s face too. 

Logan ended up shooting Patton, drizzling little pellets of water all over Patton as he giggled. Patton’s giggle was so pure and light. Logan had a smile on his face. At least he won.

~~~~

There was another overwhelming vibration of ache coming from his heart in that moment. Logan placed a hand over his chest where, anatomically, his heart would be. He hated the overwhelming feelings of hurt, pain, misery, and ache that he felt too often when he thought of his husband. It was a lot to handle. 

He had to figure out what Dexter had done to Patton otherwise the splinters in his heart would continue to crack until he fell apart once again. Logan can only think of one truly bad thing that had happened to Patton….

~~~~ 

The screeching of the brakes as Logan swiveled out of the way were all too deafening in that moment, but only a few seconds later there was a collision on the passenger’s side. Patton didn’t have much time to react at all. The impact was too much for him to keep consciousness. Logan wanted to yelp in pain. He just wanted to hold Patton in his arms at that moment. Cradle him. Tell him everything was alright… 

~~~~

At the time, it had all happened so fast, but that memory always played in slow motion in the back of Logan’s mind. The screeching of the brakes was always what turned Logan’s stomach into knots. It drove him insane. Why did he do that? Why did he swerve what if he just pulled the brakes and kept driving. There were no cars behind him after all. It would’ve been safe and that wouldn’t have crashed and Patton would’ve been here… 

This puzzle was too much for Logan to even try to piece together right now. He just took a deep breath and decided to let it go for the time being. He would not allow himself to ponder on what Dexter had done. He needed sleep. He reminded himself of this as the guilt of Patton’s death seemed to be reaching him once again. It was all his fault… It was all his fault. 

Logan crawled back into bed, turning off the light next to his nightstand and took off his glasses. He took a moment to stare at Patton’s side of the bed. Logan never dared to touch it. He never slept on it. He didn’t let anybody. Not even Virgil. That side of the bed was for Patton and that was that. He started to imagine how him and Patton would cuddle just before they fell asleep. Suddenly, Logan’s eyelids felt heavy and he felt at peace. Unfortunately, he heard a knock at the door almost as soon as his eyes had shut. He jumped up, stumbling to put on his own glasses. He opened the door and was met with the face of his son who looked sick to his stomach. Virgil didn’t look well. Logan took a deep breath, “What’s wrong, Virge?”


	13. They’ll Throw Me Right Over The Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is nervous about his first day at a new school! Little does he know that things are going to go much worse than he could ever imagine...
> 
> (TW: Guns, bullets, gunshots)  
> This chapter had a very serious topic in it. If you are uncomfortable with guns, I recommend you skip it. I do not condone the actions that someone takes in this chapter. This is a work of fiction. Stay safe.

Virgil had been shaking all night. His anxiety slow gnawing at his brain as it sent neurons the messages of his panic. He didn’t want to start at a new school. It was so nerve-wracking. Why couldn’t he just stay home with his dad? Who clearly wasn’t well. Virgil picked up on that, but he really needed his dad right now. He took a deep breath and tried not to be shaking so much. “I… I don’t wanna go to school tomorrow. Papa, I’m scared.” He said, looking up at his slightly taller father. 

Logan sighed as he heard this from Virgil. He brought him inside the room and shut the door. It was rare for him to let Virgil in here, but he has become more and more open to the idea now. He led Virgil to the bed and sat next to him on his side of the bed, leaving Patton’s side alone. He sighed. “Buddy, I looked into the school. It is very safe. You have nothing to worry about.” He tried to assure, but it was a little difficult to parent when Logan was so exhausted. “You are going to be alright.”

He knew all of this though. Virgil knew that Logan did tons of research on the school. What if they already knew about him though? Would they bully him too? Does he voice these concerns to his father? He wasn’t sure. He took a moment to breathe as he wrapped an arm around him. Virgil rested his head on his dad’s shoulder. He sighed. “What if they hurt me too?”

The very question made Logan mad when Virgil asked it. He knew that the bullying he was faced was ridiculous, but the thought Dexter contributed to it was crazy. He also wondered how his death threat got into the school, but that was a head inducing question for later. He took a breath to keep him calm. He wanted to keep his temper in front of his son. “Virgil, they won’t. They have a zero bullying tolerance there. If you so much as get a threat? The student will be suspended, okay? No one will hurt you. If they do? Me or… Roman will be there in an instant you know that.”

Virgil sighed, “I know, I know.” He muttered and realized his father had cringed at saying Roman’s name. “Is… Are things still not okay between you and Roman?””

There was a slight sigh and a bit of an eye roll. “I um… Do not wish to talk about it, Virgil. It is a work in progress.” He sighed and looked at him. He kissed Virgil’s head as some sort of reassurance. “Are you okay now?”

He shrugged, “I’m not sure, pops…” He muttered as he tried to fight off a long yawn. He rubbed his eyes as well. 

“You need some sleep, kiddo.” Logan said softly. He gave him a gentle hug. 

Virgil hugged back and nodded. “Yeah… Night.” He muttered before getting up and curling back up in bed. He got under his weighted blanket and placed it with the chain around his neck. His dad’s promise rings for college were on the chain. He always fidgeted with it in times of discomfort. His eyes felt heavy and he was asleep until his alarm went off in the morning. 

It was earlier than usual since school was further away from home now. He looked over at his closet door and saw his school uniform hanging on the handle. He slowly trudged out of bed… today wouldn’t be a good day. Normally, Virgil would find a hoodie to wear, but can’t wear hoodies to school anymore. It made him feel uncomfortable as he looked at himself in the mirror. He sighed. He looked at the discoloring on his cheek. It was starting to fade, but not it looked like a purple bruise. It was gross. He wondered how harshly he would be judged for what felt like an everlasting mark of nearly complete suicide. He sighed as he put on the uniform. Buttoning the blazer and peering at himself in the mirror through his bangs. Today had to be good right, right? Well… he supposed he would find out soon. He went on downstairs to see how his dad was doing since he was supposed to drive him to school. Over the years, Virgil learned he couldn’t always count on his father. 

As Virgil came down the stairs, he saw his father in the kitchen. He had had three cups of coffee. Logan wiped his face clean as he placed his mug in the sink. He saw Virgil and gave a small wave. Logan hadn’t slept last night. His mind kept him awake with nostalgic memories of him and Patton. Nonetheless, he was determined to drive his son to school. “Morning, Virgil!” He called, handing him a muffin. “We have to get going now.’

An annoyed sigh left Virgil’s lips. This kid isn’t exactly a morning person after all. He was always grumpy, but he refused to drink coffee. He despised it. He’d usually get some caffeinated soda at school, but he wasn’t sure if his new school had vending machines or not. He was nervous. He didn’t know what lied ahead for him. Despite how anxious he was getting, he headed out to the car as he took a bite from his muffin. The car ride was relatively silent. He anxiously tapped his fingers and hands everywhere during it. Why was a car ride so long? It was driving him insane. Eventually, Logan had put on music for him so he could drum along to the beat. It was not such a secret that Virgil actually knew how to play drums, but he only ever did it when he was really anxious. Virgil just did that until Logan parked the car. Virgil’s stomach seemed to lurch forward as the car came to a stop. He didn’t want to go inside, but what choice did he have? His more than exhausted father drove him all the way here and now he has to get to work. Virgil kissed Logan on the cheek. “Bye, pops.” He said. Virgil got out of the car as Logan wished him good luck on his first day of school. 

There were so many students there, but all in the same colors. Red, black, white, and navy. It was quite the combination. He could hear their whispers, and it was an all but too familiar feeling. They were talking about him. The new student. He couldn’t expect anything less. With being a new student comes gossip, but he wondered if anyone would actually try and be his friend. There smiles seemed so much more welcoming here. Maybe things could be difficult, just maybe. It seemed that Virgil was filled with hope. That was something he never thought he would have. 

“Hey! Are you the new kid? Nice to meet you!” A girl had said to him, shaking his hand, “You look a little lost! Do you need some help?”

Virgil looked down at the schedule in his hands and the large building ahead of him. He swallowed his nerves. “Yeah… th-that’d be nice.” He muttered. He hated the stutter in his voice, but the girl didn’t seem to care as she showed Virgil around the school, leading him to his classroom. Everything was so nice and welcoming for once. It was such a change of setting. Sunshine after a bitter rain; however, the sun can’t stay in sight forever. It could blind too many people. 

The day carried on, and it seemed as if everything was going to be fine. He wasn’t let to class, there were very few rumors going around, not too many people stared at his bruised face, and all seemed to be going well. Until around one o’clock. That’s when something absolutely horrific happened. There was a terrifyingly loud sound. Some mistook it as a firework, a loud clap, or just someone falling into a locker. However, Virgil knew what it was. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He knew what that sound was. 

Suddenly, the teacher stopped the lesson. Virgil felt his chest tighten as he was crammed into a tight little hiding spot with plenty of other students. He closed his eyes and clasped his hands around his necklace with his dads’ rings on them. He didn’t care if anyone looked. It was his only way of calming down. 

Meanwhile, Logan was practically across town as he sat in his office typing away on his keyboard. Programming was hard work. If he didn’t do it, who would? He kept working until he heard him get three different texts from his phone. Remy, Emile, and Roman all in one group chat. 

[Remy: Logan! Babes. Didn’t Virgil start at that new school today?]

[Emile: So, you guys have seen the news too?]

[Roman: Can barely tear my eyes away. Logan, do you know if Virgil’s okay?]

Logan’s eyes gazed over all the text messages he got. He was surprised that Roman had even sent one after all they had been through. He wondered what the hell was going on if they were so concerned with it. 

[Logan: Haven’t heard from him.]

[Logan: What’s going on?]

[Remy: Turn on the news.]

[Roman: Any channel.]

[Logan: Any?]

[Emile: Any local channel.]

Logan sighed and changed his web browser before typing in the name of a local news website. He saw what the headline read and his jaw almost completely fell off his face it dropped so quickly. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

[Emile: Logan?]

[Roman: You okay, dude?]

[Remy: Logan?]

[Emile: Is he breathing? I’m concerned.]

[Remy: He’s definitely dead.]

[Logan: Falsehood.]

[Roman: Oh shit.]

[Emile: You doing okay?]

[Logan: I have to go get him. If he’s okay.]

[Roman: Don’t you have to wait until the school gives you a message?]

[Logan: We don’t live that close to the school. Besides, if I know my son? He is having a panic attack right now.]

[Emile: Point taken.]

[Emile: How are you feeling, Logan?]

[Logan: I’m in dad mode.]

[Remy: Holy fuck.]

[Logan: I have to go save my son.]

That was exactly what Logan went to do. Remy, Roman, and Emile all wishing both him and Virgil well. He drove all the way to school as he got the message that parents need to arrive to pick up their kids. 

School shootings are a harsh reality in society and Virgil never thought he would have to face one. He strapped on his messenger bag as he heard the other students around him talking. “He’s never gone here before and this suddenly happens? We have top notch security.” “He does look like an edgy kid.” “I wonder where he got that nasty scar.” “Public school asshole doesn’t belong here.” “He’d probably kill us just by looking at us.” Were some of the things that Virgil had overheard students talking about. They were blaming him for something that had nothing to do with him. He bit his lip. His eyes searching the parking lot as his eyes welled up with tears. He spotted his father. 

Logan sent Virgil a small wave. He watched his son sprint over to him and slam him with a hug. Logan stepped back the tiniest bit as the impact Virgil had was strong. This kid needed some support. Logan wrapped his arms around his son realizing there were tears going down Virgil’s face.

It was Virgil’s first day at a new school. It had already gone terribly wrong. The kids were already carrying malicious smiles. He was so choked up with tears it was hard to breathe. It is as if he was drowning in deep waters and he had no clue how to swim. Even if he did, his muscles were too tired. He looked up at his dad with tears in his eyes wondering how much longer he would have to suffer for…


	14. This Puzzle’s Tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil wants to avoid returning to school. He keeps wondering if there is anything he could do. Trying his best to offer advice, Logan thinks it’s best they visit someone who would know what to say.

There was no surprise that Virgil was awake late that night. He stared at his ceiling. The gunshot replaying in his head. He didn’t think the sound would cause him to panic so much, but life changed after he shot himself in the face. When he hears the gun at school, it was as if he felt the pain ripple through his cheek once again. It was an awful reminder. Virgil’s fingers hovered over the not yet healed mark on his right cheek. It was so haunting to remember exactly how it felt to have a bullet tear through layers of his skin. So much blood dripping. Virgil thought he was going to die there. He wished he did. It would be for the torment his soul was currently going through. He barely wanted to take one more painful breath. He looked at his uniform that was a mess on the floor as he turned to curled up on his side. It was nice not to have bruises on his ribs from being shoved into lockers. Although, he was sure that he would have some soon. 

He was restless that night. He shifted again to stare at his ceiling. There wasn’t much to look at, but that was just okay by him. Virgil had to deal with the racing thoughts in his head. What would those private school kids do to him? They seemed so nice to him until the gun was fired…. Somehow whenever tragedy hit, other kids blamed Virgil. Was it his purple hair? Was it the headphones? Was it the scar? Was it the way he walked? The way he looked? Did those stuck up rich kids know that he didn’t have as much money as the rest of them? Was it because of the dark marks under his eyes that he was born with? He knew those stuck up kids will come for him. There was no escape. He was going to be trapped with those kids until he could graduate. He couldn’t continually transfer to different schools across town. That was a lot of paperwork, a lot of first days. No, Virgil was stuck. He felt unable to ask his father for help here. Logan just thought Virgil was scared from the shooting. Virgil was sure he couldn’t tell Logan his worries because he had put his dad through enough worry for the day. 

Virgil felt sick to his stomach as he watched the sun begin to peak through his curtains. Had he really been up all night? A small groan escaped when he saw there was three minutes before his alarm went off. He hid himself under the sheets and blankets on his bed. He curled himself into a ball as tight as he possibly could. Virgil couldn’t face reality. He couldn’t face today. It was going to be much too difficult. He didn’t close his eyes, he just hid as he heard his alarm go off. Virgil didn’t turn it off. He just let it run. Virgil wanted to make it known that he had no intention of returning to school that day. He was letting the bullies win. He couldn’t stand the whispering. It drove him mad. His stomach lining was gurgling as the whole thing began to knot. This misery felt never ending… 

After about ten minutes, Logan realized that Virgil’s alarm was still going off. He straightened out his tie as he finished getting dressed for the day. Him and Virgil needed to be leaving the house right now. He decided to peek into his son’s room to see if he was okay. His heart fell when he saw Virgil curled up into a ball and slightly shaking. Logan knew what that meant. 

When the door creaked up, it was almost as if Virgil’s nerves multiplied. He didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to get up. Everything was too difficult, too risky, too scary, and just overall not good? He wasn’t happy. Well, it was pretty rare to see Virgil happy. He was just sick of all this suffering. 

“Virgil?” Logan said softly. He was careful with his words as if speaking could break Virgil. He was just worried about him. He slowly walked over to his nightstand and turned off Virgil’s alarm. He bit his lip in worry. There was no verbal or physical response from the lump on the bed that was Logan’s son. Logan sat on the edge of the bed. He was worried about his son. “Buddy, you have to get up.”

“I am.” Virgil managed to say. His voice was low, but also extremely quiet. He clearly didn’t want to speak. He wanted to shut everything and everyone out and away from him. He wanted to be in the darkness. He found the shadows comforting and understanding. 

Logan was a bit shocked that Virgil was already awake, but then it hit him what was happening. Virgil hadn’t slept at all. He knew his son well enough piece that together in seconds. He knew the son like the back of his hand sometimes. “Virgil… what’s wrong?” He questioned. He would’ve looked at Virgil’s face but he wasn’t exactly sure where that was. 

Virgil peaked his eyes out to so he could actually see his father. The sunlight hurt his eyes though he had not gotten any sleep. He wishes he had, but such is an insomniac’s life. He sighed. “I don’t wanna go to school.”

A small sigh escaped Logan’s lips that had bite marks all over them for his increasing worry, “Virgil, what happened yesterday will not happen again. I promise you, that you are safe there.”

He sat up, his knees still tucked into his chest as he looked at his father with fear in his eyes. “They…. you don’t know, Pops. They say it’s my fault.” He shook his head. Virgil couldn’t look at Logan as he was saying these words. “They whispered about me, talked about my cheek… Papa, I don’t want to go back. We wear the same clothes, but… they still know I’m different.”

The sound of Virgil’s voice broke Logan’s heart. He just wanted to help Virgil so much. It was only his first day that school, and he was already being treated like an outsider. “Well.. maybe we can bandage your cheek up? It should be healed completely within a week. We can get those pesky stitches out.” Logan shrugged, trying to be helpful. He knew it was useless though. Virgil wouldn’t be going to school today. There was no use fighting him. “We can focus on that another time. I will call you in sick, okay? Get some sleep…” He sighed. “I think I have an idea of what will cheer you up.”

“What’s that?” Virgil asked, half sarcastically. He doubted that anything could change the mood he was in. 

“Just… get some rest.” Logan said as he stood up. He kissed Virgil on the head. “I’ll wake you up at noon.” He said quietly, drawing the curtains in Virgil’s room. He left the room while calling Virgil sick into school. 

Virgil was grateful that his dad could really understand him sometimes. There were just sometimes Virgil couldn’t do it. Logan got that. Virgil laid back down on his side allowing himself to close his eyes. It was easier for him to fall asleep since he wouldn’t have to return to the hellhole that school was. He just got some good rest. He was well-rested for when Logan woke him up at noon. His eyes still carried exhaustion in them, but he saw the serious look on his father’s face. He crawled out of bed and got dressed Logan headed to the car. It became apparent to Virgil to where they were going on this lovely afternoon. It wasn’t a bad idea. As Virgil pulled the hood up on his hoodie to hide his wound, he joined Logan inside of his car. 

The drive to their destination was eerily silent. It always was when they went to the graveyard. There was just something that kept both of them silent while they were on the journey there. Logan walked side by side with Virgil as they made their way through the growing grass in the graveyard. Logan always tensed up a bit when he saw his husband’s name on the gravestone. Virgil wasn’t so haunted by it as he has known his father as dead for most of his life. 

Logan knelt down in front of the cold stone and ran his fingers over the name. He did this every time he came here. It was just so shocking to him that Patton was dead. It had been almost fourteen years now that Patton had been dead. He sighed as he looked over at Virgil and then back at the stone. “Hey, Patton.” Logan started quietly. “Virge and I came to see you… I think we are both missing you a lot right. Virgil transferred schools and… I just think he might need to talk about with someone who is not me.” Logan gave a small shrug. He sat beside the stone and looked at Virgil as he did. “Virge?”

Virgil sighed, sitting on the other side of his father’s grave. It was still a little odd for him to be talking to an inanimate object, but he knew that Patton could hear him. He needed to talk to his dad. He missed him dearly even if he only knew his father for a short amount of time. “Hey, dad….” He muttered. “I know I don’t do this often, but… yesterday was hard. I’m sure you know that. You watch over Papa and I.” He muttered. Virgil suddenly found himself struggling for words. A choked sob escaped him and he could feel his living father’s eyes look at him. The angsty teenage boy brought his knees to his chest. As he rested his forehead on his knees he stammered out the words, “I was so scared…” Was all he get out of his quivering lips. 

Logan struggled to watch his son cry. It was difficult for him to look after Virgil when he was feeling his heart splinter and crack. He wanted to reach out, but he knew there was no point. He knew that Virgil just needed to talk it out for now. 

“Dad, I remember what you said to me in the garden. I’m… I’m doing my best to wait it out and be strong.” Virgil says through his tears. They glinted on his cheek off of the sunlight. He sniffled as an attempt to compose himself. “Dad…… I just want to belong. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it hurts when they glare and whisper.” He shook his head. 

There was a sigh that escaped Logan’s lips as he heard this. He wanted to step in, and this time? He does. “Virgil, buddy, maybe that is the wait your father was talking about. It was only the first day.” Logan shrugged. He looked over at Virgil after adjusting his glasses. “It gets better.” He stated after clearing his throat. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit choked up. It was touching to hear Virgil talk to Patton. 

“Can I keep talking?”

“Sure, V, take your time.” Logan said. He allowed Virgil to speak for awhile. Virgil and Logan sitting there and talking to Patton. Logan actually brought food so it was like they were having lunch with Patton. Logan remembered when him and Patton would go on lunch dates in college… 

The thought echoed in Logan’s mind for a moment. College. Lunch date. Friends. Dexter. Why was his name still in the back of his head? What the hell is going on? He stopped there for a second recalling what Dexter said. He did something to Patton… and he had tried to kill Virgil. He slept with Roman. It was clear to Logan that Dexter was trying to pull everyone apart. Tear them away… After all, Dexter tried to kill Logan. Kill. Logan looked at Patton’s gravestone. It seemed like a crazy theory, but he began to sew it all together when Virgil was falling asleep. He knew what Dexter had done or at least what he planned to do… Logan was filled with rage. How could Dexter plan such a horrific accident? What could he have done? What was the motive? Why…. Why would Dexter want to kill Patton? 


	15. Sippin’ Gin and Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman decides to host a nice little get together.

It was a peaceful day in Florida. Remy, Emile, and Roman all going on a walk. Roman had so many thoughts swirling in his head. He hasn’t spoken with Logan for a very long time. It felt like years, but it had only been weeks. Well, at least in person. He had texted Logan a few days ago when Virgil’s school was on the news. His heart had fallen in such concern. So much work to get over Logan and still all he did was worry about Logan’s well-being. How Logan was doing. Roman wanted to be there for his friend. Was that so wrong? He just wanted to take care of him if he was depressed, nurture him if he was sick, and just hold him close and- ‘WHOA ROMAN. Slow down.’ Roman’s thoughts screamed.

It was true that this living Prince Charming could get too carried away in his emotions. He has had dreams of Logan wrapped up in his arms. Roman could handle it. He could love a man with a son because Roman loves Virgil. He just wanted to be happy, but what if that was something the world just didn’t want to give him. 

These thoughts slowly became more and more unbearable as he continued his walk with Emile and Remy who were holding hands. They’re a cute couple, and it just made Roman sad, almost desperate. Why didn’t anyone love him? He is a loveable guy, admirable, strong, and like a real live prince. Who wouldn’t want Roman? It just didn’t seem to add up. Roman had issues of his own he dealt with and starting thinking much less of himself. Especially after all these one night stands he was having. At first it felt great, but now he was just doing it in an attempt to move on from Logan. No matter how many people he’s had sex with, there was nothing to fill that hole in Roman’s heart. There was just something different when he had intercourse with Logan. 

There was some sort of connection when they were kissing. Their chests right up against another. Roman could swear for a moment he felt him and Logan’s heart beat together in perfect time. There was something so romantically beautiful to Roman about him and Logan’s sweaty bodies right together. They were breathing each other’s oxygen. They were so cute. There wasn’t a moment that Roman felt like it wasn’t worth it. He felt like there was something there. There had to be something more to the feeling that he felt, and not just cause he was in Logan or at one point he had Logan tied to the headboard… No Roman knew he was in love. There was a spark, a fire… a connection. He just didn’t understand why. Logan couldn’t feel that too. Maybe he did. What would happen if Logan got drunk again? That sounded like an awful idea, but what if it were possible?

“Roman?” Emile’s voice called, noticing the expression on Roman’s face. “You look like you’re scheming.”

Roman shrugged, “Maybe…” He said with a small grin on his face. He was just dying to jump at the chance to get him and Logan alone again. Even if it was just talking or if it were drunk sex. Roman wanted it. 

Remy smirked and looked at Emile, “I’m sure it’s harmless, sweetheart.” He said and turned his attention to Roman once again. “What’re you up to, Roman?” He was curious. Remy was always curious about something. Well, more like everything. He had to know everything before everyone else did. 

A small shrug came from Roman. “Could we all get together tonight? At my place?” He asked. “Little get together with some drinks.”

“Cause you want to see Logan.” Remy said, sipping on his cold Starbucks drink. 

Emile hummed, “I must advise against this. I do not believe it would be a wise idea for Logan and Roman to be alone together, or have Logan in such an environment. After everything that happened with Virgil? I am not sure Logan will want to leave his side.”

Remy took his mouth off of the straw of his drink, “Okay… That’s a fair point, but Virgil likes being left alone half the time anyways. Besides… what if they get hot and heavy again?”

There was a dark blush that immediately came over at the tease of a question Remy had posed. He would  _ love _ for that to happen, but he knew what he was asking for was extremely unrealistic. He just wanted a chance to talk at the very least. 

“Remy, I think that is a situation we can afford to avoid.” Emile stated. “I supposed if you just wanted to hangout it would not be as harmful.”

Roman shrugged, “It’s worth a shot.” He muttered, and noticed that Remy was agreeing with him. Of course, they didn’t mean this was the best of ideas, but he could give it a shot. Himself, Remy, Emile, and Logan. He would make sure Dexter wasn’t invited. Roman had no interest in seeing him. Roman cleaned up a few things around his cool looking bachelor pad of an apartment. Roman lived in luxury even though he lived in an apartment. It was his phone. 

Later that night, Remy and Emile were tasked with asking Logan if he wanted to go over to Roman’s. Emile was much too worried about doing it incorrectly or Logan misunderstanding him. So, it was left up to Remy, who thankfully had the power of texting. 

[Remy: Hey babes! Are you busy tonight?]

[Logan: Just got home. Why do you ask?] 

[Remy: Emile and I are going over to hang at Roman’s place! Just to have a little fun, ya know? :P]

[Remy: I know you and the sweetie that is Roman are not on the best terms, but we do miss hanging out with you.]

[Logan: I suppose I could go.]

[Remy: Is Virgil okay with it?]

[Logan: Virgil is out for the night. Just on the school campus for some sort of student thing. He said he would stay safe and check in. He has a house key.]

Remy felt like Logan had over explained a bit, but simple shrugged as he looked at Emile with a sly grin on his face to signal that Logan was coming. He was thrilled. He honestly wanted to see if someone would happen between Roman and Logan. Remy just wanted to see his friends happy. 

[Remy: Emile and I can pick you up if you want a ride.]

[Logan: Oh yeah, I heard you were together. Congratulations.]

[Remy: Thanks, babes.]

[Logan: Not a problem. I do not think I will need a ride. I can drive myself.]

[Remy: Okay! See you later babes.]

Everything was perfect. The plan was set in action. Logan, Emile, Remy, and Roman would get together that night. Roman had drinks set up in the kitchen, and music playing at an acceptable volume over the Bluetooth speakers he had around his apartment. After all, he wanted people to hear each other when they were talking. 

The first people to arrive were Remy and Emile, and Roman was thankful than that. It was better than having to sit there in awkward silence with Logan. “Welcome to casa de Roman.” He said with a smile. It was a little cheesy, but Roman was excited. He hasn’t seen all his friends together in a very long time. He eventually had to open his door to Logan, and damn his heart skipped a bit. “Hey, Lo.”

“Salutations, Roman.” Logan replied simply. He wasn’t exactly sure what lead him to be here tonight, but he was there. That meant something. He did miss his best friend. Maybe the situation could improve. He had hope and saw the potential mending that could go on. 

As the night went on, the group of friends had fun together. The dancing, the singing, sipping on alcoholic drinks- that Logan attempted to stay away from- through straws with loops in them. It was a fun night… and none of them would exactly remember when they woke up. Remy woke up in Roman’s bathroom with a party hat on; he dint know where it came from; Roman somehow made it to his bed, a lipstick mark on his chest; Logan woke up on Roman’s couch, with his pants off and his glasses askew; Emile was asleep in Roman’s guest bedroom, he was covered in paint of some sort. Nobody exactly knew what happened. However, Logan felt a cold shiver go down his spine… someone else was there.


	16. You Better Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan gets a chance to confront Dexter, and ask more questions. He did not not know that the answers to these questions would absolutely horrify him.

It was as if there were millions of spiders crawling under his skin. He sat up and rubbed his back of his neck. He wasn’t feeling extremely hungover which was a good sign. It didn’t make sense as to why he couldn’t remember what had happened the night before. He looked around for a moment and then met the eyes of a snake. Well, the eyes were narrowed to look like such. Logan knew who he was looking at. He sighed as his body tensed in anger. “Dexter, what the hell are you going here?” He inquired. 

There was a bitter and sarcastic laugh as a response. He turned on a lamp in Roman’s living room. “Does dear ol daddio not remember?” He said through pursed lips. He hummed with a mischievous smirk on his face. “It is a wonder why you would even come here in the first place. I thought you and Roman weren’t friends anymore.”

“Correction- you and I are not friends anymore.” Logan said and scrambled to put on pants. In all honesty, it was embarrassing to be pantless in front of his enemy. Besides, Logan rarely undressed unless he was changing clothes. He didn’t know why he was awake without pants on. He wrapped his belt into the belt loops and buckled it. “How did you get in?”

“I broke in while you were all drunk.” Dexter said with a smirk and a shrug. He knew everything that had gone down that night. “Why did you come, Logan? Don’t you have a kid that needs to get to school?”

“Don’t talk about my son.” Logan said angrily. His grudge against Dexter was still extremely strong. He had forgotten just how enraged he was for a moment. He was mad Dexter had death threatened his son. Mad that he thought Dexter had killed Patton. That’s right. How could he forget about that? He bit his lip in frustration. 

Dexter raised his brow, “What is it Logan?” He asked innocently as if he didn’t know a thing. Playing the role of a devilish manipulator who could pull on people’s strings just in the right way. “Is this about what I’ve said in the past?” He hummed, checking his nails before side glancing back at Logan. “Did the smart guy figure it all out? Piece together the impossible puzzle?” 

The teasing notes in Dexter’s voice drove Logan absolutely insane. He knew what knew. He knew he was intelligent. He knew that he was piecing things together. Dexter hurt Patton. He could just tell it with the malicious look in his eyes. Logan went over to Dexter with a fire in his eyes. The anger inside of him taking over. It was rare that Logan got so emotional, but this rage was strong. He pinned Dexter to the wall, gripping the collar of his shirt. “Did you kill Patton?” He growled at him. His jaw somehow looking more tense when he was angry. Logan was normally such a stiff person, but when he’s angry? His veins would pop out. Not all of them, but a few. His wrists, hands, forearms, and one specific spot on his forehead. He was pissed. “Don’t dodge it. Look me in the eyes and tell me the goddamn truth.”

Dexter rolled his eyes, his pupil’s eventually meeting Logan’s. He was silent for a moment. “My intent was not to kill Patton, but…. yes. I did.” He hummed out, not even looking sympathetic for a moment. 

Logan growled, an unforgiving look in his eyes. He would pulverize Dexter into nothing if he didn’t know how to restrain himself. His anger and frustrations caused him to shake, but he didn’t loosen his grip on Dexter. He didn’t want to let this man have a chance at forgiveness. He wanted his soul to be damned to hell. His soul should never be captured in the flowery field that Patton was in. Logan scowled in disgust. How dare Dexter do this to his husband. “Why the hell did you do that? I want the fucking answers. I want them right the fuck now.” Logan said firmly. He gripped Dexter’s shirt tighter when he looked away. “If you didn’t intend to kill him. Who did you intend to kill?” That question was more important than any of the other ones. He  _ accidentally _ killed Patton? What was this bullshit? He wanted to know. Was it Virgil? What did Dexter have against him?

No. This answer was much more unexpected. A sly smirk on his face. He wasn’t going to tell Logan why. That was his job to piece together like the good smart detective he dreamed to be. Dexter knew that Logan had a love for mystery and maybe he owed it to Logan to keep certain things a mystery. Well, everything, but who he meant to kill. “You.” 

For just a moment, Logan’s anger disappeared. His heart grew darker for a split second. A pit of fear in his stomach. He cleared his throat. Without hesitation, he punched Dexter in the face so hard he blocked out. Not only was Dexter after his family, he was after him. Logan needed to piece things together and face. He had to keep himself and Virgil safe because he clearly didn’t do the same for Patton. There was the guilt again. It was his fault. What kind of a fool is he? He couldn’t save Patton. What made him think he could do this? He trudged to his car. He didn’t need answers about last night anymore. Logan was sick of questions and mysteries and all these emotions. He needed to go and bury himself under a thousand blankets. He was back to thinking about Patton. How could he let someone so amazing slip out of his fingers? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! If you like the series? Let me know! Leave a comment if you want!


	17. Highly Unrealistic, Wildly Fanciful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is given an assignment in creative writing class, and allows himself to vent for a moment. Patton’s death impacted him greatly even though it happened when he was much younger than he is now.

While Logan was waking up at Roman’s, Virgil realized he woke up to an empty house as he was putting on his uniform that morning. He trudged his way to the public bus stop that morning in the pouring rain. His messenger bag that he used as a backpack was strapped around his body. He had no interest in going to school that day. On the bright side, that nasty scar on his face was beginning to fade more and more. He kept a bandage on his cheek now to protect his pride. Not that he had any in the first place. 

As the bus drove him to the closest stop to school, Virgil was listening to music. He wondered what kind of horror was going to be present that day. It hadn’t been so bad since the school had a no bullying policy. Just, the other students that whispered? They always managed to get under Virgil’s skin. Along with that, the teachers were just so strict at school. It was a lot of stress for Virgil. 

He was thankful that he got to school before the warning bell. His first class was all the way across campus. He was just hoping he would remember where the classroom was as he raced through the halls. He sprinted. His wet shoes slush through the halls as he made his way to the english room. His teacher scolding him for the headphones around his neck as the bell rang. Virgil took his seat, placing his headphones in his backpack. He felt naked without them around his neck. He looked to them for comfort, but he supposed he didn’t have a choice but to take them off. He ultimately decided to clutch the pendant of his necklace. It was really just two promise rings that belonged to Patton and Logan once, but it was still a sense of comfort for him. 

As class went on, the teacher explained the assignment they had to do for class that day. Just a simple. Creative writing assignment about an object that mattered to them.. It seemed simple enough, but Virgil was more of a drawing artist and not a writer. He supposed he had to try, but he knew it would be nothing good. He didn’t have talent in literature. However, he knew if he didn’t do anything? He would likely end up failing. He shifted in his seat before he wrote his name on his paper. Then he began to write. 

[ _ Imagine a clock ticking backwards enough to heal the wounds that time had busted open. The hands of time ticking backwards. Reversing that bad things they have done. A silver band on a once dead man’s hand gleaming off- _ ]

Virgil paused. This wasn’t right. He scraped that paper and pulled out a new piece of loose leaf paper. He fiddled with purple pen for a moment and then began to write once again. 

[ _ Some kids fantasize of mansions and castles, some kids fantasize of gourmet meals, and some fantasize of being famous someday. However, this kid is different from them. He has everything he wants. His two fathers all in one place. Together and smiling at one another. It was like a real life domestic fairytale.  _

_ Patton, the shorter of the pair, was the one who was happy and cheery. He did most of the cooking and cleaning around the house. Patton was the brightest piece in that family. His cuisine always brought light to the other members of the family. A cat sweater always tied around his neck as he wore a teal polo and khakis. He was born it be a father, and he had been one for sixteen years to a very troubled child.  _

_ Then there was the other father, Logan. Logan was always stoic and serious. He still cared for his husband and his son very much. He worked very hard for his family. He was not a family man, but he tried his best for Patton and their son. He would pick up extra shifts at work just to make sure they had money. Logan would sacrifice anything and everything to protect his loves.  _

_ Patton and Logan seemed to be written in the stars. As if to be like a fairytale. Patton and Logan would do anything and everything for each other. Logan was sick? Patton was making soup. Patton was sad? Logan had bunches of cuddles and blankets and candies. Logan had a hard day at work? Patton was ready with a back rub. Logan needed to spend a day in bed? Patton took care of things around the house. They were always there for each other. It was thrilling.  _

_ They knew how to function as a couple. Between date nights, anniversaries, and just sweet kisses. They were the embodiment of true love. When they looked at each other? It was like no one else in the entire world existed. Logan’s normally stone cold heart would somehow skip a beat. When he had first fallen in love he mistook it for arrhythmia, but he now knew well that he had simply fallen head over heels for Patton, _

_ It wasn’t just that they were a good couple, but they were good parents. They would do. Anything for their son. The way they cared for him never made him feel out of place or unloved. He had two fathers and he felt lucky that way. Making sure he was happy and okay. Patton and Logan fit together so perfectly together, and they always made sure their child was happy. They were one happy family. Nothing could hurt them… _ ]

Virgil’s pen had started running out of ink as his mood also began to fall. A few tears staining his story. A true fantasy. Although, it was the one thing he has always wanted in life. He wanted Patton in his life. He knew it was impossible, but he tried to imagine that it wasn’t. He wanted the feeling of happiness he let when Logan, and Patton were hugging in the meadow where their souls wondered. Virgil wanted a happy family. A happy life. Two dads. That’s all he wanted. However, he knew that these thoughts were just as chimerical as getting a date to the school dance that was coming up…. 

Virgil is miserable and unhappy. Of course, there was not much he could do. No one at school cared for him, and he felt forgotten by Logan that morning. He was sure it didn’t mean anything, but all he could think about was the fact that he wouldn’t have had to take public transportation if Patton was around. If he were alive. He rubbed his eyes as more tears fell. He knew people were staring, but he didn’t care. He just wanted his dad back. 


	18. Sleeping All Day, Staying Up All Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan is haunted by his past, and cannot seem to lull himself to sleep. Memories are sometimes too powerful for Logan’s own good. Even the small ones can make a huge impact.

Virgil wasn’t the only one who was reminiscing on a happier life. Logan was longing for one. He was having another one of those horrid episodes. It's bad for days and days on end. Life falling apart at the seams. So anxious at times it felt like there was a trapped dragonfly in his rib cage trying to find its way out of the cage of ribs it is confined to. Logan felt trapped under the blankets of his bed. They felt so heavy. No matter how many of them were on him, he didn’t feel warm. 

His head had been spinning for days on end. He couldn’t stop thinking about the accident. The screening of the brakes of the car. He just felt so torn apart by all of it. That accident was set to kill him. Not Patton. Logan could be dead right now. Not Patton. It was just the way that Logan always thought it should have been. It should’ve been him dead. Not Patton. Now Dexter had confirmed that with his cold, unforgiving words. Logan should be dead. Patton should be alive. How could this be? Logan’s life was falling apart at the seams. The life that wasn’t supposed to exist. Everything he went through with Virgil, Patton was supposed to go through with him. Logan’s soul was meant to be stuck in that flowery meadow. All alone… Hell that’s how Logan felt. Trapped and alone. 

How would Virgil’s life be different if Patton was alive instead of him? Would Patton even be harmed by Dexter? Would Dexter still be out to kill Virgil if Patton was in his place? What were Dexter’s motives? He didn’t understand. He couldn’t piece all of this together. Everything was getting so much more complicated by every second of the day. His chest felt heavier every time he took a breath. How much longer would he keep breathing? He asked himself this as he kept track of his own heartbeat. The broken heartbeat that has been damaged for around thirteen years. He lost the love of his life, and now he is learning someone he knew was at fault for it. People were at fault. Logan still blamed himself for the whole thing, but this just got so much more complicated. 

Why couldn’t this memory just fade away? He felt like he was losing touch with the happy moments with Patton. He just wanted to have Patton back, but he knew that was impossible. He just wanted to hold onto the happy memories as tightly he used to hold onto Patton when he was crying. Logan wished he could do that again. He wished he could go back to the meadow. Cry to Patton and hold him again. Kiss him again. Why did he have to be alone on this earth? Why did Patton have to pass? Why did Logan have to suffer like this? Surely this was a fate much worse than death. Perhaps that was why he was glad that he didn’t die. He wouldn’t want Patton going through this suffering, or even Virgil. He wanted Virgil happy, and he thought that Virgil was. He just didn’t know how wrong he was. Logan wanted everyone else to be happy because deep down he knew he never would be. 

This whole idea was inconceivable to him. He had a great life before he met Patton, didn’t he? He was happy. He supposed there was just something so awful about the death still. Logan still felt so lost. He wanted to go back. Hit rewind. Go to the past. He was nostalgic. He was needy. He was broken. Logan was a broken shell of a man. He felt unfixable. 

Logan seemed to curl more into himself as he realized he had been in bed for five days. The sun had set on the horizon. He knew Virgil was home because he heard his footsteps come upstairs. Logan always got nervous that Virgil would come and question if he was okay, but he was glad that Virgil would respect his privacy. Logan felt bad he wouldn’t be able to take care of Virgil. Logan was becoming more and more absent in Virgil’s life. It made Logan feel guilty. Why couldn’t he just be a good father to his son? 

~~~~

Patton was such a beacon of light and he was so excited while they were eating dinner that night. “Logan, it’ll be fine! You’ll make a wonderful dad for whatever kind of a kid we have.” He tries to reassure. “You will learn how to handle things. I know it’s scary I’m scared too! That’s not going to stop me. We are a team, Logie. You and me. We can do this.”

~~~~

It was always Patton’s idea to be a team. Get done what the other couldn’t. Logan needed to have a team. He need Patton to help him understand what he couldn’t. Logan was looked on as an intellectual person. He didn’t want people to think he was dumb. He didn’t want Roman, Remy, Emile, Dexter, or any kind of random stranger to know he didn’t understand. He had to know everything. That is how everyone saw him. Perhaps he was stuck in that box, but he always let Patton see the real him. Patton would know when Logan needed help. Logan was comfortable with Patton seeing him at his worst along with his best. He only allowed Patton in that. He let Patton know. He let Patton to see what was really going on inside of his mind. He just felt comfortable. 

That was something he truly missed. He knew that. He missed every single moment with Patton. Every moment of shared air between them. Whether Patton was crying, he was upset, they were happy and laughing. Logan didn’t care. He missed the good, the bad, and everything in between. He wanted the sweet kisses, the sorrowful tears, the bitter words of a fight, the hot and passionate kissing, romantic dates, the echoing shrieks from Patton’s fear, the comforting back rubs, the stressful pacing, and taking care of Virgil together. Why did all of that have to fade away? It was unfair. He wanted it back. So why did the world have to take it away? 

There were no tears going down Logan’s emotionally neutral face. He knew it had to happen at some point. Once started, tears would just flow out of him like water half back by a poorly constructed dam in a river. He just couldn’t stop those bittersweet tears from pouring down his face. He wanted his husband back, and he knew how unreasonable that was. 

Logan would allow himself to wilt like a fading rose, a rotting fruit, a brokenhearted man. He was broken. He was letting that take hold of him. Get the best of him. Grab hold of his shattered heart and never let go. He buried himself in blankets in an attempt to comfort, but it was nothing compared to the way he used to feel with Patton’s arms around him. He wanted that. Patton’s arms around him and Patton’s face nuzzled into his chest. He was broken and lonely. He felt so empty knowing he would never be that happy ever again.


	19. Where Is My Son?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil goes to a school dance, and did not think of the reprecussiond of everything that could happen. 
> 
> (There’s extreme violence in this chapter)

There was something that just always made Virgil shake. It wasn’t as bad as a fish out of water. Well, not this time. Virgil had minor tremors in his hands when he looked at himself in the mirror. He had made a friend at school and she agreed to meet him at the school dance since the school always wanted the whole community there. It was just a winter formal, but it still made Virgil nervous. He knew that he would likely get made fun of. He had his hoodie on over his purple dress shirt. He had a pair of regular jeans on instead of ripped ones. He was casual but fancy at the same time. He was sure he would look better if Logan helped him, but he also just felt more comfortable that way. Besides, he knew Logan wasn’t going to get out of his bed. Remy and Emile ended up taking Virgil to the dance, taking pictures of him for Logan. It hurt him to know his dad couldn’t get out of bed for him. He pushed that away… well he tried to. He failed. 

He just didn’t understand why Logan couldn’t pull himself out of bed. He felt hurt by the fact. Logan never missed out on important things, but… this time he did. It felt different. Virgil didn’t think he cared about a school dance. He wasn’t expecting this. Although, he was expecting Logan to be there. He wanted Logan to be there. Why couldn’t Logan just pull himself out of bed? It did hurt Virgil. It clearly upset him. He wanted to be with his father. Honestly, he would’ve preferred to stay at home with Logan. Watch a movie. Eat cartons of ice-cream. It was so unhealthy, but he would do anything to spend time with his father. 

Anyhow, Emile parked the car in the parking lot of the school, “Have fun, okay? If you need to get home early you can call Remy or me.” He said. “You can try your pops if you want.”

Virgil sighed, “Doubt he’ll answer. He hasn’t moved in about six days now.”

“We know.” Remy rolled his eyes. “I keep telling Roman he needs to get his ass into gear, but he’s too busy with this new boyfriend of his. Yes, babes, I am talking about a full time committed sorta thing. At least, that’s what tells me. Believe what you want.”

“Will do.” Virgil muttered and tried to blow his bangs out of his own face. He knew they just fell back in his face, but he had to try sometimes. He secretly liked the way they fell on his face. “Um… thanks again for the ride.”

“No problemo, kid.” Remy said, putting his feet up on the dashboard. 

Virgil then left the car and went to the entrance of the school. His friend was there waiting for him. He was glad to see her. She lead him inside the dance after scolding him for looking so casual. All she got was an eye roll from Virgil. He wasn’t exactly thrilled to be here, but he didn’t have a choice. It was a school community sort of thing, and he didn’t need to be more of an outcast. He was glad he had a friend. She smiled at him. “Your bandage isn’t on your face.”

“Nope.” He mumbled and sighed. “Just a pesky pink scar. Doctors said it’ll fade. I’m just thrilled the stitches are finally out.”

“It’s nice! You seem a bit happier.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Trust me when I say I am never happy.” He mumbled. He wasn’t wrong. Virgil was never truly happy, but that wasn’t something he wanted to get into at the moment. He actually wanted to have a good night for once in his life. No distractions, no violence, no yelling or anything like that. He just wanted one normal night. Still the world had other plans… 

For a while, Virgil was having a good night. Drinking some non-alcoholic punch. None of the students dared to spike it. This wasn’t a cheesy movie from the early 2000s. Besides, the school was above that. Virgil thought it was intriguing to see everyone out of uniform for once. It was a different kind of scene. It reminded him of his old public school. Thinking about that place made his skin turn cold, but he did miss wearing his hoodies every single day. That was the one thing he did miss. There was nothing like the warmth of a hoodie. Although, he would regret wearing his favorite hoodie that night to the dance.

See, the world isn’t the most perfect place in the universe. Earth is and was down right fucked up. Anyhow, the next part of the story gets a little blurry. Even for Virgil. There were just some blurry lights, loud noises and blood. Lots of it, and it belonged to Virgil. 

The next notable noise was a loud ringing that came from Logan’s phone. Logan wasn’t expecting any kind of notification. Not any kind of notification at all. His phone was ringing and it rattled in his ears. The light from his phone seemed to strain his eyes as he put on his glasses. Logan’s hair was messy and unkept from being in bed for so long. It was sloppy and disorganized. He picked up his phone and listened to the voice on the other end. With that, Logan took action. Wouldn’t get out of bed? Wouldn’t get out of bed his ass! Logan had to rush down the hospital. The god forsaken place. He got into his car and got to where he needed to be, and attempted to tidy himself up at every red light. 

After reaching the hospital, Logan nearly sprinted inside. His footsteps were echoing off of the damp pavement. He was so worried. His hands were beginning to shake in the way that Virgil’s always did. He was terrified as he went to the desk. “Where is my son?” He questioned. He had been to the hospital so frequently lately. The workers recognized him. They lead to the room where Virgil was in intensive care. The beeping of a heart monitor all too familiar as he knelt his son’s side. A gash of an entrance wound from a bullet was in his side. Logan looked at Virgil. “Son?”

“Pa?” Virgil said weakly, an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. His body was clearly a bit in shock and his body was weak. His brown eyes were glazed over in a haze. 

“You can hear me.” Logan said softly, almost relieved to see his son alive. He knew he was still at risk though. It scared Logan, but he didn’t show fear. Not right now. He couldn’t. He had to show comfort. “Buddy, what’re you seeing? Your eyes are a big hazy little storm cloud.”

“I see dad.” 

Logan sighed softly as he knew what that meant. His whole chest tensed a bit as he heard that. Virgil’s soul was in. need of protection and Patton was reaching out to do so. “Go to him, Virge. It’s okay.” He said softly. He pressed a kiss to Virgil’s forehead as he watched his son’s eyelids flutter closed. 

In a matter of seconds, Virgil was in another place. He sat up in the flowery field. All pain and shock from his body was lost and gone. He looked around the flowery field and saw Patton, but he looked upset. Virgil went over and hugged him. “Dad, what’s wrong?””

Patton was a bit shocked about the embrace from Virgil. He still hugged him back. “I wasn’t expecting you.” He mumbled softly. He knew someone else he held close to him was in trouble. However, if he still has that feeling and Virgil’s here something was very wrong. “Someone else is dying…”


	20. Bruises On Both My Knees For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton reveals to Virgil that he knows what’s going on with the living. Logan sadly has to break some terrible news to his son.  
> (Character death)

Cold and twisted. The only two words to describe this situation. There is something so unforgiving about sleeping on the floor. That was how Roman woke up that afternoon. All of his muscles felt as stiff as a newly screwed in floorboard. As if his blood had been replaced with dense rocks. Roman was in pain, and he felt his tailbone throb as he sat up. He examined his surroundings, but he knew exactly where he was. His boyfriend’s apartment. He wished it weren’t so. He would rather be anywhere else right now. Little did he know that would become true… he would be somewhere else very soon. 

Anyhow, he looked around as he began to stand up. He noticed his boyfriend had left the premises. He wanted to run home while he had the chance. What if this was his only way out? Why did he go out alone that night? How did he end up in this relationship? It was making his heart hurt much worse than it ever had before. He wasn’t over Logan and now he was with this complete and total douchebag. He wanted to run home, but there was no use. They lived in the very same building. He couldn’t run. 

As he stood up, the stiffness of his muscles didn’t change a bit. He looked down to see the blood running down his knees. It wasn’t too much, and Roman had sustained worse injuries in the past, but it did fall down his legs like raindrops. It appeared his kneecaps were cut open. It was a gruesome sight, but Roman still walked. He still carried on despite the pain he felt. 

Meanwhile, Patton was in the flowery field with Virgil. Patton knew something was very wrong. He wasn’t expecting Virgil and now Virgil was here. He needed to protect him with all of his might, but at the same time he had to figure out what the hell was going. Deep down he knew. At least, he thought he might. 

Virigl had never seen his father nervous before. Not like they had a picture of a. Stressed and worried Patton around the house. Virgil kept himself quiet as he fidgeted with the rings on the chain that was around his neck. He looked at Patton and bit his lip. “Dad?”

Patton hummed and looked up from the ground. He had sort of forgotten Virgil was there for a moment. “Oh uh… sorry, kiddo.” He muttered as his eyebrows furrowed in worry. “Is your other father alright? I don’t think it’s him who is in trouble.”

Virgil gave a small shrug, “He has been in bed for days, but I think he’s alright.” He mumbled. He wondered how Patton could sense these things, but he supposed it was because he had been dead for so long. If he really watched over his loved ones, then Patton must know everything that goes on with them. Then he realized something… “If it’s not me or Papa… then who?”

A deep breath escaped Patton’s mouth. He knew exactly who it was if it wasn’t Virgil or Logan. Someone else that had become part of the family. He looked at Virgil. “It’s Roman.”

Patton was not wrong. Roman was not in a good situation. He was being hurt and tormented by this boyfriend of his. His body bloody and bruised in places seen and unseen. Roman despised the situation he was in. He felt so chained up and lost. Lost in a way in which he couldn’t understand. No matter what path he took, he felt like he was walking in circles. He felt lost emotionally, but at the same time he wasn’t. He was at fault so much. Maybe he deserved every bruise that was on his body. Every drop of blood that he lost, he deserved. After everything he had faced in life, he knew he didn’t deserve love. Not a single bit of it. He knew that. At least, that was how he perceived it. 

After showing Virgil what was going on with Roman, Patton turned to Virgil. He saw the worried expression on his son’s face. He sighed as he adjusted his glasses. “Kiddo, I’m not sure if there is much we can do right now.” He explained. “I know… it’s hard to just watch but-”

“I didn’t know he was hurting.” Virgil said a bit shakily. “Roman was always so happy around me. He would take care of me.”

“Well, buddy… sometimes there are things that people can hide really well. I mean, you hide things from your father all the time, right?”

Virgil sighed. He knew he couldn’t lie to Patton. He knew that Patton knew everything when he was up here. He gave a silent nod, and it was just barely noticeable. “I just didn’t think Roman was the type of guy to have things hidden…” He sat down in the grass. He was hoping somehow what he saw of Roman’s life, his thoughts, and his injuries weren’t true. “I never thought about worrying like him like that. I was so focused on Pop and I… I never reach out to him either.”

“Hey…” Patton said, kneeling down in front of Virgil. “This isn’t your fault. You have to know that. Sometimes there’s just nothing we can do. I know you might be thinking I’m saying that because I’ve been stuck here for thirteen years, but Virgil I can assure you that it isn’t. It gets better. You can help Roman, but you have to be gentle. Just know whatever happens to him? It isn’t your fault, okay?”

“Okay.” Virgil said simply with a small nod. He hugged his dad tightly. He hated that he was stuck here for the moment, but he knew he would have to live with it. After all, it wasn’t so bad. He was here with Patton. He just needed to forget his worries for the moment and spend time with his dad. 

Virgil was in the hospital for a few days. He woke up two days after his incident a bit dazed and out of it. He looked around his hospital room with a look of confusion on his face. He heard the beeping of his own heart monitor. He was alone in his hospital room. He noticed this as he sat up. He looked down at the bandage that was just below his ribs. It was slightly bloody. It was clearly covering his wound. 

A few moments later, Logan had stepped inside. He didn’t think he had missed anything since Virgil had been unconscious for so long. He just had to take a call, and he came back inside. He had a cup of coffee in his head. He looked exhausted and extremely out of it. He looked worse than Virgil. He gave a gentle smile. “Hey, son. I didn’t know you were awake.” He said softly. He pressed a kiss to Virgil’s head. He was relieved to see Virgil awake. “It’s been a few days. Are you alright? How was your time with your other father?”

So many questions, and not a single bit of nervousness in Virgil’s expression in that moment. He did detect the sad tone in his father’s voice. “Good. I’m... good. So is dad.” He muttered. Then reality began to set in a little bit more. “Oh, dad. I um.. dad said something about Roman being in danger and I’m really worried about him. Do you know if he’s alright? I don’t want something bad happening to him and um… yeah.”

Logan felt his heart twist as Virgil spoke those words. A sigh released from his lips as he slouched ever so slightly. “About Roman… I have some news, Virge.” 

Hearing those words might Virgil want to curl up and never see the sun ever again. Why couldn’t he wake up any sooner. He bit his lip. Was he too late? “Y-Yeah, Pops?”

“Roman’s dead.”


	21. I’m Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and the others attend a funeral. Another life has been lost, and causes much more heartbreak. This is a loss Virgil will always remember.

A somber feeling coated the morning like nothing else good. A thick black layer over everything. Logan was dressed in all black. The feeling seemed all too familiar. Truly a black parade. People walking with sorrow in their hearts. Logan could barely stand it. He hadn’t been to a funeral in almost fourteen years now. He walked out of his room in silence after adjusting his die that seemed to resemble pitch black darkness. He felt so empty inside. More than before. How could he lose someone else that say dear to him? Why did the world have to keep taking people away from him like this? He felt cheated. 

Meanwhile, Virgil was in his own room. Staring at his phone with a picture of him and Roman. He knew that Roman took care of him a lot when he was little. The one time Roman needed him… he couldn’t help him. Virgil felt like he owed Roman something for raising him. Now he won’t see Roman again. Virgil missed him. He felt close with Roman, and now that’s gone. Two deaths and he is only nearly seventeen. He couldn’t believe he had lost one of the most important people in his life. He heard a knocking on his door as it creaked up. 

“Hey, kiddo.”

“”Hey, Pop.” Virgil said, his voice quiet. He was scared of everything falling apart if he spoke too loud. He didn’t want to hurt anymore than he already was. It was as if his heart were made out of wood and it was splintering… cracking… creaking. Too damp to be functionable. It seemed so out of order. Now he really did only have Logan. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted more. He wanted to help. He wanted to change what has come to pass. Why couldn’t time machines exist? Why couldn’t he go back and save Patton? Why couldn’t he go back and save Roman? Why couldn’t life be better? Virgil felt so broken and beaten down. He hadn’t had to fully go through this before. After a moment, he did look over at his father with tears pricking his eyes. He got up and just stumbled over and hugged Logan tightly. 

It was almost an odd sensation that Logan felt at this. Him and Virgil rarely ever had these moments anymore. It was sad that tragedy brought it up, but he was happy to be hugging Virgil. He wrapped his arms around his son who was in black clothing. It was a sea of sadness, darkness, pity, and sorrow. He was just so empty. “It’s alright, Virgil.” He muttered. “We can make it through this.” His words were just as quiet and gentle as Virgil’s. Logan dwelt exhausted and he couldn’t quite explain why in that moment. “We gotta get going.”

“Just one more minute.” He muttered against his father’s shirt. He was quite exhausted. He couldn’t describe it either. He just hurt so much it made him want to call it a day. Curl up and give into the sweet release of darkness. Never seen the sunlight ever again. He eventually pulled away from Logan. So they could walk downstairs and get in the car to attend Roman’s funeral. 

Everything felt as if it was moving in slow motion that day. Virgil and Logan Meeting up with Remy and Emile. The four seemed to barely be able to look at each other in the eyes. They all seemed so dazed and confused. All lost in their own minds. How could Roman be lost because of an abusive boyfriend? Why wouldn’t Roman tell them? It was an odd question. The only person who knew about Roman was Virgil…

~~~~

“I can’t stand this damn sunshine! I wanna get out of here.” Virgil cried out. His first twenty-four hours spent in the meadow with Patton were peaceful. He was just sick of going through what Patton did everyday.. living to know the suffering of his loved ones. Or rather not living… just trapped in a sick in between. He wanted out. He was more than grateful to be with his father, but he needed to get out here. He felt it was his responsibility to tell the others about Roman. “Dad, you gotta help me.”

Patton sighed, “Sorry, kiddo. I wish I could.” He sat back down next to anxious son. He wanted to help him desperately, but he didn’t know how. “All I can do? Is keep your soul safe. That’s what I’m trying to do.”

“Then why not his?”

“I can’t do anything, Virge. I- I- I- want… I want to.” Patton swallowed. He really did want to help Virgil. He wanted to help Roman. “I can’t save a soul who is completely alive.”

“He doesn’t look so alive.”

“Well… I’m afraid there’s some rules.” Patton sighed. “I can try to save his soul, but I haven’t been given a chance. We just have to wait…”

~~~~

Virgil sighed as he stood at the funeral, stared at the graveyard grass. There was still mildew on some of the dying grass. He felt guilty and at fault for what had come to pass. If only he had woken up sooner… He felt worse and worse as the walked to the dug grave. The same graveyard as Patton, but Patton’s grave wasn’t in sight at the moment. 

Emile was supporting Logan as they walked. Remy seemed to keep an eye on them. Emile was Remy’s boyfriend after all, and he didn’t want Emile to forget he was there. The four miserable people, full of loss and sorrow, stared down at the grave that would soon in capsule one of their closest friends. Logan holding the hands of Emile and Virgil, Emile holding Remy and Logan’s hands. All four of them simply standing there at the soon to be filled grave. 

Logan felt a few tears slip down his face. He couldn’t believe he had lost another friend. Another life lost. Logan was blazing himself for losing touch with Roman. He could’ve been there and supported him. He felt cursed. That he was meant to lose everyone that mattered to him. Would he have to stand through Remy’s funeral? Through Emile’s? Through Virgil’s? Logan prayed to whatever divine power that may be listening that it wasn’t so. He couldn’t be cursed to live through all of that. He wasn’t as strong as he looked. He was emotionally broken down, and all of this just made it worse. He lost Roman. His closest friend. His best friend. The one person he could always truly rely on when he was feeling down… was gone. 

Four men, and one teenager, cried that day. Recalling memories, saying their goodbyes. Yes. Four mean and one teenager. Dexter might not have been standing with them, but he was in the distance, leaning against the tree. He knew he wouldn’t be welcome, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t mourn the loss of Roman. After all, Dexter cared about Roman a lot. He did have a heart, but it was rarely accounted for. Dexter did cry. He did shed tears. He cared…. And just like everyone else? He blamed himself for this mess.

The guilt was still the heaviest on Virgil. He knew, but he just didn’t wake up in time. He knew. He couldn’t do anything, and now Roman was gone. He felt awful, but he remembered what Patton said. He would try to save Roman if he could. Virgil hoped that Roman and Patton were in the meadow together. Old friends reuniting… maybe things weren’t so bad after all. Perhaps Patton had some company.


	22. Welcome To My Candy Store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan go through separate struggles as Virgil attempts to get used to his new school. Virgil just thinks it’s about hopeless to be there until...

Somehow, life had to carry on. Go on without the prince there. Perhaps someone would come along someday and take that place in Virgil’s heart. Someone who was there to guide him in a way that Roman used to. It was different from the guidance that Virgil got from Logan. Support from his father was rather rare these days as it is. He knew that his dad had to go through his own grieving process, but Virgil would kill anything for some kind of support right now. Everyday was beginning to feel the same. Drag himself to school before the sun even rose in the beautiful, sometimes extremely stromy, Florida sky.. He just felt like shit though. Even though by the time he reached the school gates the Florida sun would be painting the sky in beautiful pastel colors? Virgil would feel like crap. Maybe it was the forever permanent absence of Roman, or maybe it was the absence of his father in his life. Hearing Remy rant about social gatherings with his friends got boring fast, and Emile had seemed so stressed as of late. There was no one else to talk to. Virgil felt trapped… and that wasn’t even the worst of it. 

At school, Virgil had one friend, and she was out because she left for Christmas vacation earlier or something like that. He just felt so out of place at school. If it wasn’t enough that the uniforms were uncomfortable, there were mean glares coming from wealthy kids all over the place. Virgil was still somehow labeled as some kind of emo nightmare. He was still some sort of freak show to these people. No one could understand him. He didn’t mean that in an edgy or over the top way. Virgil just seemed so misunderstood by the world. He felt left behind. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He kept his head down at lunch, walked briskly through the hallways, and just did anything and everything to avoid people. It was honestly a lot of work for him. There was so much work he had to put into being unnoticed. However, he never really was, but if he was noticed? Well… he was perceived all that well. Virgil was extremely misunderstood. He just felt so out of place, and it really did show. He was always slouching and hiding from something. He was positive that every kid at that school had it out for him. Every unforgiving stare, every basic whit bewitch attached to a pleated skirt, every rich boy with a freshly pressed blazer, they just reminded them with their attitudes that Virgil didn’t belong there. 

In all honesty, Logan was hooping there was something he could do. The school was still relatively new to them, but his son had the reputation for being the kid who got shot at a school dance. Logan knew there was not much he could do. Despite his lack of accepting the pain of life, he really did care about Virgil more than anything in the world. Virgil was truly all he had let now. Logan really had to do this alone. No more help. 

Anyhow, Virgil was just somehow had a threat of hope that things would get better. He couldn’t describe why he felt this hope still; however, it came very strong to him one Wednesday morning. It was odd, but the struggle of getting out of bed felt a lot light. Perhaps he was done with his grieving process, but no this was much more than that. He was not some fool like that. He knew that some chamber in his heart was still feeling twinges of pain. However, that did not mean that something wasn't off. He usually wasn’t this peppy at all. Period. Virgil did not exactly seem peppy or excited. Especially not as a teenager. He would rarely even get excited as a kid. There was just something different about today. Something was off. Virgil couldn’t seem to place it. 

As the day went on, Virgil still felt a bit out of place at school. He did take note of the fact that the buzzing in the hallways were louder than normal. Were kids gossiping around him on purpose? What was the meaning of all of this? Usually the routes he took to class were routes that nobody else would take. Was he being followed, or was he accidentally following them? He didn’t know, but he almost felt guilty for this whole… charade? He wasn’t even sure what to think of it as. It felt like everything was very staged. 

Eventually, lunchtime rolled around. The social humming had turned into a dull humming. Everything seemed quiet in the normally hectic cafeteria. He just kept his done like he always did. He was scrolling through some of his playlists on Spotify. He just needed something to get him through this horribly long lunch period. Then he noticed that all noise in the cafeteria had stopped before he had even plugged in his headphones. His head snapped up to make sure he wasn’t dying. Thankfully, he wasn’t. He was just witnessing some of the three most popular students waltz down through the cafeteria all the way over to Virgil. Virgil wondered what the hell they could ever want with an edgy, emo, art kid like he is. He watched as the main point of the popular persona triangle, since they always travel in threes for some reason, placed a silver shimmery envelope on his table. The boy and two girls walked away from Virgil - used to be nobody. Now, there was a question posed to Virgil as he noticed the cafeteria erupted into sound again. He had a chance to sit at the popular table… should he take it? 


	23. Later for Dinner, Late Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil takes advantage of his popular kid position.

It was a tempting offer. That was something that Virgil couldn’t deny. So, he decided to take it. Virgil thought he might’ve ended up being mocked, or something along those lines. However, this offer to be popular was nothing but genuine. There was no regret in taking up the offer.

Slowly but surely, Virgil became the king of the school. Ruling the school alongside others. He never dared to bully people. Instead of teasing him, they feared him. The black marks under his eyes weren’t signs of a freak, but a strong artistic teenager. Virgil found where he belonged....

Logan on the other hand was tripping over his own thoughts constantly. He seemed to have come to the terms with the loss of Roman, but it still hurt tremendously to think about. Sometimes Roman shows up in his dreams and nightmares the way Patton does at times. However, Logan knew that Patton was alright and safe. Patton was waiting in a meadow for him. Patton was watching over him. Logan had no idea where Roman was. He had to ponder if his friend was alright. Did Patton bring him to the meadow or was that meadow just for him and Virgil? There was so many questions he had. He knew they could only be answered if he died or if his soul were in danger. Is it possible to be in emotional danger? Can someone save his soul from feeling emotionally torn up? He supposed of that was the case that he would have been with Patton sooner rather than later. He sighed.

Logan pressed on with his work for the day. He actually had a meeting and that didn’t end up going his way. He just kept pushing. He could make it through this. Find the right pieces. Put together his work, but never his own miserable heart. That thought that reminded him that he was broken seemed painfully intrusive. He just tried to keep it out of his brain. Repression. It seemed to be working for once which was odd. Anyhow, he pushed on.

Virgil for once seemed to be in a good place, and his father didn’t even seem to notice. He felt shitty about it. He was finally happy and Logan wasn’t even there to see it! ‘You’ve gotta be fucking shitting me’ is all Virgil was thinking. The teen watched as his father buried himself in his work and hid from the rest of his life. Virgil was used to going to Roman for help, but Roman wasn’t there. Not anymore. Virgil felt lost and hopeless, so he spent time with his friends. Made bad decisions. Virgil’s behavior began to become a concern. 

Eventually, one night Logan was about twenty minutes late for dinner. He thought he would actually make it. It was Friday. He always made it on Friday night. Him and Virgil would order pizza and watch movies. Forget about the world. Be father and son. However, when Logan got home his heart fell. He noticed the empty pizza box on the table. He sighed and continued on. He looked around the house. Virgil was nowhere to be seen. He saw a note on Virgil’s bed that was addressed to him. 

‘ _Hey_ _dad_ ,

_You_ _were_ _so_ _damn_ _caught_ _up_ _at_ _your_ _fuckin_ _office_ _that_ _I went_ _out_. 

~ _V_ ’

That was the entire note. Logan didn’t know where Virgil or who he was with. Logan knew he had new friends, but even he had started noticing Virgil was acting like a pure jackass. Logan raised him better than this! He didn't get a ‘I love you’. He didn’t get to know when Virgil was coming back. Logan tried his best to shake it off. Take a cold shower, make himself some soup, put on pajamas. Soon enough he was one of those parents who was pacing at two in the morning. Then he was wrapping himself in his robe as he sat down at the dining room table drinking coffee. Virgil wasn’t home and it was five in the morning. Logan hadn’t gotten a single text in response. There was nothing but radio silence. When did so much distance grow between him and his son?

Virgil came home around eight in the morning. His bangs were a mess on the top of his head. His hair was overall an imperfect purple mess. He didn’t pay much mind to the fact that Logan was right there at the table waiting for him until he heard his father clear his throat. “Sup, pocket protector?”

Logan wanted to scold Virgil right then and there, but he refrained for the moment. He placed his mug down and took a breath. “Where were you all night?”

“A party.”

“A party?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I find that hard to believe.” Logan commented. He knew Virgil hated parties and social gatherings. So, why had he gone to one? Logan swore he didn’t recognize his son. Perhaps that’s because something was just off here. Something was different about Virgil. He couldn’t quite place it just yet. “This is not the Virgil I know.”

He immediately snapped, “Oh, whatever. It’s not like you care.” Virgil wasn’t shocked by his words. Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, or the fact he felt strange without his father there. Logan was always there for him, and he was late for Friday family movie night. “You’ve been at the office non-stop. So you know what? I don’t give a fuck. You weren’t here and I left.

My friend threw a party. I went.”

“Virgil, I got here about twenty minutes late.

Part of that was due to traffic. There is much more traffic around here in winter.” Logan simply replies. He crossed his arms. “This does not excuse your attitude.”

“Oh yeah, and what excuses yours?” He said. He was being snippy. “At the office every night? You are fucking joking, right? You might’ve lost your best friend and your husband but you still have a son! Or do you suddenly care less because I’m just adopted?” Virgil said, anger and pain in his eyes as he finally looked at his dad.

Logan gasped softly as he noticed the change in Virgil’s appearance. There was a ring in Virgil’s nose. Not a septum piercing, but a nose piercing. Logan was so unbelievably pissed off and hurt by Virgil’s words. “First of all, I do not know what that thing is in your nose, but remove it. Secondly? You know I would Anything for you, Virgil and-“

“Then maybe fucking act like it!”

“Young man do not interrupt me!” Logan scolded. “You do not interrupt or disrespect your father. You are telling me what the hell has gotten into you. You are grounded for staying out so late and you are spending the day with me.”

Virgil scoffed, “You can’t make me old man. You can’t make me do any damn thing.” He stated, crossing his arms. He enjoyed his nose piercing. The only regret he had was the pain, and the fact he had to make sure it didn’t get infected. That was always a pain in the ass. 

“Virgil B...” Logan’s voice tailed off. He could never say Virgil’s last name. Since it was his and Patton’s hyphenated. He just took a deep breath. “Listen, you will go and take a shower. We are talking about your behavior lately.”

“Fine. What-fucking-ever.” He grumbled. He went upstairs. He was still pissed at Logan, but he did know he would lose this argument no matter what. He knew his own limits. Besides, he was exhausted. So off he went to shower. Virgil’s mood could change very quickly when sleep deprived.

Logan was left alone in the dining room. He drank the rest of his coffee as if it was a shot. Today already seemed so stressful, like a challenge. He just walked over and sat on the couch. He was going to wait for Virgil. As irritating as he was acting, Logan needed answers. He just took a deep, calming breath. He reminded himself to stay calm and he looked down for a moment. He just looked over at the picture frames on the wall. “I wish you were here to help...” He sighed as he looked at the pictures of him and Patton. This was one of those moments that he needed Patton, and he just wasn’t there.


	24. I Need You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan both head to the graveyard to visit those they have lost.

Maybe Logan made some good points. Perhaps there was some reason for his words. Virgil has changed his attitude right on a dime. Ever since he accepted that invitation to be a popular kid.... Well, that was a subject for a later time. 

Logan was having a rough few weeks. Winter was coming, and it was nearing that time of year. Patton’s death anniversary. It wasn’t quite that terribly sorrowful day quite yet, but Logan did want to visit the grave anyhow. He was sitting next to it, his head resting against it. He missed Patton so much. He wished that his head was on his shoulder and not his tombstone. How much longer must he carry on this way? When was it his time? When would he return to that meadow? Hold Patton in his arms, kiss him tenderly, blush, feel his heart jump for joy, hear Patton’s giggle... that might just been Logan’s favorite sound in the entire world. He adored Patton’s giggle more than anything in the world. He wanted to hear it again, and see a light rosy blush dust over Patton’s freckled cheeks. Was that so much to ask? It had been so long since he’d seen something like that. So long since he felt his heart full again. 

Anyhow, it was no secret that Logan was a broken man. He was at Patton’s gravestone. He needed to talk. He took a deep breath. “Hey, Angel.” He muttered. “I miss you. I am sure you know that pretty well by now. I just... knowing you hear what I say does not make this any easier. I..” Logan took a deep breath. He seemed to be at a loss for words. It was odd for him to be. He just thought back on the past couple days. Even the past few weeks. “I feel lost, Patton. I miss you so much. Virgil is changing and he’s clearly going through something. He has a nose piercing! Our son has a nose piercing. He’s going to parties and he’s suddenly popular. The school notified me that he had been acting differently and... gosh, Patton I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get to him. You would know what to do. You are so good with stuff like this. I’m not. I need you.” He stated as tears rolled down his face. “I need you...”. He whispered weakly as he felt his own lip quiver. He felt so weak. What was he supposed to do? This was never the deal! Patton was the one who wanted kids, and Logan did it all for him. Logan just knew that he should’ve been the one to die. Maybe Virgil would’ve been happier that way. “Patton... darling, I’d give anything for you to hold me. Why can’t you hold me?” He said, a pleading tone in his voice. He swore his heart had never ached so much before...

He wasn’t the only one crying. Patton was sitting in the flowery meadow. Tears were going down his face. He wanted nothing more but to rush and get Logan. Jump out of this weird limbo like place. Go hold his living husband. “Oh, Logie...” His voice showed his pain. “Sweetheart, I want to. I want to take you in my arms and just hold you! Everything will be alright. Things are just a little hard right now. It gets better... it gets so, so, so much better. Virgil’s unsure of himself.” He sniffled, trying to speak through his tears. His voice was hoarse. “He’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay....” He voice trailed off as it broke. “I wish you could hear me.”

No one seemed to be having a good day that day. Virgil was also in the graveyard, but not to his father’s knowledge. Virgil hadn’t come to speak to Patton that day, no. He wanted to see Roman. It made logical sense that if Patton could hear him, Roman should be able to as well. Virgil just hoped that was true as he knelt in front of Roman’s gravestone. He didn’t even have the courage to look at the name. How could he? Loss was something Virgil didn’t exactly know how to cope with. Anyhow, he took a deep breath. His head staring down at the dead graveyard grass. “Hey, Roman.” He said quietly, sounding like his old self, and now the rebellious teenager he’s become. “I.. I really miss you. I wish.. you were still around and still here. I know that’s fucking ridiculous but.. you really helped my dad and I. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. You could help him when he was stressed and you could watch me when needed.” He sniffled, orbs of water slipping down his pale cheeks. He was weak. “I just... wish you were here. Can’t you somehow be here?”

It really was remarkable how often Roman helped out Logan and Virgil. Virgil was appreciating him more and more. Go figure, Roman was gone now. There was no way he could be here. That was why Virgil was breaking down into tears. He was losing his bond with his father all because Roman wasn’t around anymore. How could this happen? First Patton. Now Roman. Granted their deaths were so apart, but Virgil felt like he was losing everything.

However, something unexpected happened. Virgil felt his back straighten as someone placed their hands on his shoulders. Virgil jumped up and turned around to see a wish come true. “Roman?”

Roman gave Virgil a small, charming smile. “I always did want to see your wishes come true.”


	25. Awesome Party I’m So Glad I Came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil decide to go out to a party. He figured it’d be okay since his dad was catching up with Roman.

As curious as the boy was, he was still planning on leaving the house that night. As he pulled on a My Chemical Romance t-shirt he thought about every he and his father had spoken about recently. Perhaps something was off. He didn’t want to believe that, but it was possible. Why were the popular kids so suddenly interested in him? It didn’t make sense. Virgil knew his father was right, but... he decided to head out anyways. He pulled on a purple and gray flannel and headed out. He knew Logan was meeting with Roman, but Virgil had no interest at the moment. He had plans, and he still wasn’t used to having those. He wouldn’t dream of bailing.

Virgil had to walk the entire way. His footsteps were steady, and he seemed to be relatively okay. He just didn’t drive. With Logan working so much, Virgil was getting used to walking. He hated the thought of driving. Perhaps it was because of the accident and Patton... you know what? Virgil didn’t want to think about it right now. He pushed on.

Eventually, he arrived at the house the party was being hosted at. It was a big house, just the one seen in those classic high school movies. Virgil felt so cliche. However, he was there for his friends. Yeah, he wasn’t into the whole party seen. The disgusting smell of alcohol from the tacky red solo cups, and the smoke from a vape pen. Whoever was vaping, it probably tasted like cotton candy. Virgil was disgusted either way.

He looked around at the crowd and did begin to wonder what he was doing there. Maybe his dad was right. Logan’s words were sticking to Virgil’s brain. This wasn’t who he was. Virgil bit his lip as he continued walking through the crowded, noisy, unpleasant rooms of the party. He kept thinking about the talk he had with Logan...

~~~~

“This is not like you!” Logan stated. It was the morning after the night Virgil didn’t come home.

“How would you know what’s like me and what isn’t? You’re never around!”

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, “Virgil, you go out to parties! You do not come home-“

“Neither do you!”

“Let me finish!” Logan snapped. He took a breath and collected himself. He had to be patient with his child. “Virgil, you never come home, you have a piercing, you are going to parties. This is not like you! You hate school.”

Virgil sighed and crossed his arms. “That’s all true.”

“I thought you hated parties.”

“I do.” Virgil answered simply. He did hate parties, but he felt safe in his popularity. He feared losing it. “Didn’t you?”

“Yes. I went to very few college parties, Virgil. If I did, it was because your father figuratively dragged me there.” Logan sighed as he crossed his arms. “Nonetheless, I am positive you are not doing this for some boy.... unless you are?”

“No.”

“Good. I was not ready to talk to you about relationships. Especially after getting no sleep. You better not pull that stunt again. You need to think twice before you do anything, Virgil!” Logan began to lecture his son. 

~~~~

Virgil sighed. So much more of that argument was rattling in his head though. What was he doing there? It was to see his friends, but what was the cost? He hated being in loud places most of the time. He only likes to hear music blaring in his bulky headphones. He also didn’t appreciate the groups of people. There were way too many people jammed into the house. The house was rather large, but it sure didn’t feel like it in the moment. Virgil felt crammed in a jar of sardines. However, he was there and that meant something. Unfortunately though, things weren’t going to go as Virgil hoped they would.

As he approached his friends, they seemed to look at him in disgust. He felt his miserable emo heart just tore a tiny bit. He wondered what was going on. Before he could even open his mouth to ask, his friends walked away, insulting him as he did so. They wondered who invited the emo freak to their party. The miserable soul with a dead father. The foolish outcast who was born with dark circles under his eyes. A monster who shot himself in the face. A coward who couldn’t face reality. 

In that moment, Virgil felt something happen to him that hadn’t happened around people from his school in a long time. His throat felt like sandpaper. His chest felt constricted. As if every time his ribs moved so he could breathe his muscles restrained them.

As if his lungs were hitting the breaks. He looked around at the people staring and laughing at him. Virgil ran off to a bathroom and locked the door. He slowly sank down and sat as his eyes welled up with tears. His school had a no bullying policy, but this was off property. Is that why he was invited to parties? It was so people could make fun of him, wasn’t it? Virgil felt like a fool. Was he really so gullible? These people didn’t really know him. How could they? They were stuck up snobby bitches! Virgil was hurt. Extremely so. He felt like he was suffocating. He didn’t have his headphones with him to calm him down, not a fidget cube. He couldn’t even call his father. He felt so dumb in that. He felt like a disappointment. At least, he was a disappointment to himself. How could he dare to hope for life to be good? Virgil knew that was not how life went for someone like him. He wasn’t meant to be blessed, or okay, or good. He felt like a curse. The world would be better off without him....

No. Wait. The last time he thought like this the only thing he got was a gun to the face. Some horrible scarring too. It wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Just back to his dead dad, and he didn’t want to be haunted by his soul right now. Virgil sighed and splashed some water in his face as he began to collect himself. His panic seemed to subside for a moment. What the hell was he doing? He didn’t need to throw a pity party. He could defend himself. He didn’t need to do this. He had a backbone. Virgil had hope. These so called friends? It ruined his first feelings of happiness. Well... the first that he’s had in a long time. He marched out of the bathroom. Not one person bat their eyes at the anxious boy. He marched right up to his so called friends. He punched one of them right in the face. He muttered a curse under his breath. Everyone took a step back when the girl he punched fell to the floor. Everyone looked at him in shock. Was that really Virgil?

As one kid hissed a slur at him and called him a monster, Virgil felt his chest grow heavy again. The girl was holding a hand to her bloody lip. Virgil noticed some drips of already drying blood on his knuckles. What the hell was he thinking? Who had he become? He really was a monster, wasn’t he? He was so disgusted with himself as he felt his stomach lining fold in half. The stomach acid inside felt more bubbly. He was nauseous. Virgil was tortured just by looking at everyone’s horrified expressions. He ran as far as his twiggy legs would take him. He had to get out of there. If he wasn’t being scrutinized already, it was about to get much worse. He just wanted to get home as quickly as possible.

What had he done? Why did it hurt him more than he thought it would? Who really was he? His father was right, wasn’t he? God, Logan was always right. Virgil knew he should’ve listened to his father. Tonight was a disaster, just like most of his nights. Virgil wasn’t happy. Something was wrong. Being social wasn’t the answer. It never worked out for Virgil. He was ready to hide under the covers until the sun went away. He actually made it all the way home. He did start walking halfway through. There were shivers going down his spine from the chilling rain. He didn’t hesitate to open the door as soon as he got home. He rushed in and hugged his father immediately.

Logan was just watching television and drinking tea. Roman already left, and Logan was worried Virgil wasn’t coming home. He hugged back. “Hey, Virgil.” He said. “Is something wrong? Did something happen?” He inquired worriedly.

Virgil swallowed as hot tears poured down his pale face. “I’m sorry...” He whispered. He was guilty and totally at fault. He had disobeyed his father, and in a way ruined his relationship with his father. He felt broken and beaten down.... yet he noticed Logan still had his back even though he felt like the words all those snobs were calling him. A monster. 

“It’s okay, Virgil.” Logan said softly. “I know this is a I told you so moment but... you look like you have had a rough night. So let’s just forget this, alright?” Logan asked and sighed a bit. He didn’t like seeing Virgil so hurt. He saw him nod and just wrapped a blanket around his soaking wet son. 

“Thanks, dad.” Virgil whispered. He really did miss his dad. He was totally out of place. He was so snippy and rude with his dad. They both clearly had a temper. Virgil didn’t want to think about all that right now. “You were right and I’m sorry and I missed you.”

“I know, I know.” Logan said and sat next to Virgil on the couch. He felt awful. “I missed you too, Virge, but I promise? I am not going anywhere. No matter who you hangout with, no matter what you pierce, or what you do. I will always be your father.”

Virgil nodded. “I love you, pops.”

“I love you too.” Logan sighed as he put on The Nightmare Before Christmas for Virgil and rubbed his back. “I’ll always be here.  Don’t let those jerks get to you.”

Virgil swallowed and looked at Logan. He did feel better. He didn’t know how Logan knew so quickly, but he knew his father was a smart man. He was lucky that his father would forgive him. No matter how demonic those kids made out Virgil to be, at least he had his dad.


	26. We’ve Replaced Care with Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan decide to relax. The morning seems to be going well!

Virgil had fallen asleep on the couch that night. He was absolutely exhausted and beyond upset. Logan covered Virgil in his favorite blanket and thought his hoodie downstairs. He was going to care for his son no matter what was to come...

This situation did cause Logan to think quite a bit though. Well, he was always thinking, but now he was truly pondering. Those popular kids couldn’t have been the only reason he and Virgil were drifting apart. It couldn’t just be because of the the new people in Virgil’s life. Logan sighed. It was a repetitive thought that he attempted not to hone on. He just started making breakfast for his son. He remembered nights like this when he was younger. It seemed like such a long time ago.

~~~~

“Wakey, wakey.” Patton gently shook Logan’s shoulder. His voice was soft and understanding. He knew how much Logan hated parties. Patton always made him go. It was good to be social. “Bear. It’s almost noon. I’ve been trying to wake you up since your alarm went off.”

“It ruined my sleep schedule.” Logan muttered, his face still in his pillow. It was almost as if he was hugging it to his face. He seemed miserable. “Patton, five more minutes.”

Patton laughed softly. “Absolutely not, my sweet boyfriend.” He kissed his forehead with love. “I made you waffles and coffee. Now get up.”

It was back when Logan and Patton had just started living in their house. They got the place right after college. They weren’t engaged yet, but they were happy to be living together. They seemed to get along fine. Logan did the cooking and Patton did the cleaning. Everything was working like a well oiled machine. Well, besides the fact Logan was too tired to get out of bed. Eventually, he did. It was a sweet little morning. Patton buttered and put syrup and butter on Logan’s waffles. He started doing his hair too. Patton always took care of those he loved. He always made sure Logan had a nice quiet day gayer going to a party. He wasn’t hungover from alcohol, but he was socially hungover.

~~~~

As Logan thought back on this memory, he smiled. He was making Virgil waffles just now. He did know that Virgil didn’t like coffee though. Sadly, Logan knew he didn’t cook as well as his late husband. Patton was a wonderful cook. From pancakes, to bread, to cake, to chicken, to roast, all the way to cookies. Logan sighed and felt his shoulders drop. Perhaps the best thing Patton used to make were his cookies. They were just barely crispy around the edge and gooey in the middle. When they were fresh, Logan could swear they would just melt in his mouth. It filled his heart with joy... it’s been too long. Fourteen years.

Logan attempted to snap out of it as he plates the waffles for Virgil. He had made him some tea. He placed them in the coffee table. He noticed the bruises on Virgil’s knuckles and sighed. Whatever happened just had been rough. Logan felt bad he didn’t realize until just now. He walked to the bathroom and got some bandages as he heard Virgil stir on the couch. Logan almost felt bad. He figured Virgil’s back may hurt since he had fallen asleep on the couch. He just wanted Virgil to know he was there for him. After everything that happened recently, Logan just wanted to be there for his son. He didn’t want Virgil getting hurt anymore. Not if he could help.

Slowly, Virgil’s eyelids fluttered opened. Had he really fallen asleep on the couch? He seemed to have forgotten that part. His eyes were red and his throat definitely felt scratchy from all the crying he did the night before. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. He still felt out of it. “Papa?” He called out as if he were a little kid again. 

Logan walked over into the living room and sat next to the couch. “Right here, kiddo.” He muttered. He gently grabbed Virgil’s bruised hand and wiped it down gingerly. He was worried. “Feeling alright?”

“As alright as I can be.” He sighed, grimacing in silence as Logan cleaned his hands. Virgil looked at his dad. “I’m sorry, pops. You were right.” 

“I know.” Logan responded plainly as he bandaged his son’s knuckles. “I always am. Now, listen, do not let those kids get to you. If they don’t see how wonderful you are, they don’t deserve to be your friends, Virgil. You are a good kid.”

Virgil looked at Logan, a bit shocked. “Am I?” 

Logan is almost taken aback by his child’s words. He swallowed. “Of course you are, Virgil.” He answered. He was always so proud of Virgil. Logan loved his son more than anything in the world. “I can give you a lecture as to why.”

Virgil shook his head and sighed. “I'm good, dad. I think... just eating breakfast and watching cartoons would be fine. Ya know... Dad and I used to watch cartoons, on Saturdays, pops.”

“I remember.” Logan said softly as if his words could break Virgil. He grabbed the remote and turned on the television for Virgil. “I have to make myself some coffee. I’ll be right back.”

“Grab a blanket.”

Logan nodded, “Sure thing, Virge.” He went to the kitchen to make himself some coffee. Everything seemed to be going so well. Perhaps Logan and Virgil could finally have a normal day. Logan would look forward to it. Just spending time with his son. He would never let Virgil leave his grasp ever again. Logan would care for him. Especially on this what seemed to be a normal day…


	27. Guess Who’s Picking Your Lock?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan sit down for a meal. It went how things usually going: getting intense and frustrating within the first couple of minutes. Surely, the night would have gone differently if that didn’t happen.

Logan and Virgil seemed to have had a very calm day. Well, what could be normal for their little screwed up family dynamic. It was refreshing for the both of them. Logan and Virgil were making jokes and bonding. They’d never been so happy before. However, as the day came to an end Virgil had some confidence to ask Logan a question. It was a question he had always wanted to ask his father. Virgil was sick of always getting answers from Remy, Emile, and Roman. Virgil wanted more answers. About everything. He felt like he finally had the chance to do so now. “Hey, Pops? Can I ask you a question?”

The father figure almost straightened up immediately. How bad was this question if Virgil had to ask permission to ask it? “Of course, son.” He said. Logan sat down at the dining room table. They had just finished eating ice cream sundaes. “Is something wrong, Virgil?”

“Something’s always wrong.”

“You can say that again.”

Virgil laughed softly. “Yeah…” He muttered. Virgil was fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie. It felt as if he hadn’t worn his hoodie in forever. He missed wearing it to school. Luckily, there was no annoying dress code at home. Virgil could dress comfortably and not deal with people staring. Just him and his dad. He could handle this. He could ask the question. “Um… Dad, I was wondering if we could talk about dad?”

The very thought of Patton made Logan tense up. He knew the anniversary of his death recently passed. After all, Virgil was now seventeen. Patton died when Virgil was just barely three. It was officially fourteen years without Patton. It was hard to even think about. Logan swallowed. “Virgil… this is a touchy subject.”

“Yeah but when I was little we would look at the photos of him! You’d tell me about good memories ...” Virgil sighed. “Pops, I just want more answers. You aren’t the only one who lost someone! I lost a dad!” 

Logan took a deep breath. He didn’t want to fight with Virgil right now. They were having a good day. “Virgil, please… I know you lost your father too. I’m not in any condition to discuss these things with you.”

“Then when will you be?” Virgil blurted out. It was an honest question. Virgil knee he was never getting answers, but they didn’t mean he didn’t have to try. “You are never well enough to discuss it. You go through these depressive episodes and I don’t know how to help you. Roman was gone and I was scared I lost my other dad!” He said. Virgil had already cried a lot of tears last night, but his eyes threatened to spill more as he looked at Logan. 

“Well..” Logan took a breath and adjusted his glasses. “Virgil, I care for you so much. I would never let you lose me. I promise Patton I would take care of you. There’s nothing to worry about. We have Roman now.”

“And what if we lose him again?”

“I do not think we will.” Logan answered he stood up. “He stated to me that he went into hiding from his ex-boyfriend who was abusive. He had to lay low for awhile until the threat was put away. Virgil, Roman is here to stay.” He said, trying to be reassuring. He was hoping the subject would not go back to Patton.

Virgil ended up taking a deep breath. It was for Roman’s safety? That was what Virgil was worried about the whole time being up in the meadow with Patton’s soul. Now he knew that he wasn’t too late, and that was reassuring. “Okay…” He sighed and took a breath.

The conversation in the dining room seemed to have grown so intense only a few moments ago Virgil didn’t hear his own window being opened upstairs. Usually Virgil was paranoid about these things, but the noise didn’t seem to be heard by Logan or Virgil. 

Logan nodded. He walked over to his son. “Kiddo, listen… I will think about it, okay?” He asked. “I really want you to get to know Patton, and… I want to be in a place without breaking down.”

“I understand the need to break down, pops.” Virgil said, almost in a teasing tone. He meant it seriously though. Virgil would break down at school all the time. Kids would tease him for it, but he would never scrutinize anyone for having a melt down. He wanted his father to know that. “It’s hard.”

Logan nodded, “I know… I apologize for not opening up, Virgil. It just takes a lot. I.. never thought how this might affect you.”

There were floorboards creeping upstairs. The noise of two people entering Virgil’s bedroom seemed to go unnoticed. The two people were sneaking around together. It seemed they were oddly skilled at this.

Virgil shrugged, “I’m really pissed off but… I don’t really want to fight right now, Pops.” He muttered and shook his head. Virgil let out a yawn and stretched. All the events from the previous night still seem to have tuckered him out. “I think I might head to bed.”

“I will come upstairs in a moment.” Logan said, taking Virgil’s plate away from in front of him. Logan was going to do the dishes. He felt like he hadn’t been a dad in awhile, and he had to keep up with these things. “Get some good sleep, kiddo.”

Virgil offered a small smile, “Thanks. Night, Pops.” He muttered as he walked upstairs to his bedroom. He was tired. Virgil was ready to just go to bed. He had a good day with his dad, and he luckily avoided an unnecessary fight with him too. All the negativity from the party seemed to fade away. He knew there would be hell to pay, but not right now. 

The angsty teenage boy shut his door behind him. He looked over at his dresser and went to grab his headphones when he heard something move. The hairs on the back of Virgil’s neck began to rise. It felt as if his chest was full of poison as he heard the cock of a gun. Suddenly, Virgil was drowning in his own anxious thoughts. He saw Dexter step in front of him and cover his mouth. The evil smirk on Dexter’s face didn’t ease Virgil’s nerves at all. With his thoughts racing, his heart seemed to drop at one urgent question. If Dexter was in front of him, who was holding the gun to the back of his head?


	28. Recently a Snake Offered Me a Morsel From the Tree of Knowledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a gun out, there’s tension in the air. Virgil begins to learn the truth of what happened to his late father, and the evil mastermind behind it all.

Dexter hummed as he looked at his partner in crime. “Roman, dearie, be a sweetheart and shut the door would you?” His voice said in its normal condescending tone. The smirk had yet to leave his face. He looked down at the teenager. He looked so frightened. “Oh, hush now. We aren’t going to hurt you right away.” He informed. It was clear Dexter had some sort of agenda he was keeping. What the hell did he want with Virgil though? 

Roman went over and gently pressed the door shut. He made sure it didn’t make too much noise. He knew how Virgil shut doors. It was different from how he did. He did not want to alarm Logan. 

The teenager in the room was extremely alarmed. What was Roman doing working with Dexter? He trusted Roman with his life. This just wasn’t adding up. Roman was dead, now he’s alive, and now he’s working with Dexter. Virgil knee Dexter was evil. He had almost killed Logan plenty of times, and now he was after him. Virgil’s veins in his wrists and hands were evident as a sign of his anxiety. His throat began to feel like sandpaper, but he didn’t give in to the panic. He kept breathing through his nose as Dexter had a hand over his mouth.

“Apologies, Virgil. We didn’t want to be so rude, but we couldn’t think of another way to talk to you without alarming your father.” Dexter said, uncovering Virgil’s mouth. “Glad you didn’t bite me.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, “You got lucky.” Was all he responded. Virgil would usually come off as sarcastic when he was panicking and didn’t want anyone to know. Dexter was extremely threatening, and he was terrified of Roman right now. He noticed that Roman had yet to speak a word though. It was odd. Virgil felt like something was off with the normally energetic, charming guy that was his father’s best friend. “What do you two want exactly?”

Dexter shrugged, “A lot. But right now I want Remus to shut the window.” Dexter said, glaring at the person who looked like Roman. 

Virgil’s head whipped around to take a look at Roman. There was no one else there. Who was Remus? Who was Dexter talking about? He knew the guy was a sociopath but did he see people too? Virgil swallowed a bit at the thought of a spirit haunting his room. What was going on here?

Roman shut the window and froze. He turned around to look at Dexter, “Did you just call me by my real name?” He questioned.

Dexter placed a hand over his own mouth jokingly. “Oops.” He smirked. “Guess the secret is out now. Virgil, say hello to your Uncle Remus.”

“Uncle?” Virgil cocked a brow. “My father doesn’t have any siblings. My only uncles are Remy, Emile, and Roman. And that’s Roman. What do you mean by real name? Who the heck is that?” Virgil exclaimed, his worry showing in his features. He glared over at the Roman look alike. “Who the fuck are you?”

Roman, well his twin brother cleared his throat. “Remus. It’s a pleasure. I’m Roman’s twin brother.” He said, walking over to Virgil and looking him in the eyes. “He isn’t exactly close with me. Never was.”

“Wow, this story really is thicker than Roman’s ass.” Virgil whispered. If this was Remus, that meant Roman really was dead, did it not? Everything his father had just said to him was bullshit. Roman was really gone. Virgil felt his head begin to spin. This Remus guy was friends with Dexter. Virgil knew he was in trouble. He started to slowly back away from the two. “What the hell do you two want from me?” 

Remus laughed to himself, “To rob of your life, was that not clear with the whole breaking and entering thing?”

“Just to explain why first.” Dexter responded, backing Virgil into a wall. A sly smirk on his face. “Don’t you ever wonder why your father so suddenly died in a car accident when he was three? Who shot you at your school dance? Why your father had needle marks in his skin? Why Roman suddenly found a boyfriend, but he turned out to be abusive?” He cocked an eyebrow. 

Virgil glared at the sociopath in front of him, and the psychopath right behind Dexter. He had such hatred in his eyes. “You?” He asked with a small growl in his voice. Virgil had never been more angry in his entire life, and it was a frightening sight. After all, he had Logan as a father. Logan had quite the temper sometimes. It seemed Virgil picked that up from him. “How dare you!”

Dexter’s hand slipped his hand over Virgil’s mouth once again. “Listen here, those freaks deserved every little thing they got. Now Remus and I? We will serve you justice too.” He said. 

The teen bit Dexter’s hand. It caused the man to let go of him. “You played a part?”

“Of course I did.” Remus said, checking his own nails. “I hate knowing the fact my brother died without knowing he had love in his life… or did I?”

Virgil scoffed, “Love? Roman took care of me all the time! I loved him plenty.” 

Remus rolled his eyes and cackled to himself. Remus’ laugh sounded so hideous. It was a cackle one would hear from a wicked witch. Remus clearly was able to feel joy from others’ misery. “Not that kind of love, you idiot! Roman spent his life pining after your father, angsty emo child.”

“So you wanted to help him?”

“No.” He said simply. “I was there to help my one and only friend, Dexter.” He said. His words slurring in a malicious way. 

“Yes because I-”

Before Dexter could say another word, the door to Virgil’s room swung open. Logan had entered the scene now. He looked over at them. “Get the hell away from my son.” He said. Logan wasn’t much of a father the past few weeks, but now was his chance to make up for it. He had no choice. He wasn’t going to let Dexter hurt his son. Not again. 

“Logan, Logan, Logan…” Dexter shook his head. “I was explaining to your son the exact reason why your husband is dead.” He hissed. His attention turned back to Virgil. “Remus, take care of dear old daddy, won’t you?”

Remus sighed. “It would be my pleasure.” He said with a smirk. “Honor to formally meet you this time, Logan.”

He sighed and shook his head. “Shut it, Remus. You are not welcome in my home and you know it.” Logan said. He didn’t let his shock show. He had to come to terms with the fact that Roman was dead again, but Virgil’s safety was what was most important right now. “Did you tell Virgil that you cut the breaks on my car so I’d purposefully crash the car, yet?”

“We were getting there.” Dexter sighed. “The twerp had a question as to why Remus was helping me about the fact Roman had no love in his life.” He looked back at the teenager. “You think you can handle the truth, Little one?”

Virgil huffed. “Don’t call me that.” He replied. He didn’t like the name. He could sometimes remember the things Patton would call him as a toddler. He didn’t want any of those words coming out of Dexter’s mouth. “Tell me why the fuck you killed me father.” Virgil was ticked. He lost out on a lifetime of having two parents. Patton was happy and uplifting. He missed all of that because of this sociopath’s brake cutting? It was an outrage. 

The snake of a human spoke up with a small laugh. “I wasn’t after Patton, anyhow. Like I stated, this was for Roman’s sake.” He said happily. He seemed to blush a little at the deceased man’s name. “I was in love with him. He was in love with Logan. I had to eliminate the threat.”

“And I’m /always/ up for a little fun.” Remus said with a malicious smile of his own. He was glad to finally be out and about. It was easier without his twin brother around. Remus was part of the grand scheme, and welcome to this big reveal. It was refreshing for him. “So the brakes were cut…”

Dexter gave a slight nod as he folded his hands, “I thought the deed was done. Goodbye Logan Berry hyphen Foster! Roman could be mine… at last. Fall into the arms of someone who is truly a genius.” He smiled. This smile fell as he sighed. “But… Logan drove the car. He swerved. The passenger seat colliding with a-”

Logan covered his ears in agony, “STOP IT!” He shouted. Logan could feel his heart bend and distort at the memory of the accident. He could still hear the brakes screeching in the back of his mind. The horrible crash and collision. The breaking of glass… He couldn’t let himself slip into the memory. Not the colors of the sirens or Patton’s aching, bleeding, miserable unconscious body. Not the panic. He couldn’t think about how Virgil woke up crying. Not now. The memory has tortured him for fourteen years, and it will always haunt him. But right now? He had the chance to make sure another haunting memory wasn’t created. “I do not give a damn if you were in love with Roman or not. You killed my husband and my son’s father. You took away the light of my life and I will not let you take another. Now both of you get your asses out of here before I make you!” 

The determined look on Dexter’s face did not diminish as he walked towards the door of Virgil’s room. Remus exited before he did. Dexter looked back at Logan with a smirk. “I might be leaving now, but one day? I will make you pay, Logan.” After that, the man left.

Logan looked over at his son. He saw the distress on his face. “Virgil, are you okay? I should have come up the stairs sooner. I had no idea.” He said.

Virgil shook his head as he walked over to his father. There was a much more relaxed attitude. “You… you swerved the car?” He asked and saw his father nod. There were tears stinging Virgil’s eyes. “Do… you blame yourself, don’t you, Pops?” He asked. 

Logan gave a small nod as he sunk to the ground in tears. The haunting memory just overwhelmed his senses. Despite Dexter admitting that he cut the brakes, Logan still blamed himself. All this time he thought it was him that should’ve died, and Dexter’s words confirmed it. Patton was supposed to be the one to live. 

Virgil rushed over and hugged his father. He sat on the floor with him as they hugged. He didn’t blame Logan for the accident at all. None of this would have happened if the brakes of the car worked. Then Logan would not have swerved the car out of the way. “I don’t blame you, Pops.” He said softly. “It’s Dexter’s fault. Not yours.” He muttered, tears slipping down his face. 

“Thank you.” Logan said softly. It was touching to know that Virgil didn’t blame him. It helped him quite a bit. He was always nervous that Virgil would blame him. Still, Logan blames himself. He could’ve done anything, but he swerved. He caused the collision and lost his husband. Despite how reassuring Virgil’s words were, Logan felt his heart fall heavy. Tears streamed down the grown man’s face. Nothing would erase the guilt on his shoulders.


	29. On This Journey to The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan finally opens up about certain things. This is so Virgil can learn more about Dexter.

Virgil was sitting in his last class of the day. His leg was anxiously bouncing on the ground. He had his test early, and he had nothing to do. He had accidentally forgotten his headphones at home. Virgil looked over at the clock. He just had to let himself relax. The test was over, and there were definitely a few students staring at him just for having anxious ticks. 

The last few days had been a bit hectic. He found out there was someone who legitimately wants to murder him just because of some stupid crush. So Dexter was in love with Roman, and Roman was in love with Logan. Does Dexter think the real solution to this whole problem is to deprive Logan of all the people who loved him? They lost Roman. Again. This Remus guy just came into play. All of this made Virgil’s head spin. He barely heard it when the bell rang to dismiss him from school. 

Anxiously, the teen walked down the hallway. Everyone was back to looking at him like he was some freak again. He felt bad for punching that other student at the party, but he finally stood up for himself. To some degree, that just felt good. Sure, violence was never the way to go, but Virgil was still proud of himself nonetheless. Anyhow, he made his way to his locker to collect any homework he had for the night. He was hoping that Logan would be there to pick him up today. 

Virgil had to admit that he had been worried about his father. After all of this information from Dexter was revealed, Logan had gone back to how he acted in the beginning of Virgil’s life. He was emotionally absent, and had trouble responding to the outside world. Virgil knew something was off with his father. He just knew. This was the first time he had to take care of him on his own. Although, Virgil had questions. He needed to know more about his father’s past. It didn’t have to be about Patton, but he wanted something. Virgil barely knew anything about Dexter. Along with that, Logan seemed to know exactly who Remus was. Virgil had never even heard the name before. Why was that? He needed to find out. 

As he walked out of school, Virgil’s eyes immediately scanned the parking lot. He wanted to not have to take public transportation back home today. He lived far away from the school, and public transportation just made his commute longer. He would rather pester his father with inquiries in the car. He noticed Logan give him a small wave and he smiled a tiny bit. He ran over to the car. “Dad!”

“Son!” Logan laughed softly and noticed Virgil’s unusual pep. It was odd, but he just went with it. Nothing was ever normal when it came to this family, and Logan had just learned not to question it. “You seem happy.”

Virgil sighed and ran his fingers through his own purple hair. “Well, I really didn’t want to take the bus today.” He stated. In all honesty, Virgil didn’t trust public transportation after everything that happened with Dexter and Remus. He was worried there was always someone watching him. Sure, he hadn’t seen either of them since the incident, but he was still terrified. 

In all honesty, Logan had been making an effort to transport Virgil everywhere whenever he could. It was a long drive to go and pick him up from school, but he didn’t want his son getting hurt. With Dexter and Remus being covert and secretive, Logan didn’t trust anything. “I did not want you taking the bus either. Come on, let’s get you home. Unless you want to go somewhere else?”

“Nope.” Virgil said and went around to the passenger seat of the car. He was silent for a moment and just watched Logan start the car and begin to drive. It became apparent to Virgil that he wasn’t sure how to ask his dad about the stuff he wanted to know about.

Logan, knowing his son, could tell that something was borrowing his little guy. Well, Virgil was hardly little anymore. He was almost as tall as Logan. If it weren’t for that slouch… well, that was something Logan could focus on later. “Something bothering you, kiddo?” He asked. Of course something was. When was something, whatever it was, plaguing their family? They weren’t normal. 

The teen noted that his father had started talking like Patton a little more. He could still remember Patton calling him that. It made Virgil kind of happy. Patton might be dead, but he was never really out of his life. “Uh… yeah.” He muttered. “Just have a lot of questions to ask you. I wasn’t sure if you want me to ask because the last time I brought up your past you-”

“Is it about Dexter?”

“Yes.” 

Logan took a deep breath. He gave a small nod. “What do you want to know?” He asked. He knew that Dexter was the enemy right now, and if Virgil was a target? He had to give Virgil information on him to be prepared.

In all honesty, the teen was shocked. Logan usually shut him down when it came to the past. “How did you meet?” He asked quietly. Virgil wanted to start simple and then maybe build up to more important questions. 

Logan felt the memory being recalled in the back of his mind. He sighed softly. The car had pulled onto the thruway and thought for a moment. This was going to be a long ride home. “Well, I met Dexter in my freshman year of college. Your father and I were already dating by then and we didn’t dorm together yet ...”

~~~~

The college dorm rooms were particularly silent that night. Most kids had gone home for the holiday break of thanksgiving. Logan and Patton were laying in Logan’s bed and watching Sherlock Holmes together. Logan kept checking his watch. He knew they were all supposed to hang out, but he was enjoying his time alone with Patton. They hadn’t had quiet time like this in the stress of all the research papers going on and winter exams coming up soon. He was just enjoying having Patton in his arms for the time being. 

~~~~

“Okay, Pops, I knew I wanted to know stuff about dad, but I don’t need to know all this mushy gushy disgustingly cute romantic details.” Virgil scoffed. He did notice how his dad’s face lit up when he spoke about Patton.

Logan cleared his throat. “Apologies.” He sighed softly. “So your father and I were cuddling when there was a knock at the door…”

~~~~

Logan tried not to let himself be disappointed by the knock on the door. He didn’t get a chance to get up before Patton did. Patton was honestly taking a nap, and the knock on the door had woken him up. A sleepy smile was on his face as his gaze met Remy. “Oh, Hey! Is it seven already?”

Remy leaned on the doorway as he pushed his sunglasses back up his nose. He sipped on the green straw that was in his clear Starbucks cup. “It is actually almost eight. What have you two been up to?” He teased.

“Logan, I thought you were keeping time.”

He was straightening his clothes. “I was…” Logan got up. When Logan adjusted his glasses, a small sigh had left his lips. “I just did not want to wake him. I apologize for our tardiness, Remy. We were just relaxing is all. Have we missed anything too exciting?”

“Roman is having a pretty intense poker game with Dexter.” 

“Dexter?”

“He’s an excellent poker player. He dorms with me.” Remy explained with a small shrug. He seemed so casual about it. He never introduced his dorm mate to the rest of the group though. Everyone knew each other except for Dexter. Dexter was the last to join the group. 

Anyhow, Logan and Patton made their way to Remy’s dorm. It was much cooler than it should’ve been. The decorations were very stylish. Dexter’s side of the room was classy and Remy’s was flashy. It was weird how they oddly combined to make a very stylish room. 

Logan laid eyes on Dexter who had a black hate on that seemed to cover his eyes unless he was looking up. He was playing poker with Roman, Remus, and it definitely looked like they somehow roped Emile Picani into the mess. Emile was Patton’s roommate. He knew him. There was something so dark about Dexter. 

~~~~

“He won every single game of poker he played.” Logan sighed. It had only been about five minutes since he started driving. They still had a ways to go on their ride home. “Except one.”

Virgil cocked a brow as he looked over at his father. “Except one?”

“Or a few.” Logan shrugged a bit. “Dexter could never beat me at poker. Him and I didn’t get along too well. He always tried to outsmart me.”

Virgil had to take note of that. Dexter was a smart guy, and he had been out to be smarter than his father from the beginning. Perhaps that was some of the motive as well. After all, if the guy was trying to kill Logan? It had to do more with the fact that he was in love with Roman. “Did you ever pick up on anything weird?”

“About Dexter?”

“Yeah?”

“Well… everyone has their quirks Virgil. I am obsessed with space, Doctor Who, Sherlock, and… yadda, yadda, yadda. You know me. Your uncle Roman adored theatre and Disney. Your other father enjoys baking, dogs, cartoons, and other cute things. Although, Emile Really loves cartoons too. They were perfect roommates… and they’d argue who loved cartoons more sometimes.”

“Dad and I would watch cartoons.” Virgil blurted out.

Logan raised a brow. “You remember that?”

“Yeah.” Virgil gave a small nod. He sighed a bit. “Some days you would have to go into work on Saturday mornings. It was usually for a meeting. I remember I’d be sad you were gone, and dad would come get me. He’d make me breakfast and we’d eat breakfast in the living room…”

~~~~

Patton gave a small giggle as he saw the cheery expression on his son’s face. He loved when he could cheer up Virgil. “Now, don't tell your papa that we’re doing this. We aren’t allowed to eat in the living room.”

Two-year-old Virgil didn’t have much to say as he was stuffing a few toaster waffles into his small mouth. He wasn’t much of a talker, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be happy.

~~~~~

“Virgil, this a cute story, and I am touched that you are telling me, but… you are getting off track.”

“I know, I am… just thought it’d be fair to trade.” Virgil shrugged. He knew how much Logan missed Patton because Virgil missed him too. Besides, there was nothing like lightening the mood, right? Well, Virgil wasn’t so sure he did that, but he was trying to be a better son. “Back on track?”

“Please. You wanted to know Dexter’s quirk.” Logan sighed simply. He had to think about it. “I did not know him all that well. He ran with a weird crowd.”

“With Remus?”

Logan sighed. “I suppose so. They seem to be friends. I had not seen Remus in years. Him and Roman did not get along very well.”

That sentence interested Virgil. Was he asking about the wrong guy? After all, Remus was the one that held a gun to his head. It just felt like there were suddenly so many villains in his life, and it wasn’t just the demons inside of his mind anymore. There were two very real people after him. “Pops…?”

Logan sighed. He didn’t like the scared tone in Virgil’s voice. He was always so scared when it came to Virgil’s questions. He knew he was a curious kid, but that really bit Logan in the ass sometimes. However, he had to respond. “What is it, Virge?”

“Did you know that Dexter was out for you and dad?”

In that moment, Logan’s heart fell. Maybe he should’ve been more observant. Was it so obvious he was a bad guy? After all, Virgil was scared of Dexter when he was a child. Logan should’ve known, but he didn’t. “No.” He told the truth. “And I live in regret of that every single day.” 

Virgil only had one thought crossed his mind ‘Oh Shit’. He knew the guilt of Patton’s death fell so heavily on Logan’s shoulders. “Dad… it’s not your fault.” He said simply. He had said it a million times before. Virgil knew it was true. He would never lie to his father. 

“Virgil, I-”

“No.” Virgil cut him off. “No. You are a good person. You have protected me my whole life. You take wonderful care of me no matter what. You are my dad. You were so scared to upset me you didn’t let me know that dad was dead until I was thirteen! You were scared. You are a wonderful father. I will not let you blame yourself for his death. You didn’t cut the brakes. You love dad.”

“I do.”

“You go and visit him still.” Virigl said. He had a very determined look on his face. He was going to make his father feel better. “Someone with that much love in their heart, could never kill.” Virgil said softly.

As much as his heart ached, he knew that Virgil was right. Logan still was in love with his husband. Logan didn’t ever want to betray Patton even if he was six feet underground. Also, Virgil called him a good dad, and that meant the world to him. Virgil really believed in him, and that touched Logan’s heart. He sniffled so he could hold back his tears. “Okay…” He muttered as they got stuck in a traffic jam. A large sigh escape Logan. “Ask some more questions… we might be here awhile.”

A small smirk appeared on Virgil’s face. He could make his dad feel better, and he was opening up. Virgil was finally going to get the answers he wanted… and also the dad he always wanted. Him was growing closer to Logan. Life was getting better. Maybe life wasn’t so bad after all.


	30. I’m Tired or Being the Person that Everyone Thinks that I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viril recalls the story of how he got his fathers’ promise rings. He was glad he still had them, and that Logan would never know.

After hearing all about his father’s past, Virgil got to a lot of thinking. Logan went through so many years of school, but found his true friends in college. Virgil was only a junior in high school! He’d have to wait for a hell of a lot longer to meet these good friends like his father did. Unless, he started making changes now, right? He had to give this school another try. Admittedly, he had already done that. But what- third chances exist, right?.... Right?

Well, Virgil started getting ready to go to school that day. He could turn things around, right? His dad used to always be chipper, and maybe some of that was rubbing off on him. Even though Patton wasn’t even around! He was trying his best to be better. 

Sadly, Logan wasn’t able to get Virgil to school that morning, but Virgil didn’t mind. It had been about a month since either of them had seen Dexter or Remus. They seemed to disappear off the face of the earth. Virgil was starting to feel safe in his own home again. Maybe everything would be okay for once, right? He could reinvent himself, gain some real friends, and push past his dad’s traumatizing old friend. At least, that was what Virgil told himself as he boarded the public transportation bus that beautiful spring morning. 

For once, things actually started looking up for the teen. Virgil could go to school and give it a chance. Admittedly, he was a little nervous about reinventing himself. He was only seventeen. He shouldn’t be going through such a crisis, but the reality is that he was. Virgil wanted to be better. For the sake of himself, Logan, and the ones they had both lost. He could improve. The one thing Virgil couldn’t get rid of? His painfully obnoxious nervous ticks. 

One of the ticks that Virgil had was fidgeting with a necklace he had had since he was about fourteen-years-old. He found the chain himself, but he had stolen what around the chain from Logan’s room one night.

~~~~

Virgil slid two rings onto the silver chain. One of them had a thin silver band with a dark blue gem that looked like a sapphire. It was gorgeous. Another one with a slightly thicker band had a turquoise gem in the center. They were promise rings. Virgil noticed the engraved messages on them along with the names. He noted his dads had each other’s last names on the things. Maybe that’s why they decided to hyphenate. After all, Virgil was hyphenated too. Virgil Berry-Foster. Logan’s last name first, and Patton’s second. If Virgil was remembering that correctly. 

Anyhow, the boy was fourteen. He had only known that Patton was dead for a year even though he had been deceased for about eleven years now. Virgil wanted something of his father’s and now he finally had one. It might not be much, but it meant something to Virgil. It would be something he could keep close to his heart. Something of Patton’s… and he stole it. 

The young teen slipped out of Logan’s room, which he wasn’t allowed into, and tried to return to his own bedroom. Virgil was supposed to be asleep, and he knew that. He just had trouble sleeping when Logan went away on business trips. 

Much to his surprise, Roman gently grabbed his arm gently and he looked at Virgil with concern. “Virgil, What are you doing awake?” He asked. Roman was taking care of Virgil while Logan was away. 

Virgil scoffed when Roman grabbed his arm. Virgil thought he didn’t need a babysitter. In all seriousness, he did. He didn’t know how to do much. Logan did everything for him. Continuing, Virgil nearly glared at Roman. “I could ask you the same thing.” He crossed his arms.

Roman sighed as he didn’t want to deal with Virgil’s sass this late at night. He just wanted to sleep; however, Roman saw exactly what Virgil had done. His eyes were on the promise rings. “Virgil! Are those-”

“Yes.” Virgil cut Roman off quickly. Virgil’s left hand curled around the silver rings almost protectively. He just got them, and he finally had something that was Patton’s. It was beginning to make up for the hurt of not knowing that he was dead. “Please don't tell my pops.” Virgil begged.

~~~~

Virgil was glad that Roman had kept their little secret. He remembered that Roman once told him he’d get in trouble for having them, but Virgil really just didn’t care. He had them. He fidgeted with them when he was nervous. He has been doing that for three years now. Logan had yet to catch him. Virgil supposed that he was thankful for that. He usually kept the rings hidden under his shirt. 

So, anyways, the angsty teen boy went about his day just like he always did, but with slight changes. Virgil participated more in class, and did his best not to be rude to any of the other students. Everyone at school thought the change was strange, and Virgil’s teachers often asked Virgil if he was feeling alright. To Virgil’s knowledge? He felt fine. He wouldn’t for much longer though…

This facade went on for a few more days, and lasted about a whole school week. It was nice to be a nice person. Although, Virgil still felt wrong. He wasn’t being true to himself, and being so social was making him shaky. He had to be conscious of every word that fell from his lips. It was tiring. So, maybe this change wasn’t for Virgil after all. 

The teen was just lost wondering who the hell he was supposed to be. He didn’t like this facade he was keeping up, but no one liked him when he was being true to himself. He couldn’t wait until college to make real friends like his dad had. Virgil just wanted as patient as Logan. That seemed a bit obvious though. Virgil was still an anxious teenager. 

On that Friday afternoon, Logan got held up at the office, and that ended up with Virgil walking home since he was not in the mood to take public transportation. Well, maybe he was. He could decide when he got to the bus stop. Either way, he’d likely get home before Logan. At least, he was thinking that because he didn’t know what was about to happen to him…

Virgil had his headphones on as he walked by this field that was next to the prestigious private school that he attended. The headphones were blaring a song by the and Taking Back Sunday, and Virgil was enjoying it. After all, he really enjoyed this kind of music. It was loud, but quiet at times. Emo music was always something beautiful to Virgil. It really spoke to him in a way that nothing else could. If this was who he was? Why change that? There had to be some kind of emo kids at TFS High. Right? Well, Virgil could help. What was this, a fourth chance? Virgil just wasn’t sure if it was all worth it anymore as he dragged his feet across the pavement. At least, he had his headphones and his music. 

Although, on that day he would’ve been luckier as to not wearing them. The music was drowning out the malicious footsteps from behind him. Dexter checked to make sure that no one was around before he took out his gun and cocked it. The bullet left the gun before he could even think and ripped through Virgil’s skin. “Quick, and easy.” He whispered.

Remus rolled his eyes. He knew Dexter was right, but he was disappointed they wanted an entire month. This plan was taking absolutely forever. He sighed. “Are you sure about this, Dee?”

The sociopath nodded with a small smirk that tilted towards the left side of his face more than the right. He was proud of himself he nodded. “Someone has to save Virgil from this cruel world he lives in, and we are just the men for the job.” He replied. 

The teenage boy’s body had hit the ground quickly. The gun shot had immediately knocked him unconscious, or maybe that was when his head hit the cold hard ground. Virgil was weak and dying. 


	31. What I’ve Lost

There was nothing comforting about the white walls and floors of a hospital. There is nothing good about someone coming in all bloody, gasping for air, wondering when they’d take their last breath. This was the state that a certain angsty teen boy was in when he was rushed into the emergency room…

Logan Foster-Berry sat in his office unaware about the whereabouts of his son. He felt bad he had to work late that day. He was always there for him now. At least, he tried. Logan was working a lot harder to be a good dad, harder than before, ever since the whole fallout with Dexter and Remus. Of course the man had questions, but he wasn’t sure if they would be answered. He had to move on with his life eventually, didn’t he?

He wasn’t so sure that this could happen. Logan had been hung up on Patton’s death for fourteen years and now he was finally getting answers! Why shouldn’t he pop more inquiries in his head? He was discovering that this just might not be his fault, but that didn’t mean he felt any less guilty. 

However his guilt seemed to grow as his cellular device began to ring. Logan rarely ever got personal calls when he was at work. Oddly enough, it was personal, but coming from a doctor or a paramedic, but it was probably a secretary. Point being, Logan was now aware of his son being rushed to the ER after he took a bullet. He had to get there.

Logan rushed out to his gorgeous car as he internally panicked. How could he be such a fool? He should've been there to pick up Virgil that day. He felt so foolish. Dexter and Remus were still out there for them! He shouldn’t have let up for one second, and he never will again. Not after today. At least, that was what he told himself. He had to be a good father. He just had to, and here he was slipping up all over again. 

Logan promised Patton about fourteen years ago that he would care for Virgil and be a good parent. He would learn, but he seemed to always make a mistake. No matter how much he learned about being a parent, there was just another mistake that he made. He couldn’t be perfect or good or anything. He was failing, or was he? Was he learning from his mistakes? Logan hoped He was. He tried to do his best for Patton, for Virgil, for the sake of himself! He had to keep this family together, no matter how little it was. 

The father of the family made his way to the hospital as quick as he possibly could. He was somewhat relieved to see the familiar faces of Emile and Remy when he reached the emergency room. They both stood when they say the logical man in such distress. “Any news?” He asked.

Remy shook his head. “Doctors won’t talk to us, babes. We aren’t technically family.” He explained as he sat back down. “We are just Virgil’s second emergency contact. The kid is still with doctors.”

“Is he conscious?”

“Ah, that we do know.” Emile sighed softly. “He is not.” He clarified as an answer. Emile didn’t like sharing such heartbreaking news with Logan, but it could always be worse. He was glad it wasn't.

Logan sat next to Emile and sighed softly. He wanted to cry, but that wasn’t going to ensure that his son stayed alive. There was nothing he could really do to ensure that Virgil would live. He wished that there was something that he could do, but he just had to wait. Watch the time and wait patiently. It was the worst kind of waiting though. All Logan could do was sit there and wait, and he couldn’t change Virgil’s fate. He couldn’t run and to reassure his son that everything would be alright. Logan could only do one thing: nothing. He decided that was the best thing to do. Stare at the hospital walls, ceilings, and floors and think. Try not to overthink, get overly anxious, or jump to any conclusions. 

There were so many different things that could happen to Virgil while he was in the emergency room. He didn’t want to die on his father, but there was a burning pain whenever he was nearly conscious. That bullet truly ripped him up inside and out. It wasn’t the first bullet, and it might not be the last. The point was, Virgil was fighting for his life. Eventually though, the light was a bit too bright to resist. His eyes snapped open and he sat up in the flowery field he had seen several times before. “Dad?” Virgil called out. 

“Oh, thank goodness!” Patton squealed as he ran over to his son and hugged him. He was glad to see his son with a flower crown of black and purple roses on his head. “I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to do it, but you’re here! You’re safe. Thank goodness, your papa is worried sick about you.”

Virgil smiled, but then it quickly slipped. “Oh god… I hope Pops is alright.” He muttered as he looked at Patton. There was a worried expression on Virgil’s face. He was worried often, but never so much about his own dad.

Patton gently placed his hand on Virgil’s shoulder and looked at his teenage son in the eyes. “Don’t worry, Virgil. Your father is one of the strongest people I know. He can endure everything. Although, it would be good if he weren’t so stubborn. He needs to open up and get help.” 

It seemed that Patton knew what was best for Logan even when he was deceased. He wished he could be in the real world for Logan. Not just some meadow where his soul roamed. Patton wanted to be the one place he couldn’t: in Logan’s arms. 

Speaking of Logan, the man was being informed that Virgil had fallen into a coma. His condition appeared to be stable, but his body needed some time to heal for sure. Logan just felt a little confused. He looked over at Remy and Emile. “Coma.” Was the only word he spoke.

Remy hissed in sympathy, but also pain. “That’s rough, babes. I bet you don’t want to be alone right now.” Remy said and wrapped an arm around Logan’s neck. He was just a touchy guy. He didn’t mean anything by it. After all, Remy’s boyfriend was standing right next to him.

Emile Picani noticed the nod that Logan gave. He adored Remy with all his heart, but whatever Remy was thinking of as a solution? It wouldn’t be a real solution. Remy is all about partying his doubts away. Emile knew a few things about real answers to solutions. At least, an answer that Logan might approve of. “Um… Logan, I know you think my way of therapy is rather silly, but I could… get you a regular session with me. One of my patients cancelled for tomorrow.”

Logan nodded and sighed. He knew it was best if he saw Emile, but he wasn’t sure if it was such a good idea. He never really believed in therapy, but maybe he could change his mind. It’d be nice to get some of his feelings off his chest in a safe place. He knew Emile too, and it might help to speak to someone he already knew. “I… suppose I could give it a try.”

Emile gave a smile. He had been suggesting therapy to Logan for years, and he finally said he’d try it! “One o’clock tomorrow! My office.” Emile said excitedly. “I promise I’ll try not to make too many cartoon references.”

Logan sighed and nodded. “I will be there, Emile. Thank you.” He said with a gentle smile. He was glad he still had some people he could be there for him in his time of need. This was definitely one of the times he needed people. After all, Virgil could still lose his life. 

Patton’s Heart even skipped a beat happily. Logan was finally reaching out for help, and maybe everything would be alright. He couldn’t be there to help Logan, but at least he could attempt to keep Virgil’s soul safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m trying to keep a schedule to update since I’m so far ahead with chapters that are already written. I also decided not to do chapter summaries anymore! I’m sorry if you guys looked forward to them, or read them.


	32. Is This Therapy?

Admittedly, Logan was a little nervous about going to see a therapist. Yes, it was one of his friends, but it still didn’t make him totally comfortable. There was something that seemed so strange about therapy to Logan. Would talking really fix the hole in his ever aching heart?

Logan still drove himself to Emile’s office that day. He wasn’t thrilled, but it was something to do as he was off from work that day. All he could think about was Virgil, and he was hoping that his son was doing okay. His ringer was constantly turned on in case the hospital called about Virgil waking up, or something else going wrong with Virgil, or just called because of Virgil at all. Logan’s thoughts were solely focused on the state of his son. He needed to be sure that he would be alright. The man didn’t exactly sleep last night. There’s a lot going on.

As his car pulled into the parking lot, Logan allowed himself to take a deep and cleansing breath. He just needed to feel somewhat in control of his life right now, but it wasn’t like he was just signing it over to Emile. It was just going to be a conversation. Logan took awhile to open up, but he has also known the therapist for quite some time, so maybe it won’t be as bad as he thinks it is.

Meanwhile, Emile Picani was in his office just humming the tune of some theme song to himself. He promised to tone it down for the sake of his serious friend. Emile knew it would be an adjustment, but he felt like he was meeting Logan at the halfway point. He got Logan to come to therapy, and all Emile had to do was not reference too many cartoons. He could handle that. 

Logan stayed in his car for about seven minutes after he had parked it. This whole experience seemed rather nerve wracking to him. Still, he told himself he would try this out. He didn’t quite have an open mind, but he was trying. He knew Patton would have an open mind, and, likely, endlessly support him. Logan could deal with knowing that Patton would support him. So, the logical man decided to head into the therapist’s office. 

Emile was all set as he noticed there was about two minutes until the clock struck one o’clock. He knew Logan would never be late. If he wasn’t there by one, Emile knew that his friend wasn’t coming. However, he heard the door open and he peeked his head out of his office into the general waiting area. “Logan! Do how do you?”

“Salutations, Picani.” Logan said in response to Emile’s funky greeting. It didn’t throw him off too much. He knew that had been Emile’s greeting since college, so he was used to it. “I am not late, am I?”

Emile laughed softly, “You never are, Logan. Please do come in though. Just know I said I’d tone down my therapy and not my office.” He explained. Emile’s office was a colorful display of cartoon posters, figurines, and other kinds of decorations. “I’m not sorry.”

“You should not be.” Logan stated after adjusting his glasses. “You are expressing who you are, Emile, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Should I call you Emile in here? Doctor Picani?” He asked. He was starting to nervously ramble. It was clear this was uncharted territory for the man. “Should I-”

Another soft chuckle came from the therapist as he showed Logan into his office. He sighed softly. “Logan, take it easy. I’m still your friend, okay? This is just going to be laid back. I know that isn’t really your style, but I’ll see what I can do.” Emile Picani was determined to do this. He had to help a friend in need. 

As the therapist gestured for the patient to sit down, Logan took a moment to take a deep breath. He seemed to be taking quite a few of those lately, and they weren’t making anything better. Would anything ever get better? Well, that was always a question Logan could ask Emile. Speaking of, Logan found himself at a loss of words. He wasn’t sure how to start this, or what he was supposed to talk about at all. This was a first for Logan.

Emile could tell that his friend was a little thrown off. “Logan? Do you want me to start? I can just ask you some simple questions. Usually first appointments aren’t anything too heavy, but we can always dive right in if you’d prefer.” Emile explained with a cheerful smile on his face. Emile was looking forward to helping his friend out. It’s what he would do best. As Logan gave the therapist a small nod, Emile fiddled with his pen. “Why don’t you explain to me how you’ve been feeling about Virgil being in the hospital?”

Logan thought that was a good place to start. Of course, starting with Virgil was rather easy. He could go to a lot of places from there. However, Logan didn’t know what to say. “I guess I have been doing okay.”

“Good.” Emile said and wrote something down. After doing so, he looked directly at Logan. He knew that his friend had communicated a falsehood to him. “Now, tell me your honest answer.”

A small sigh fell from the logical man’s lips. This was already proving to be a challenge, and he wished he had something to guide him through this. Logan sighed and leaned back. When he did so, the light coming in from the window reflected off his wedding ring. Logan felt a spark of joy for a moment because he knew that Patton would be there to hold his hand if he could. “Well, doc…” He sighed. “I did not sleep well last night at all.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I seem to have a hard time sleeping after something traumatic happens with Virgil because of… other incidents in my life.” Logan sighed as he took a deep breath. This was already a lot. “After Virgil short himself in the face the image kept running through my mind. Dexter and Remus come into my house and threaten my son. They tell him they never meant to kill Patton, but meant to kill me. One month later, they shot him. How is a man supposed to sleep after that?”

Emile wanted to write this down to help himself take care of Logan, but Logan just dropped a bomb. All this time, Dexter meant to kill him? Dexter meant to kill Logan instead of Patton. The question that came into Emile’s mind was the immediate one that he spoke, “How do you think that would’ve changed your life?”

In all honesty, Logan had been asking himself plenty of times since he learned that he was the one who was meant to die. He always blamed himself, and said Patton should have been the one to live. He just learned that was exactly what was supposed to happen. “I think I would be dead, Emile.” Logan said in his monotone voice, but there was so much pain the man’s eyes. “All these years I have been saying, it should have been me. It should have been me who died in that accident, and not Patton. And I just-... If I was a smarter man, it would not have happened at all.” Logan said. He was nearly choking on his tears, but they seemed to stream down his face anyhow. “It’s my fault, Emile.”

Emile simply shook his head. “It isn’t your fault at all, Logan. For what you just told me? You didn’t do anything wrong.” He spoke softly. Usually, Emile could bring appointment to a rather peppy note, but he knew there was a lot to unpack when it came to Logan’s life. Not everything can have a positive spin to it. Anyhow, before Logan cold speak again, Emile cut him off. “The accident is a big incident in your life that is going to take a lot of time, and I don’t think we should start with it today. Do you need a moment to gather yourself?” 

Logan shook his head. He knew that this would be messy and complicated. He used to be so emotionless, but there are so many hardships that had happened in his life that had really changed him. Logan wasn’t the same as he was when he was in college, or even before he had Virgil. It was almost a shocking realization to Logan. He really was a different man, and maybe he could get back to who he really was if he continued to seek help. Anyhow, Logan ended up wiping off a few of his tears, yet they still seemed to run. “Let’s continue.”


	33. I’d Forgotten How to Smile

After the first appointment, Logan decided to continue to go to therapy with Emile as his therapist. Things seemed to be going well for a few weeks now. Of course, that was therapy wise. Logan was still living in his house all on his own because Virgil was still in his coma in the hospital. Logan was just hoping that Virgil was alright, and that he would stay alright. He headed to therapy that day with hope in his heart that nothing would happen to Virgil during his appointment. 

Luckily, Virgil actually was doing okay. It really wasn’t much of a surprise as Patton was with him currently. Virgil didn’t mind living in the glorious meadow that seemed to have gold glitter flying through the air. It was refreshing in a way. Virgil never had to socialize. The only person he had to talk to his father. He almost wished that reality was a bit more like this. 

Virgil's father who was alive had made his way into his therapy appointment. Logan just sat there and began to converse with Emile as normal. Logan was learning the true importance of communication. He just had a good time talking through issues instead of repressing them. After all, repression could be very bad indeed. Logan knew that, and now he was living with no repression.

Eventually, things came to a point where Emile and Virgil both had a similar question for the person that they were with. So, the two both asked the exact same question the person they were with. “Can you tell me your love story?”

Patton wasn’t at all shocked by the question. He had been answering Virgil’s questions for weeks and weeks on end by now. He gave a nod as he looked at his son. “What do you want to know, kiddo? I’m guessing you’re talking about me and dad right now, huh?”

The teen gave a nod in response to his deceased father. “Yeah. He never really talks about you, and… I guess I’m a little curious.” He explained. Virgil and Logan had gotten better at communicating, but Virgil still had so many questions about him and Patton he never got answers to. 

On the other hand, Logan was a little reluctant to talk to Emile about Patton. He sighed softly as he bit his lip. “I am not sure I will be able to get through it, Picani.” He explained. “It is a lot, and memories I deem most important besides all the milestones with Virgil since he was a baby.”

“Well, you can take your time, Logan. There is absolutely no rush.” Emile explained with a gentle smile. “Sometimes it’s easier to talk about the simple times before we get to the difficulties with Patton, right? Not that Patton was difficult. Well, uh… you know what I mean. I just want to hear about it from your perspective, Logan.” Emile was trying his best to be as caring and as gentle as he could. 

Admittedly, neither Patton nor Logan had talked about those memories in a very long time. Logan hadn’t because it was just too troubling for his already shattered heart. Patton hadn’t recalled any of those glorious memories because he just didn’t have anyone to talk to. Now, they both had reasons to recall their good times together. So, they both asked the same question, “Where do you want me to start?”

The therapist adjusted his glasses. He didn’t know that Virgil was about to give Patton the same answer that he would give Logan. Emile thought for a moment before speaking. “The beginning, if you can get through it.” 

After Virgil had answered Patton the same way, the cardigan wearing father had to take a moment to think. This really all started in college, but they had been together for so long before he died. In a way, they were still together because Logan hasn't really moved on. Patton sighed softly. “Well, we were freshmen in college, Virgil. I know it was a warm day. Emile just wanted to have a small get together with some of the friends he had made. You know your uncle Picani, right? He was my dorm mate in the first two years of college.”

“I remember that get together.” Emile said as Logan was explaining the memory to him. “We were a pretty tight group when back then…” He sighed as he adjusted his glasses. Emile didn’t adjust his glasses as much as Logan, or the same way, but the therapist still did that from time to time. 

Logan nodded in agreement, “We were.” He sighed. He missed the old days when they were all close. “See, Patton and I met that day and we did not meet at the party. See, I had seen him around before, but he was so clumsy that he tripped right in front of me.”

A small laugh escaped from Patton’s mouth as he was telling the story to his son. He seemed so happy just at the thought of Logan. After all, it had been a very long time since he had really seen him. “It was so embarrassing! Luckily, your dad was quick to help me. Me being who I am ...”

“He immediately introduced himself and started asking me questions. What was my major, what was my name, was I dorming? He was so bright and bubbly. Normally I would find that attitude off putting, but there was something about Patton that I was naturally drawn to.” Logan explained. He thought very highly of his beautiful husband. Logan missed him terribly.

Virgil sighed as he listened to Patton. “So… you had a total cliche run in and immediately fell in love?” He asked. “That seems a little silly, dad. No offense, but I don’t think Pops is a love at first sight kind of guy.”

“He isn’t.” Patton said immediately. He didn’t want to paint Logan in the wrong light at all. He didn’t realize how carried away he was getting when he spoke about his husband. “That’s just how we met, kiddo.”

Logan was adjusting the tie that laid around his neck. He was going to be fidgeting a bit since he missed his husband so much. His heart was aching just thinking about the fact that the light of his life died about fourteen years ago. “Of course, we did not get together right away.” Logan tried to continue.

Emile made some hand signals as a sign to just cut Logan off before he went on another ramble. “So, how did you feel when the relationship actually started?” He asked. 

Unknowingly, Virgil had asked Patton the same question. He was curious as to what went on. “I mean, Pops doesn’t seem like a party guy, ya know? Where did you go? What did you do? What was it like?”

“Well…” Patton has to take a moment to think. How much did he really want to tell his son? Surely, there were some things he wanted to keep to himself, and some things that were for only him and Logan. “I was really nervous after your father had asked me out. But I was so excited, Virgil! I don’t know what it was about Logie, but there were already butterflies in my stomach. I was told he could be rather cold at times, but he was anything but cold to me.”

Logan’s heart was swelling with joy as he recalled the beginning of his official romantic relationship with Patton. “He was always so bouncy and bubbly. I guess it made by heart jump for joy, figuratively.”

“I know what you mean, Logan.”

“I just prefer to clarify.” Logan explained as he adjusted his glasses. “Anyhow, I was actually excited to be going out with Patton. He let me pick the setting so we could just go somewhere I was comfortable since he went out all the time. I had barely left campus before… I was nervous.”

Patton and Logan spoke the exact same sentence at the same time, “I just had this feeling that he was something special, and I could not afford to mess up.” They both said. Patton and Logan were both clearly something special. There was something so special about what they had. It was something most people only ever saw in fairytales. Logan and Patton were lucky. Then they lost each other; however, that wasn’t something to focus on for the moment.

A soft giggle escaped Patton’s lips as he continued to recall certain memories from his relationship with Logan. He wasn’t sure he had felt this happy in what felt like years. After all, he had been alone for quite some time, seeming as he was dead now. Anyhow, he was counting to converse about everything with Virgil. “Your dad and I had our moments of hardships, but it was nothing we couldn’t get through. I always helped him study.”

“As much of a distraction Patton could be, he always tried his best to keep quiet while I was studying. He would make me hot chocolate, and Emile he was so good at making hot cocoa. It was always so stress relieving even though I am more of a tea person. And I always had this tense knots in my shoulders and back-”

There was a large grin on Patton’s face. “Sometimes he’d let me rub his shoulders while he worked. Cause one time Roman and I got bored enough to take this spa workshop. I know how to give massages, but it’s not like I’m licensed or anything. I just knew how to work out the knots in Logan’s back and neck. When he was in study breaks he actually let me massage his back too.”

“It prevented stress headaches… he was so thoughtful.” Logan said, and just smiled. He really did miss his husband with his whole heart, no matter how many pieces it might be in. “I have never known anyone as thoughtful as him. He was one of a kind, doc. I miss him so much.”

Emile nodded as he listened to the words that Logan was saying. He had written down all of Logan’s attitudes as he spoke about Patton, and noted every facial expression. “Well… Logan, I think that be partly due to the fact you are still going through quite some grief. I know it’s been fourteen years, but it’s a lot of heartbreak and a lot to handle. You’ve been taking care of Virgil. Tell me Logan, have you been able to dive deeper into your emotions now that Virgil is in his coma?”

Perhaps the logical man hadn't thought about it that way before. He knew he spent a majority of his life caring for the son he was supposed to be raising with Patton by his side, but he never imagined how much it could affect his grieving process. “I… have not really thought about it.”

“Well, we can table those thoughts for now. It would be something for you to work on and we can talk about it next session?” Emile asked and was happy to get a small nod from Logan. “I know it might’ve been a bit silly to have you talk about Patton the whole time, but I promise it helps. I mean, Logan, you didn’t even cry while you spoke about him.”

Logan smiled softly as he realized this. The first time in fourteen years. He talked about Patton for a total of sixty minutes, and he didn’t even get through his entire love story. He didn’t realize he hadn’t cried. “I… I actually didn’t.” He said, shocked at himself. Logan was proud of himself. “Thank you so much, Emile.”

Emile shook his head as he shook Logan’s hand and walked him to the door. “It’s not a problem at all, Logan. In fact, it’s my pleasure! I’ll see you at our next session. Have a safe drive home.”

Logan thanked his friend once again before taking his car keys out of his pocket. He really wasn’t expecting to get through all those stories about him and Patton without shedding a tear. He had made real progress that day. The best part? He had no idea that Patton was talking about him in the same way. One day those two would reunite, but for now Logan had to learn to deal with his grief. It all started with a simple love story too. Things were finally looking up, and maybe they would even continue to get better! Maybe. Just maybe...


	34. Doctor, Doctor What Am I Here For?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan is led to believe that therapy is not going to fix any of his issues. Life is so bad. How could life possibly get better?

It was the most horrifying kind of screech. It happened so fast, but they couldn’t be pulled. Perhaps it was because his hand slipped, but he had to do what he had to do. The noise just rang in his ears. A scream as glass broke. A scream that could’ve been stopped if only he were smarter. If only he knew.

A shock ran through his system so he didn’t quite understand what was happening at the time. His own brown eyes met his own in the mirror of the car. A bit of blood had splattered onto him. To his own horror, it came from his own husband. The only thing that pulled him back to reality was his three-year-old son’s screaming.

In current time, Logan discovered that scream came from his own mouth. He had yet another nightmare about the accident. They never seemed to stop. Logan’s guilt ate at him even as he slept. That much was clear. Logan never stopped blaming himself from the accident. He knew that to be true.

The widower sat up in bed when he had awakened. It was very quick. He could feel the cold sweat dripping from his sopping Brown hair. Logan looked down to his hands tightly clenched on his chest around where his heart was. It felt more like a heart cavity since he felt broken since his husband’s death. It was nights like these that were hard to get through without Patton by his side. 

Untouched sheets and blankets were on the bed. It was true that Logan hadn’t touched Patton’s side of the bed since he died. He wouldn’t let anyone sit or lie there. When Virgil insisted on sleeping with Logan since he had a nightmare, they would rest in Virgil’s room. Logan just couldn’t let it go. Part of him just found comfort in the fact that this all could be a mistake. All of this could be a nightmare. Logan just wanted what he had lost back.

Noticing his own reflection in the mirror, he observed that he looked like a ghost. His reflection showed a pale man that had sweat through his clothes. A man with bags underneath his brown eyes. A man who needed some love in his life because he had been absent since a car accident that changed everything fourteen years ago. A man who was lost. 

Logan rested his head back onto his pillow. He was looking at how vacant the bed was on the other side. He moved a little closer missing the man with the light brown curls and a smile that was brighter than the sun. That smile filled his heart with love, and his giggle would fill his life with joy. Life without joyous laughter wasn’t a happy life at all.

Therapy was supposed to help. Logan thought he was getting better, but nothing had changed at all. It had been weeks since he started therapy, and he was seeing Emile more than once a week. Logan just couldn’t seem to understand why there were no immediate results. He wanted to be fixed. Logan wanted to be whole again, but what if he couldn’t because he wasn’t meant to be alone? 

After making his morning coffee, Logan decided to book an emergency appointment with Emile, and that just made his dead husband worried as he watched from the flowery field that was in between life and death. Patton wanted Logan to get better, but he couldn’t be there to hold his hand. He had to watch his husband walk through life all alone. That was extremely painful. 

Patton was stuck waiting for his husband’s soul so they could move on into an after life together. He couldn’t do anything but sit there and watched the ones he loved go through their lives. He just wanted to help, and he couldn’t. 

Luckily, Emile was there to discuss things with Logan. He had listened to the widower’s concerns. He knew that Logan would be skeptical of therapy, but he wasn’t expecting his impatience. “Logan, these things take time. I hope you can understand it. I can not take away your aches and pains that have lasted for fourteen years. I am not a miracle worker. I’m simply trying to guide you through your grief, pain, and even happy moments.” Emile sighed softly. He didn’t want Logan to give up on therapy just yet. They had barely begun.

Logan just sighed as he listened to Emile. The weight of the world just felt like it was crashing down and breaking him all over again. He didn’t understand this feeling, and he didn’t know who to go to. He had Emile. “I know, Doc… I just do not understand why I should be coming to therapy if therapy is not going to change anything?” He inquired.

Emile sighed. He didn’t know how he could phrase to Logan without upsetting to him. He was just trying to find the words to say to him. He understood Logan’s life was painful, but that didn’t mean Emile could find him instant relief.

Speaking of relief, someone else was in need of that. Virgil was going to see his dad, Patton since he was in the in between with him, and he couldn’t seem to take too many more steps. “Dad.” He said weakly.

Patton looked up for a moment. He saw how pale his son looked and ran over to him. He was worried. “Virgil! Kiddo, what’s wrong? Did you get hurt? What’s going on?” He asked frantically. He had never seen this happen before.

Virgil, much like Emile, didn’t have all the answers his questioner was asking for. Virgil just simply coughed as Emile, in the living world, attempted to explain things to Logan. “I promise you, Logan. I’m here to help, but we really have just begun. We haven’t discovered all your feelings on this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’m learning more about your mind and how it works. When you speak about Patton, you seem to look happy. You act normally. The Logan I knew in college it shines through.”

“Who am I now, Emile?”

Emile sighed and crossed one of his legs over the other. He fiddled with his own for a moment before he looked at Logan once again. “That is a question you are going to have to find the answer to yourself. I can simply guide you, but I don’t hold all the answers.”

An angsty teen was also struggling for answers as he collapsed onto his knees with his arms tightly wrapped around his stomach. “It hurts… dad, it hurts. What’s going on?”

“I.. Virgil, I don’t know.” Patton said. He wanted to be able to answer his son and comfort him. Patton just didn’t understand what was causing Virgil pain. There was nothing harmful in the flowery meadow. Unless.. “Virgil, I need to keep taking deep breaths. It’s going to be alright, my little storm cloud.” He was worried about Virgil, and he just wanted to keep him safe. Patton kissed his son’s forehead.

The only thing Virgil really wanted was answers, but he appreciated how reassuring his deceased father could be. Virgil never knew that Patton could be this way, but that due to the fact that Patton was dead. Anyhow, Virgil let out a small groan from the blinding pain that was burned into his mind. What was happening to him? Why was he feeling this way?

Virgil's father who was still alive was asking himself the same kind of questions. He didn’t know who he was anymore. He knew he could be independent, but that was a difficult task while he was still mourning the loss of his husband. Logan was in a constant struggle. He had to keep moving, keep working, and care for a son. Virgil was a little boy. Logan had already missed a year of his life due to mourning Patton. Logan just couldn’t find a way to move on. He was so stuck. He knew he couldn’t sort through this alone. He needed Emile’s help.

Before Logan could speak, his phone went off. He wasn’t going to answer, but it wasn’t a text. It was a call. “Excuse for a moment, doc.”

“Take your time.” Emile said in understanding. He knew that Logan was a busy man, and he wouldn’t be upset at him for taking a phone call. Emile knew Logan only answered if it were important, and it might be about Virgil.

The patient decided to step out of the room to take the call. It turned out the call was from the hospital. Logan just seemed to shake more and more with the doctor’s words. He peaked his head into Emile’s office. “I have to go.”

“Is it-”

“It’s Virgil.” Logan said with haste in his voice. Logan had to get to that hospital as quick as he could. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in awhile! Life has been crazy. I’m trying to edit Deceit’s name to Janus instead of Dexter. Sorry if I slip up. There’s over twenty chapters written from here. I just need to upload! Thanks for your patience guys


End file.
